Jokes

[Mharll]

A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, The French captured an English major. Taking the major to their headquarters, the French general began to question him.

The French general asked, "Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way, the major informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why from that day to now, all French Army officers wear brown pants.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A drunk man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Ociffer, are ya absoolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the man said, "Thank goodness! I thought I was a cripple."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.

Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but there came the time when he returned empty-handed.

"Abdul, you ugly son of a camel, where is my water?" demanded the Grand Emir.
"A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One", stammered the wretched Abdul, "a white man sits on the well."

[Vermillion]

1. 8/10

2. 7/10

3. Fail

First two were good though.

[Typhon]

Very distasteful... not exactly a bad thing... haha...

[Velocity]

I'm not quite sure I understand the last one. First one was decent, heard it before. Second one... eh.

[Panzer]

1.old 4/10
2.bad 3/10
3.i liked 7/10

[bman3k]

The only decent one was the 3rd one

[Mrmakee]

I liked them all cept the second, havent heard any.

1. 6/10

2. 3/10

3. 7/10

[Tubby_23]

The 1st two were good however the last one I have heard many times before.
1. 8/10

2. 6/10

3. 1/10

[1337 Sp34kr]

Last one, seeing as I am Arab, sucked... bad...

[Freakout]

Originally Posted by Velocity

I'm not quite sure I understand the last one.

Toilet.

overall.

[Major Isoor]

8.0173294/10
6.7/10
5.5/10

Good job! So that explains the brown pants...

[Mharll]

Originally Posted by 1337 Sp34kr

Last one, seeing as I am Arab, sucked... bad...

I'm English. Know any English jokes you can tell to get me back?

[Angel]

The first one sounded like a really old pirate joke I heard.

Overall 8/10.

[1337 Sp34kr]

Originally Posted by Mharll

I'm English. Know any English jokes you can tell to get me back?

There's a difference between not liking a joke and being offended by one. ¬_¬

BUT, if I must...

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asketh the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

[joey_zmk]

the only joke i liked was the third one - 6/10, as for 1337 Sp34kr's- 6/10