It's a balancing act

[Crazy Jamie]

I've just read three terrible jokes in a row in this forum, so I felt the need to balance them out. For the record, you may have heard these, they may be old, but they are actually funny. So here we go:

----------------------------------

A man goes into a gun shop for a telescopic rifle sight. The assistant takes one out, points out the window and says: "This baby is so good, you can see right into my house on that hill way over there." The man looks through the sight at the house and starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" asks the assistant.
"Well, I can see a naked man chasing a naked woman around your house," replies the customer.
Snatching the 'scope back, the assistant cranes his eye through the sight and sure enough, there is his wife, naked, being hotly pursued by an excited young man. Furious, the assistant says to the man, "If I give you two bullets, will you blow my wife's head off with one and take the man's dick out with the other? I'll give you the telescopic sight for free if you do." "Okay," the man says, as he takes out his rifle and attacks the sight. Taking a quick look through it before loading, he hands one bullet back. "You know what?" he says. "I think I can do this with just one shot."

-----------------------------------------

Three men reach the final round of tests to join the SAS, and are called together to speak with the interviewer. ‘Do you love your wife?’ says the officer. ‘Sir, yes I do, sir,’ say the recruits in unison. ‘And do you love your country?’ ‘Sir, yes sir,’ say the men. ‘But what do you love more, your wife or your country?’ The recruits do not hesitate: ‘Sir, my country, sir.’ The interviewer stares at them: ‘We want you to prove this. Your wives are sitting in separate rooms nearby – take this gun and go and kill your loved one.’ The first man gulps and stares at the gun for a few minutes. ‘I can't do it,’ he says, and leaves. Turning white, the second man goes into the room, and all is silent for about five minutes. Soon the door opens and the man, sweaty with his tie loosened, puts down the unfired gun and leaves. The final interviewee looks long and hard and the revolver, then slowly paces into the adjoining room. After a brief silence, the interviewer hears the sound of a gunshot. There’s a brief pause, then an almighty crashing sound and a woman’s scream. Grinning and breathless, the final recruit emerges from the room and puts the gun on the table. The interviewer looks up at him and says ‘What the hell happened?’ ‘The gun you gave me was filled with blanks,’ says the man, breathing heavily. ‘So I had to beat her to death with the chair.’

-------------------------------------------

A man is strolling past a lunatic asylum when he hears a loud chanting. "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!" goes the noise form within the mental hospital's wards. The man's curiosity gets the better of him and he searches for a hole in the security fence. It's not long before he finds a small crack, so he leans forward and peers in. Instantly, someone jabs him in the eye. As he reels back in agony, the chanting continues: "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"

-----------------------------------------

A couple of old friends are trying to play a round of golf when they catch up with two women. They watch with mounting frustration as the ladies manage to hit every water hazard, bunker and piece of rough – without waving them through, as golf etiquette requires. After two tedious hours of waiting, one of the men decides enough is enough and walks over to ask them if he can play through. He strides up the fairway, but halfway up stops suddenly and quickly returns. “I can’t do it,” he says to his playing partner. “One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress! Maybe it’d be better if you went to talk to them.” The second man agrees, but halfway there he too, noticeably slows down, stops and returns, just like his colleague had done. “What’s up?” asks the first man. “I tell you what,” says the second man, gazing at his shoes and smiling sheepishly. “It’s a small world, isn’t it?”

[The Eye in the Sky!]

The second and fourth were great, I don't think I've heard them before but the first one I've seen on the Blue Collar Comedy Tour DVD too many times (even if it is good) and the third has been done a lot.

Still worthy.

[Velocity]

Finally, something that didn't make me want to gouge my eyes out.

[Air Head]

Its been awhile since a good joke was posted this made my day. Got me laughing. Though I heard the first 2 and saw the second 2 coming before the punch line i still got my laugh.

[Nicholas]

wait...what's this? It's something finally making me lol!

Thanks CJ!!!

Lets see...first 8/10

second 9/10

third 7/10

fourth 9/10

[Mharll]

All good, but it was the first and second that really stood out for me. Cheers!

[Major Isoor]

Ha ha! They were all great! I've only heard the 3rd one before. Nice one, Captain Flashheart Crazy Jamie!

[Mrmakee]

First two were ok heard the second heaps but with variations. Last two were the best in my eyes

[Freakout]

Second was old, and the third was rather meh-ish for me, but the first and fourth were good.

[Sephiroth Strife]

They were all good... the second one i heard before, accept one man was a charger fan, forgot what the second one was and the 3rd one was a raider fan... i like the version i heard better.

[FalconZero]

Way to go, Jamie1 It's about time a joke in here didn't make me regret coming in here.

10/10

[Vermillion]

This is thr first thread in a long time to make me laugh in here.

1 - 8/10

2 - 7/10

3 - 2/10

4 - 9/10

[Azthris]

Yeah, I've heard the first one before on Blue Collar Comedy as well. I liked them all. Thank you very much for putting a funny joke on this forum Jamie.


Over all 9/10.

[Tubby_23]

8.5/10 overall, I hadn't heard any of them before. The 4th on was the best.

[bman3k]

1. 7/10
2. 8/10
3. 7/10
4. 5/10