A whole buncha stuff by KingJazzaD12

[KingJazzaD12]

Walking into the church on a sunday morning johnny, confused asks the priest a few quesitons about god:

Johnny: Is god a man or a woman?

Thinking to trick the little boy into religeon the prist replies: Both!

Johnny: Is god a kid or an adult?

Trying to get Johnny into religeon the preist replies: Both!

Johnny: Is god plastic or fleshy?

Priest: Both!

Johnny: Does god like men or women?

Priest: BOTH!

Johnny: That leaves one last quesiton, is god black or white sir?

Priest: Once again young one the answer is both!

A Little Confused Johnny replies: Sir, is god Michael Jackson????

[Major Isoor]

Ha! Michael Jackson! That was an interesting twist.

[Mrmakee]

Heard it! But still gold.

[Vermillion]

Nah didn't like it. I sort of expected it to be something like that.

[KingJazzaD12]

Blonde: mum, do babies come from where men put their thingies??

Mum: well you are a teenager, so im going to tell you the truth.. yes!

Now confused blonde: Wont the baby knock my teeth out mum?




On a deserted island there were three women, a blond a brunette and a redhead. They needed to get back to the mainland and the only way was by swimming. The redhead goes first. She makes it a quarter of the way then drowns. The brunnette goes second. She makes it one third of the way then drowns.The blonde comes last. She makes it one half of the way, gets tired and then turns back.



Did you hear about the blonde that died raking leaves.

Yeah, She fell out of the tree.



Why can't a blond dial 911?? She can't find the 11.



When does a blonde have two brain cells?

When she's pregnant!




There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. And the terrorist is like...oh just a cat...then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes roof roof...and the terrorist says...it's just a stupid dog. Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!




A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, " I was going through my daughters drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my daughter drinks."
Then the brunette says, " well I was cleaning my daughters room, and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes."
Then the blonde says, " I was making my daughters bed, and I found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.


What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???
Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!




A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."





What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?


People know how many men went down on the Titanic!




lol hope u liked wot do u rate each of em den overall guys lol...
sorry if i offended ne1 but im a blonde myself so dont take it too seriously
lol once again hope i made u laugh!!!

[KingJazzaD12]

A guy is forced to live in a remote Eskimo villiage but is having trouble interacting with the villiagers. Finally he corners one of them and asks why they won't talk to him.

The villiager responds that he has not been initiated as a man. He ask's what do I have to do?

The villiager says, first you have to drink 2 bottles of Russian Vodka, then you have to go into a cave and kill a polar bear with your bear hands, then to seal your induction into manhood you have to make love for 10 hours straight with one of our women.

The man says he will do it. That night there's a big party to initiate the stranger. Everyone sits around the fire and they pass him a bottle of Vodka. He down's about half without much trouble, bet the second half is much more difficult. Finally he finishes it, and they pass him another. He finally manages to finish off the second bottle and the crowd claps and sings. Then he tried to get up but fell over drunk.

The Cheif picks him up and points him in the direction of the polar bear cave. He staggers over and climbs in. Suddenly there's a huge commotion from within the cave. Bears growling and him screaming and wailing in pain. Half an hour later he stumbles out of the cave, Torn to shreds, bloodied, and half dead. He turns to the crowd and drunkenly says,

Okeee now where's the woman I gotta kill?





A man went into a bar and ordered several shots of vodka. By the time the bar was closing, he was wasted. He got up to leave and fell flat on his face. "Well, I don't want the bartender to think I'm drunk, so I'll pretend I tripped and I'll try it again." So he gets up and falls on his face. "Well, the door's not too far away; I'll just crawl." When he gets outside he thinks, "Well, I only live 4 blocks away; I can make it that far." So he stands up and falls on his face. He decides he'll try it 1 block at a time, and at every block he falls flat on his face. Finally he makes it home, stands up and falls on the bed. In the morning his wife wakes him up. "You were drunk again last night, weren't you?" "How did you know?" "The bartender called. He said you left your wheelchair at the bar."



man walks up to the bartender and says, "Y'see that cup over there? I'll bet $100 that I can piss in it from here!" The bartender readily agrees, because the shot glass is way over on the other side of the bar. So the man unzips and whips it out, then pisses in a million different directions, coming nowhere even close to the shot glass. Meanwhile the bartender's laughing so hard he can barely breathe.

"Pay up," gasps the bartender, so the man walks over and grabs $400 from a third guy playing pool. The bartender asks, "Why did that guy give you the money?"

And the first guy says, "'Cause I bet him $400 I could piss all over your bar and you'd just laugh about it!"




A Guy walked into a bar dressed in the latest designer gear, dripping with diamonds and platinum and googobs of money.
His only visible problem was that he had a very little head.
After a few drinks I had the courage to ask him what happened.
His story is that he was on vacation with his wife in the Bahamas and they had a humiliating argument. To cool down he took a walk on the beach. while picking up rocks to throw in the ocean he happened upon an intricately blown and embroidered bottle. Picking it up to brush off the sand, a genie popped out. Not your ordinary genie but an extremely beautiful genie the likes of which he had never seen. She granted him three wishes and he thought long and hard. His first wish was for a billion dollars in cash, which materialized instsntly. Realizing that he had no way to move this much money, his second wish was for a fueled and piloted jet that would take him everywhere he desired. That satisfied his every wish and he looked at the beautiful genie and propositioned her for a roll in the sand. The genie said that she would love to, but she is a genie and not anatomically made like mortal women, she has no coochie.
The man then said "Then how about a little head".




A guy walks into a bar on top of a ski skraper. He sits down next to a buff looking guy who looks like he had a little more booze than he can handle.
The buff guy looks at the bar tender and then at him and says
`'hey, did you know that this building is construckded in such a way that if I was to jump out the window and the wind would glide me safely to the ground. The man, who decided he could use a laugh said, 'prove it.'
So the guy walks over to the window and jumps out. A few minutes later he walks back into the bar and says, 'told ya.'
He looks at the bar tender who is shaking his head and laughing, and says, 'do that again.' So he does it again. The man astondished walks out to the window and jumps out and falls 100 stories to his death.
The bar tender looks at the buff man and says, 'you now, you are a real ******* when you're drinking, Superman



A man goes into a bar and tells the bartender to give him a double. Then he slams it down and takes a picture out of his pocket, looks at it for a moment, then puts it back. He then asks the bartender for another double. He drinks it, looks at the picture, puts it back, and asks for another drink. This time, the bartender is overcome by curiosity. "What's that a picture of?" the bartender asks.

"It's a picture of my wife," the man slurs, "and when she finally starts looking good I'll go home!



A man walks into his everyday bar with a box and orders a drink. The bartender sees that the man looks troubled, so he asks what's in the box. Instead of replying, the man takes out a small grand piano and a tiny stool, and on the stool is a miniature man about a foot tall who starts playing the miniature piano. The bartender asks, "Where did you get a thing like that?"

The man says, "I rubbed a lamp in the desert, and a genie popped out. The genie said he'd grant my heart's desire, but he was hard of hearing and thought I had asked him for a twelve-inch pianist."




kk hope i helped im bored and i g2g now lol ive got sum more dat i can load off my comp soo cya guys

wot do u rate em and hop i made ya laugh peace!

[Velocity]

Right, so one day this forum walked into a bar...


...unfortunately it suffered severe brain damage and has never fully recovered. Poor forum.

[Angel]

I could barely read them with your text... but I digress. I give it about a 3/10 being generous.

[bman3k]

I found your font rather difficult to read as well, anyways I only liked the second one.

[KingJazzaD12]

its not that hard to read my text ive asked 4 of my friends, my mum and my half blind granddad they can all read it with ease

[KingJazzaD12]

here is some logic and riddles:

If 7/11 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 265 days a year then why do the doors all have locks on them?

eveyone has a photographic memory dont they? some are just out of film...

if adam and eve were the first 2 people on earth, wouldnt their kids have to have sex with eachother??

if the big bang created everythin, what created the big bang?

if god created everything, what created god?

if jesus's mum was the virgin mary and she had a kid, she wasnt much of a virgin was she???

if god gave us free will, why did he set ten commandments?

would a wise man play leapfrog with a unicorn??

if antarctica is the dryest continent, what would it be if it melted?

if the bullwhip is used on horses what is used on bulls?

why can humans get chicken pox? chickens dont get human pox do they?

couldnt all records and history be lying??

if you can have an imaginary friend, they dont exist, but are you somebody else's imaginary friend??

if god wants us to live his way, why doesnt he tell us the meaning of life?

if michael jackson is really that plastic, what sunscreen does he use?

is it really better to see 1 fault in yourself than a thousand in another??

if we all came from monkeys, why are the monkeys still around?

if the dinosaurs died from an asteroid and all life off earth was wiped out, how did we end up with animals and people on the planet?

can you really be a gamewinner if you cheat??

if you win by cheating but you dont get 100% game completion, you have not won yet have you??

if you can die from getting electricuted by a light bulb, how did the man who got struck by lighning more than 5 times survive?

who really is james bond??

if god made us in the image of himself, why are there 2 genders?

if god made himself in the image of himself, why does everyone look different?

lol all i can think of which 1 did u guys like best.. and dere rhetorical questions of logic dont go sending answers lol

[KingJazzaD12]

Here are sum riddles my dad used top tell me until i figured them out lol:


there was a man who went to work, but he worked on the 10th floor
he rather take the lift but he only did on rainy days...
on sunny days he took the stairs 10 storys up
why was this? (the man didnt have ocd or anythin he just didnt take the lift on sunny days)



one day while his father was out at work a boy invited his friend over and played a ball game inside.
while playing the boy smashed the window with the ball.
hiding the ball and bat the boy sent his friend home
when the father got home he asked what had happened, the boy lied and said that the window was broken by a robber
the dad punished the boy double, for breaking the window, and for lieing,
how did the dad know it was the boy? (no1 told him, he didnt witness the smash)



3 people in the butcher's were ordering meat when one of them killed the butcher.
there was a milkman, a lawyer and a cleaner but it couldve been any of them.
a local policeman heard one of them say: JOHN YOUVE KILLED HIM!
the policeman, went straight in and arrested the milkman, how did he know it was him??? (he didnt know any of em personally, he didnt witness it, no1 tiold him all he heard was john uve killed him, and no no woz wearin a nametag




hav a fun time bendin ur brain tryin to figure these out guys lol

[Jim Halpert]

The virgin Mary didn't actually have sex to concieve Jesus, you fool.

[Mrmakee]

MOst of those were stupid. Just a play on words. 2/10

[Mrmakee]

I could read the text just fine. Heard most of those jokes. Weren't that great back then, not that great now. 4/10 (and thats generous)