Northern Lights
November 20th, 2009, 06:15 PM
PWI cameras cut to a tall building. It appears to have lots of sick people. Oh snap. It is a hospital. Wow. There’s more where that came from, readers. Suspense central here tonight. The camera twists and turns through the hallways before finally stopping at room number 175. Patient name? Adam Hurst. He looks more serious than usual, which isn’t difficult, and he stares right into the camera.
Adam Hurst
I know what you’re hoping for, Dave. You’re hoping for me to crack out a one-liner asking if the hospital has missed me, aren’t you, Dave? But I’m not gonna do that. And the reason for me not doing that is simple, Dave. Y’see, I know that the hospital hasn’t missed me. I knew that nobody would be running over and embracing me as I was wheeled through the doors. I knew that Doctor Harper Windsor, who I swear that I recognise from somewhere, wouldn’t be sitting down and asking me to tell him a story. And d’ya know why, Dave? You probably don’t. You’re not the most intelligent guy after all. So I’ll tell you, Dave. I’ll tell you why none of them have missed me. None of them have missed me because it has only been a few days since I last saw them. I was only saying my goodbyes the other day. But don’t go thinking that you are some kind of crippler, Davey Boy. You’re not the reason that Adam Hurst is in hospital. Oh no, Dave, you’re not THAT good. Adam Hurst is the reason that Adam Hurst is in hospital. Adam Hurst made the decision to discharge himself. Adam Hurst made the decision to appear at Carnage. Adam Hurst made the decision to fight Dave Cashman. Y’see, Dave, if it hadn’t been for Adam Hurst’s prior injury then this room wouldn’t be occupied. I know, Dave, I know, you gave me that injury too. Well, aren’t you a big boy? You jumped me from behind in the middle of a match. Classy, Dave. Real classy for a guy who is all about the straight up fighting. Tell me, which one of your martial arts taught you that one, Dave? No, scratch that, it doesn’t matter. Because, Dave, Adam Hurst doesn’t care where you learned it. Oh no. Adam Hurst doesn’t care if it was Judo, Jujitsu, Muay Thai, Tae-Kwon-Do, Karate, Sudoku, Origami, Tsunami, Tetsuo Fuginami- It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did it.
I know why you did it, Dave. Don’t think that I don’t. Everybody on the PWI Roster has thought it at some point. “Hey, maybe if I attack Adam Hurst then people will recognise me. Maybe then they will know that I wrestle. Maybe then mom will stop asking me if I’ve got that McDonalds promotion that I stopped searching for in High School.” Adam Hurst understands completely, Dave. All my life people have been jealous of me. Not many people know this but I went to college with Blake Straker and hooked up with his sister. I got bored of her so his girlfriend left him for me because of the size of the big fella.
Hurst leans over, aching, and taps his knee.
Adam Hurst
Now, all I’m saying is that if Blake is the snake, what the hell are we gonna call the monster at the end of the bed?
But, yet again, we are straying from the point. You think that you can break me, Dave. You think that you can be the one that finally ends the career of the Prince of Pay-Per-View. You think that The Hot Commodity will fall to Dangerous Dave. Ahah. No. You will NOT break me, Dave. Adam Hurst is unbreakable. During your Kathmandu training, did you ever get put through a flaming table, Dave? Adam Hurst has been through a flaming table. During your Didgeridoo training, did you ever get thrown off a ladder, Dave? Adam Hurst has been thrown off a ladder. During your Hullabaloo training, did you ever get slammed across the face by a steel chair, Dave? Adam Hurst has had more steel chair shots than you have had girls talk to you… EVER. THAT PUTS ME AT LEAST IN DOUBLE FIGURES, DAVE!
But I wouldn’t worry about having to do any more counting, Dave. Not for a little while at least. This is the last that you will hear from Adam Hurst this week. I’m gonna take a week off. I am gonna lie in here and relax for a little while. Maybe find some nurses. Don’t worry, though, Dave. I’m gonna be watching your match tonight. We have cable. Careful for that Neil Sarki, though, Dave. He’s one helluva wrestler.
The picture on the camera cuts, but Adam Hurst can get one last sentence in before the microphones switch off.
Adam Hurst
You won’t be so lucky next week, mind.
OOC: Comments welcome.
Adam Hurst
I know what you’re hoping for, Dave. You’re hoping for me to crack out a one-liner asking if the hospital has missed me, aren’t you, Dave? But I’m not gonna do that. And the reason for me not doing that is simple, Dave. Y’see, I know that the hospital hasn’t missed me. I knew that nobody would be running over and embracing me as I was wheeled through the doors. I knew that Doctor Harper Windsor, who I swear that I recognise from somewhere, wouldn’t be sitting down and asking me to tell him a story. And d’ya know why, Dave? You probably don’t. You’re not the most intelligent guy after all. So I’ll tell you, Dave. I’ll tell you why none of them have missed me. None of them have missed me because it has only been a few days since I last saw them. I was only saying my goodbyes the other day. But don’t go thinking that you are some kind of crippler, Davey Boy. You’re not the reason that Adam Hurst is in hospital. Oh no, Dave, you’re not THAT good. Adam Hurst is the reason that Adam Hurst is in hospital. Adam Hurst made the decision to discharge himself. Adam Hurst made the decision to appear at Carnage. Adam Hurst made the decision to fight Dave Cashman. Y’see, Dave, if it hadn’t been for Adam Hurst’s prior injury then this room wouldn’t be occupied. I know, Dave, I know, you gave me that injury too. Well, aren’t you a big boy? You jumped me from behind in the middle of a match. Classy, Dave. Real classy for a guy who is all about the straight up fighting. Tell me, which one of your martial arts taught you that one, Dave? No, scratch that, it doesn’t matter. Because, Dave, Adam Hurst doesn’t care where you learned it. Oh no. Adam Hurst doesn’t care if it was Judo, Jujitsu, Muay Thai, Tae-Kwon-Do, Karate, Sudoku, Origami, Tsunami, Tetsuo Fuginami- It doesn’t matter. What matters is that you did it.
I know why you did it, Dave. Don’t think that I don’t. Everybody on the PWI Roster has thought it at some point. “Hey, maybe if I attack Adam Hurst then people will recognise me. Maybe then they will know that I wrestle. Maybe then mom will stop asking me if I’ve got that McDonalds promotion that I stopped searching for in High School.” Adam Hurst understands completely, Dave. All my life people have been jealous of me. Not many people know this but I went to college with Blake Straker and hooked up with his sister. I got bored of her so his girlfriend left him for me because of the size of the big fella.
Hurst leans over, aching, and taps his knee.
Adam Hurst
Now, all I’m saying is that if Blake is the snake, what the hell are we gonna call the monster at the end of the bed?
But, yet again, we are straying from the point. You think that you can break me, Dave. You think that you can be the one that finally ends the career of the Prince of Pay-Per-View. You think that The Hot Commodity will fall to Dangerous Dave. Ahah. No. You will NOT break me, Dave. Adam Hurst is unbreakable. During your Kathmandu training, did you ever get put through a flaming table, Dave? Adam Hurst has been through a flaming table. During your Didgeridoo training, did you ever get thrown off a ladder, Dave? Adam Hurst has been thrown off a ladder. During your Hullabaloo training, did you ever get slammed across the face by a steel chair, Dave? Adam Hurst has had more steel chair shots than you have had girls talk to you… EVER. THAT PUTS ME AT LEAST IN DOUBLE FIGURES, DAVE!
But I wouldn’t worry about having to do any more counting, Dave. Not for a little while at least. This is the last that you will hear from Adam Hurst this week. I’m gonna take a week off. I am gonna lie in here and relax for a little while. Maybe find some nurses. Don’t worry, though, Dave. I’m gonna be watching your match tonight. We have cable. Careful for that Neil Sarki, though, Dave. He’s one helluva wrestler.
The picture on the camera cuts, but Adam Hurst can get one last sentence in before the microphones switch off.
Adam Hurst
You won’t be so lucky next week, mind.
OOC: Comments welcome.