Psychic
October 4th, 2009, 09:09 PM
A grandmother with 3 sons was turning 80. For her birthday the first son bought her a new house. The second got her a ner car. The third thought it through. He knew that she was religious and that her sight was going, so he bought her a parrot trained to qoute verses from the bible. After her birthday, the grandmother said to the first son, "The house you got me was too big." She said to the second, "The car you got me was too small." She said to the third, "Your simple gift was the best. The chicken was delicious."
A man and his wife went out for a day by the lake. After the man came in from fishing, the wife took a book and rowed to the middle of the lake to read. A few minutes later, a ranger came by and said that she was in a restricted area. The woman said, "But I wasn't fishing I was reading." "I know," said the ranger, "but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any minute. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "But I'm reading." After arueing for about a minute, the woman said "Okay, but I'll have to report you for sexual assult." "But I-" "I know," said the woman, "but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any minute. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
A dumb blonde is pulled over by a female, blond officer. The officer says, "license and registration please." The blonde digs through her purse and eventually says what does it look like?" The officer says, "well, its square and has your picture on it." The blonde digs some more, finds a square mirror, and hands it to the officer. "Okay," says the officer, "I didn't know you were a cop."
This is an improved version of another joke:
An elderly woman takes her husband for a check up. The man says to the doctor, "I think God knows my sight is going. When I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on when I enter, and turns it off when I leave." This confuses the doctor so he later tells the wife. She says, "so that's why my morning apple juice always tastes funny!"
A man and his wife went out for a day by the lake. After the man came in from fishing, the wife took a book and rowed to the middle of the lake to read. A few minutes later, a ranger came by and said that she was in a restricted area. The woman said, "But I wasn't fishing I was reading." "I know," said the ranger, "but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any minute. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "But I'm reading." After arueing for about a minute, the woman said "Okay, but I'll have to report you for sexual assult." "But I-" "I know," said the woman, "but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start any minute. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
A dumb blonde is pulled over by a female, blond officer. The officer says, "license and registration please." The blonde digs through her purse and eventually says what does it look like?" The officer says, "well, its square and has your picture on it." The blonde digs some more, finds a square mirror, and hands it to the officer. "Okay," says the officer, "I didn't know you were a cop."
This is an improved version of another joke:
An elderly woman takes her husband for a check up. The man says to the doctor, "I think God knows my sight is going. When I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, he turns the light on when I enter, and turns it off when I leave." This confuses the doctor so he later tells the wife. She says, "so that's why my morning apple juice always tastes funny!"