James89
February 12th, 2008, 10:02 PM
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A women gets hit by a bus. Who's fault is it? (two answers)
A) The women's. What was she doing out of the kitchen?
B)The bus. What was the bus doing in the kitchen?
One day a stay at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
Why shouldn't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove
Whats the difference between a TV and a woman.
tvs dont belong in the kitchen.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened when she brings it to you
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
What does a woman with one leg call herself?
-Ilene
What does a Japanese woman with one leg call herself?
-Irene
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
A women gets hit by a bus. Who's fault is it? (two answers)
A) The women's. What was she doing out of the kitchen?
B)The bus. What was the bus doing in the kitchen?
One day a stay at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."
Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.
A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
Why shouldn't women wear watches?
There's a clock on the stove
Whats the difference between a TV and a woman.
tvs dont belong in the kitchen.
Why do women have short feet?
So they can stand closer to the stove
Why don't women need drivers licenses?
There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be opened when she brings it to you
Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
It doesn't need cleaning yet
Why did the woman cross the road?
Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?
What does a woman with one leg call herself?
-Ilene
What does a Japanese woman with one leg call herself?
-Irene
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.