..So..

[TD]

...Yeah, so, I've never really posted in here and to be quite honest I never really thought I would. I usually talk to my friends about my problems, but they are all biased on the situation and I'm quite frankly at a loss. I believe one thing at one point, then the opposite at another point... so this is basically the situation, I won't get into everything but I'll try to explain to the best of my knowledge.

I've known this girl for about 5 years, we dated for a bit and everything, then we became like 'best friends' and stuff like that. We lived down the street from eachother for like the first 4 years and a bit.. and then back in April she had moved across the country to British Columbia.. I live in Ontario. Anyhow, we have kept in touch and we have remained in contact, we talked practically everyday.

Me and my girlfriend broke up in about July-August and she was the one who was always there for me... and just like every other time, she was there. She told me how she hopes I know that she loves me and she always will, stuff like that... which I figure at this point meant as only a friendship or whatever. Well, couple months pass and it's about October-November.. and I'm start to realize that she loves me as more than a friend.

Now, she had also told me shortly before this that she was not ready for a serious relationship or anything like that, and given the fact there is a far distance between us, a long distance relationship is not the easiest thing, especially when you are young. So eventually things got to the point where we were always telling eachother that we love eachother (and yes I love her too), she would always email me at random points just to tell me she missed me and things like that.

We had a couple arguments here and there, but all-in-all, everything was good, and as far as I could tell it was great. She had travelled up North to her grandparents for a few days until Christmas day and was supposed to be back on Boxing Day, she snuck onto the computer whenever she got a chance just so she could email me / message me or whatever it may be.

So, then comes Boxing Day, I wake up expecting she'll be back and instead I find an email from her, a long email at that. And just by reading the first sentence I can tell that it's not good. Now, about five hours before she sent me this email, she was telling me how much she missed me and wished I could be there. So this leads me to believe something extemely drastic happened, but she doesn't really say anything of what happened.

The basic jist of the email was that she had been thinking a lot while she was at her grandparents and that she is not as mature as she thinks she is and has a lot of growing up to do. Throughout the email she constantly reminds me that she loves me, followed by constant apologies that things 'have' to be like this. Then she tells me that her house sold and that her parents have been planning to move to Alberta for sometime and she just found out. She continued to go on about how she feels it's the perfect opportunity for her to start her life over from scratch, to figure herself out and figure other things in her life out, but for that she needs to be alone, which means, no me. Now, she quotes some whole chain letter about "Reasons, Seasons & Lifetimes" in regards to people, she asks me that I please need to 'let her do this', although I literally have no say. At one point she tells me that "You will hear from me, I'll contact you when I'm ready... I do love you".. and then shortly after in that email she says "Sometimes goodbye is the best way.. I'm sorry.".. then her very last words in the email are "I love you, never forget that".

Also something I found extremely peculiar, her house sold in the span of a couple days, and "half an hour" from when she wrote me that email, her & her family were apparently driving from British Columbia to Alberta, to start over and everything. Now to me that seems odd that they just sold their house, they didn't go back to pack or anything and they are just headed straight for Alberta. Am I wrong to find that odd?

So I emailed her back, typically she responds to emails within a day and she didn't reply to my email. She has removed her facebook, her myspace and every other website in which I can have any contact with her whatsoever, so the only thing I have is her email. She has not been on MSN, or I am blocked, I am not sure of which it is. To this day, I still have not received a reply to my email and it has been nearly a week.

Now, last night I was talking to one of her friends online and I had asked her what she was doing for the New Year, and she told me she was going to this girl's house, the one that apparently moved to Alberta. So that strikes me as odd, because as far as I knew, she was in Alberta, but by being told that, it sounds like she is still in British Columbia.

So now, it seems like she lied to me about going to Alberta or something, which I don't really understand why she would do that. Now it seems like her definition of starting her life over is just kicking me out of it. She will not reply to my email and there is never an answer at her house number, so I have no other way to contact her.

What are your opinions on this situation? What should I think? I've heard several theories, but none are consistant with eachother, plus many are from my friends who are either biased or trying to protect me. I just don't understand the whole situation, it feels like there is absolutely nothing I can do and I dislike that feeling. Any advice from anybody? Or at least an opinion on the situation?

Thank you.

[asterisk]

Why can't everybody here type like you? Perfect grammar, good organization, concise... when I first opened the thread I was thinking 'holy wall of text' but it was actually a breeze to read, so thanks for that.

It sounds like she just wanted you out of her life, and she just straight up lied to you about her moving to Alberta. It'd be nice to have some closure on the reasons why she so abruptly shifted gears, but if she's avoiding all contact with you, that's going to be hard. She does tell you that she'll contact you when she's ready, so I guess you'll just have to wait it out. Surely she'll still value your friendship even if she doesn't want a relationship.

Maybe you can talk to her friend about all of this.

[Flip-Hkd]

This sounds really weird, I have never heard of anything like this, I would definitely like to hear Jamie's opinion.

But this seems like a situation where it's best to think out of the box, so I did, and my only theory would be that she for some reason just couldn't handle what you two had, and came up with that whole story of moving...It sounds weird, but there are weird/odd people in the world, you never know.

The main reason I guess that ^ is because there is no way she would lie about loving you, if you two were friends for years that seems out of the equation.

And I think that if she stopped loving you she would just tell you, rather than making up a story about her leaving your life completely, so for someone to go to an extreme like that I can only guess it was too much for her, or it really confused her, maybe she thought ahead too much and just hit her the wrong way...

I really don't know these are just some ideas. Like mentioned above I would try and talk to her friend, and any others that you know that may be able to inform you on anything.

Keep us updated.

[TD]

Thanks for the opinions guys, talking to her friend is pretty much out of the picture now.. I had told the friend something like "I thought she was moving to Alberta".. and she signed offline and has never come back online. Once again, my guess is that I was blocked. So I know something weird is definately going on, a theory one of my friends came up with was that the friend for some odd reason lied to me about going to her house on New Year's to get under my skin. Although to me, this seems extremely far-fetched and quite unlikely that her friend that barely knows me would go to those lengths to confuse me. Despite the fact that she didn't really like me when she first began talking to me, but that was back in the summer and I imagine she doesn't hate me or dislike me as much anymore.

I agree with the idea that she does love me.. to an extent. Personally, maybe it's just a male thing or a thing with me or something, but I don't understand how she could lie so shamelessly and abandon somebody she "loves". In the other hand, she did write a giant email apologizing about it and attempting to assure me that I knew she loved me, another line that was in the email was "You said you'd never forget I love you, well then please don't and please don't doubt it."

As far as her contacting me in the future, I've been worried that it is just a form of cold comfort if you will. If she could lie to me about actually moving to Alberta, what's to say that she is not lying about contacting me in the future? Or maybe she is telling me the truth that she will contact me, I really don't know.

Any more advice or opinions would be appreciated, from anybody.

[Zohaib]

You already mentioned that she said that she didn't want a relationship but you two ended up in a long distance relationship. Maybe she just felt that she wouldn't be able to carry it on or didn't want to for some reason. She mentions not being mature enough, perhaps it's a reference to her realizing that she can't handle a long distance relationship?

The whole thing just looks like she doesn't want to continue her relationship with you, for whatever reason it maybe. It does look like she lied to you but you wrote it from your perspective so we can't really know for sure. But whether she was telling the truth or lying is irrelevant as she has made it clear at this point she doesn't want to continue the relationship. She probably cut contact with you to make it easier for herself to move on.

Whatever the whole situation is with her, the basic idea is that she broke up with you. At this point instead of dwelling too much into it, you should just try and get over her. If it was an issue she needed your help in, she should have asked for it.

Just try and move on instead of thinking too much about why she broke up with you or taking the risk of waiting for her to contact you.

[al majnun]

The basic jist of the email was that she had been thinking a lot while she was at her grandparents and that she is not as mature as she thinks she is and has a lot of growing up to do.


There's your answer. Right there. Sounds like she had trouble letting go but finally moved on. There could be many reasons but the one that sticks out is:

Now, she had also told me shortly before this that she was not ready for a serious relationship or anything like that, and given the fact there is a far distance between us, a long distance relationship is not the easiest thing, especially when you are young.


it's over. She spelled it out. ALthough be it indirectly.

[~Sean~]

Gnome Lover and al majnun both make excellent points. Veritably, the reason for her cutting off contact doesn't change the options you have at this point; you're not in a position to overturn her decision, regardless of the logic behind it. Moving on is the only surefire solution in this situation.. especially now, seeing as she hasn't specified when she plans to come back. It sounds like she legitimately intends to, but that's not a guarantee by any stretch of the imagination. Her mind could change in that regard the same way it did to bring about this scenario.

Your curiosity here is justified, but there's only so much you can do. The things you need to know, fortunately, are there in black and white. Not everything is going to be exposed, though. Suffice to say you're going to have to hold off on trying to get the other answers.

[Cody.]

Everyone else has basically covered this up. She gives you multiple obvious hints that she isn't up to having a close long distance relationship and basically claims that she needs her space from you for a while. But to add my two cents into this, I'd say that she just came to a point where her feelings for you were building up inside and she wanted no more of that. There's nothing she can really do about it when she's across the country from you and get you out of her mind when she's constanly e-mailing you. So my guess is that she's doing herself a favor in order of avoiding those personal feelings for you stash up more and more to the point where things are too difficult to put up with. I'll contact you when I'm ready...This part right here practically gives that away. I think she may have blocked you from several of her personal pages to resist the temptation of talking to you until she feels like she has moved up and can see you only as someone of a best friend to her, and not one of her dreams so you could say. So I wouldn't think that she's completely 'avoiding' you necessarily but, finding ways to make her job easier. Though lieing about moving to Alberta may have been pushing it if that was a lie but, I suppose whatever works.

All I can say is: Wait. Give her a few weeks or so then send her in an e-mail and see if she replies. If she doesn't, perhaps more time is needed for her.

[Crazy Jamie]

Gnome Lover and al majnun both make excellent points. Veritably, the reason for her cutting off contact doesn't change the options you have at this point; you're not in a position to overturn her decision, regardless of the logic behind it. Moving on is the only surefire solution in this situation.. especially now, seeing as she hasn't specified when she plans to come back. It sounds like she legitimately intends to, but that's not a guarantee by any stretch of the imagination. Her mind could change in that regard the same way it did to bring about this scenario.

Your curiosity here is justified, but there's only so much you can do. The things you need to know, fortunately, are there in black and white. Not everything is going to be exposed, though. Suffice to say you're going to have to hold off on trying to get the other answers.
I could write at length here, but a lot of good advice has already been given and to be honest I couldn't sum it up much better than that. It may not be what you actually want to hear, but I do think that Sean has laid everything out very well there.

[Linxz]

"I love you, never forget that"

Unfortunately, you now know the definition of a beautiful lie.


As for the MSN things, try creating an alt account but make it the email address sound like a girls email address, but dont go overboard other wise she may pick it up straight away. Then once she has added you, sign in on that email address every couple of days, but make sure you appear offline when you sign in, so you know when she is on but not when you are. If you feel you must know why she did this, try and talk to her but act like a girl, maybe a cousin she does not see very often, and then, slowly work towards the 'move' of hers. The only problem with this is that if she is as smart as i suspect she may be, she would have probably created a new email account so this cannot happen.

Also, she has gone to some extreme lengths to keep you away. Maybe she has found out something about you that you thought noone else knew. But a for a person to go to this lenght to break up is very drastic, even if you have known them for many years. To have yourself completely erased from 'The Grid' is a preety hard thing to cope with after you've done it. She would have had to basically done this right under your nose by telling all her friends her new email, new phone number, where she may or may not have moved to. If she used your computer at all during this period, try checking your 'Recent' files folder, there may be some clues in there.

It also seems she is sincere in the fact that she loves you, even with all this evidence pointing in the complete opposite direction. She may still love you, but does not want to break your heart so to speak. Or maybe she is in some kind of trouble that she doesn't want you to get mixed up in. I know it sounds 'filmish' but its just another variable to consider.

[TD]

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their time, their opinions and thoughts on the situation. You have pretty much helped me come to terms with what I had hoped wasn't true and I suppose I am just going through denial with the whole situation.

She has seemingly kicked me out of her life completely, as far as her blocking me from her sites, friends of mine looked her up on those websites and everything and it seems as if she legitimately deleted her accounts everywhere. She has not deleted me from MSN because of that feature you can check to see who has you on their list, although she may have blocked me, or what I believe to be even more probable is she just created a new email address.

The hardest part of this whole thing has been the uncertainty of the entire situation and the concept of being completely removed from her life at a drop of a hat. I still do not understand the need to lie about Alberta and not tell me the truth about everything, maybe I never will.

So, thank you to everytime who took their time. It's appreciated.

[TD]

So, it's me again... bringing up an old topic for a reason. She has tried to contact me a lot sooner than I expected her to. She sent me an email on Friday night that I have still yet to read, there's no subject line and I imagine it's a fairly long email because of the fact it is "16kb". I'm unsure whether or not I should read it. Technically it could make me worse off or in the other hand, it could make me understand everything more.

What do you guys think I should do? I haven't deleted it or anything, it's just sitting in my inbox unread. I don't know whether or not I should read it...

[Cody.]

Well you've asked and mentioned a lot of things that you found odd and suspitious that you really wanted answered so, perhaps some of those answers your looking for are contained inside the e-mail, and if you can tell its lengthy, then its probably important.

So, why not?

[SilverTempest]

Read it. It may be good for you, but it may also be bad for you. The thing is, it's going to answer questions.

[al majnun]

So, it's me again... bringing up an old topic for a reason. She has tried to contact me a lot sooner than I expected her to. She sent me an email on Friday night that I have still yet to read, there's no subject line and I imagine it's a fairly long email because of the fact it is "16kb". I'm unsure whether or not I should read it. Technically it could make me worse off or in the other hand, it could make me understand everything more.

What do you guys think I should do? I haven't deleted it or anything, it's just sitting in my inbox unread. I don't know whether or not I should read it...

Go ahead and read it. First couple of lines should at least partially reveal what she's on about this time. Don't get your hopes up or anything. It's all just soap now.

[Flip-Hkd]

Good or bad, I think it is information you need to know.

[Crazy Jamie]

I agree with the above posters. It's going to give you information either way, and it is clearly something that she wants you to read. So read it.

[TD]

So it was unanimous that I read it so I went ahead and read it, I'm glad I did.

She pretty much confessed everything and was completely honest about it all. She told me that she was lying about Alberta and all of this stuff. However she was not lying that she loves me, she just doesn't know "how" she loves me. She never wanted me completely out of her life, she just needed time away to think. She was not sure if she loved me when she wrote that email, she doubted it really. Then after she wrote the initial email and as time passed, she started to miss me and apparently realize that she does love me. She said sorry about a million times, she pulls the whole you deserve to be happy thing, all of that. It was a rather long email but I'm attempting to just simplify it. She hopes I will let her back into my life, but will understand if I need a lot of time. She also went on how she doesn't expect me to believe her now after all she has done, she'll never forgive herself. She knows I will never trust her again.

Basically her reason for never replying is what a couple of you said. She didn't want to see the effect that it had on me. She got "scared" of seeing how badly it would hurt me. She knew it would, but she got scared of dealing with it. She emailed me because she claims she got tired of running and hiding from her fears, that I deserve the truth and she was going to give it to me. She knows what she did was wrong and it was just a giant mistake.

The funny thing is, now that I've read the email I've been thinking for a while and... well, I just don't even know what to say to her.

[Flip-Hkd]

Kind of like you're glad about the outcome but what you had to go through to get there wasn't worth it?

Well what do you think you're going to do now? I'm guessing pursue her...

Make sure she knows that pulling stuff like that isn't a good way of going about things.