Ralph Nader
December 11th, 2007, 06:09 PM
There once were three guys who didn't have any money. or any food.
They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satisfied.
One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"
They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .
They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .
The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.
She took him into her barn and said to get started.
He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.
Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started f***ing her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started f***ing her with that one.
Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .
The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.
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On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of 100 pounds per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's 7000 pounds." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's 7500 pounds." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my d*** to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!" The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands sahr!"
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Two old men suffering from long term memory loss were sitting on the steps of the old-age home when an ice cream van drove past. "Gee," said the first old codger. "I'd love an ice cream right now." "Would you like me to get you one?" asked the second old bloke. "Are you joking?" the first old fart snapped back. "You'd forget my order straight away." "No I wouldn't," replied the second." "All right, then," said his mate. "I want a double cone with mint ice cream and choc chips, and a cherry on top." The second old bloke repeated the order flawlessly. Five minutes later he walked back carrying two meat pies. The first old bloke looked at the pies in disgust then yelled, "I knew I should've gone myself. You forgot the bloody sauce!"
They had been stealing food for the past couple of days and still wern't satisfied.
One guy finally said ,"Wouldn't it be better to ask for food instead of stealing it ?"
They all agreed so one day they went up to this house and rang the door bell . An old lady answered .
They asked her for food . She said she would only give them food if they slept with her .
The first guy refused and so did the second, but the third guy was so hungry that he agreed.
She took him into her barn and said to get started.
He said he wanted to blindfold her and she agreed because she was so desperate.
Once blindfolded he took a piece of corn and started f***ing her with it. He threw that piece of corn out the barn window and took another piece of corn and started f***ing her with that one.
Afterwards she fed him like she said she would and he left .
The two other guys told him they couldn't believe he had done that for food, especially since they had found free corn around the side of the barn.
__________________________________________________ ____________
On returning from battle in the Falkland Islands, 3 soldiers are asked to report to their commander. The commander states that because of services rendered the army will pay each soldier a sum of 100 pounds per inch on their bodies, from one point to another of their choice. The commander asks the first soldier, a special forces commando, how he can measure him up. "I'll have the top of my head, to the tips of my toes, sahr!" replies the man of war. "Excellent," says the commander, that's "70 inches, so here's 7000 pounds." Secondly a marine states that he will have the tip of one arm outstretched measured to the other outstretched. "Excellent," replies the commander after measuring the marine, "75 inches, so that's 7500 pounds." Thirdly he asks the explosives expert. "I'll have measured the tip of my d*** to he end of my balls sahr!" The commander is a little taken aback by this but agrees, and after several seconds down in the private's privates he snaps back up saying "Where in Christ are your balls soldier?!" The soldier smiles at him and says "Falkland Islands sahr!"
__________________________________________________ _____________
Two old men suffering from long term memory loss were sitting on the steps of the old-age home when an ice cream van drove past. "Gee," said the first old codger. "I'd love an ice cream right now." "Would you like me to get you one?" asked the second old bloke. "Are you joking?" the first old fart snapped back. "You'd forget my order straight away." "No I wouldn't," replied the second." "All right, then," said his mate. "I want a double cone with mint ice cream and choc chips, and a cherry on top." The second old bloke repeated the order flawlessly. Five minutes later he walked back carrying two meat pies. The first old bloke looked at the pies in disgust then yelled, "I knew I should've gone myself. You forgot the bloody sauce!"