Boyfriend's friends

[kittykat512]

I have a boyfriend. I absolutly hate his freinds and he hates mine. Our friends are a big part of us and I don't know if we can survive if we don't get the acceptance of our friends. An example...my boyfriend (Chris) has a friend (Paul). Paul is my ex. We went out for over a year until a guy (CJ) ruined it. Well me and Paul fight...a lot. Physically. He tackles me and normally I throw him down the hallway. We also have a 45 foot drop going down the stairs. He likes to push me off that...Another example...my friend (Liz) hates pretty much everyone known demand. She likes to go and torment Chris's friends...very badly. Breaking their bones...*wide eyes* She pushed one of my friends that is also Chris's friends (John) off a slide. He broke his arm. Then another day she pushed Chris off a swing (in 5th grade) onto the concrete...his head cracked a little bit and he broke his leg. It was so sad to see him cry...he was so little.......ok back to topic. Can anyone give me help for my naughty friends? Thanks a lot! :)

[LIVE WITH IT]

uh... how about you all make a truce not to torment eachother, and try to actually enjoy eachother's company without being pushed down a flight of stairs.

[kittykat512]

Well...that's a good idea but they probably won't know what a truce is...even if I explain it...they barely know what left is...and I do try to enjoy Paul's company but he's pretty darn ugly. I can't really look at him for more than 2 minutes without gagging...that's mean but it's the truth. And they are fighters...trained and forced. Paul and Liz...that is their lives...fighting. they can get pretty violent sometimes...they are on the point of expulsion. And I don't want that to happen...no matter how bad they are...it's not their fault...their siblings...their parents...they forced them to fight...abandoned...Paul was a wreck when I first found him...battered...abused...scars all over his face...he was born to fight...and that's the way his parents brought him up...who would do that to a kid? I mean seriously...he has new parents now...but they still barely feed him...but give him anything else he could want...except for braces...poor Paul...:(

[Cody.]

Just by reading how each of your guys' friends behave normally around each other, a simple truce isn't going to make them suddenly stop hating or fighting each other. If this is how some of your friends and his friends act normally, then I think that you and your BF need to divide and talk to each others friends that have issues and set things straight. Behavor as such needs to be dealt anyways, without the physical abuse. So try to either start fresh with each others friends and make new friends, Or ignore them, avoid them, do whatever you guys need to do to avoid the situation you guys are in.

[Grey Angel]

Just by reading how each of your guys' friends behave normally around each other, a simple truce isn't going to make them suddenly stop hating or fighting each other. If this is how some of your friends and his friends act normally, then I think that you and your BF need to divide and talk to each others friends that have issues and set things straight. Behavor as such needs to be dealt anyways, without the physical abuse. So try to either start fresh with each others friends and make new friends, Or ignore them, avoid them, do whatever you guys need to do to avoid the situation you guys are in

I agree to this, but to an extent. In the last part about making new friends, tyou two are going to have to leave the school altogether, maybe even the city based on what I can tell from the reactions of both of your friends. They will start asking questions about where you two have been and why you two have been absent in their lives. So just talk to them yourselves, ask them why they don't like eachother. It could be that they're afraid that you two are taking eachother away from eachother's friends.

[strewart]

and I do try to enjoy Paul's company but he's pretty darn ugly. I can't really look at him for more than 2 minutes without gagging...that's mean but it's the truth

Umm.. If thats the case, then how did this happen?

Paul is my ex. We went out for over a year

[kittykat512]

I don't exactly know. When we went out...we never really looked at each other...about the friend thing though...we can't really separate ourselves. Paul is in my Gym/Health class. Liz and Chris are in my lunch. Any time Chris comes near me Liz like threatens to bite his head off because "He's so ugly." I have a friend in Chris's group of friends and his name is John McGuire. I can't really stand him, but he's better than Paul...I'll try to get them accostumed to each other but...it's gonna take time...lots and lots of time...

[Cody.]

Well you could just have you and your boyfriend use some presuasion by having him threaten his friends if they don't learn to get along and you could do the samething, Because your right, it will take a long time for any of our guys' friends to begin to treat each other nice, especially since there behavior is chaotic.

Other than that, I don't really know what else to tell you right now.

[kittykat512]

Yea. But bad thing...Chris can control Paul and so can I but Liz...she is the strongest person in school. No one tells her what to or...or...your as good as dead. They don't normally see each other during the day, btu when they do it's a total dogfight. We can break them up but it's hard work. I suggest to my self keep Paul AWAY from Liz.

[Grey Angel]

Well, if it's the case, ask them, don't tell, and if they get in your face about it, just say you're asking as a friend, and if they really respect your friendship, they'll do it for you. Shoot, you can even say that she might date someone you'll hate to the core, but you won't do anything b/c you respect her so much as a friend. Tell your boyfriend to do the same thing and it should work out faster, but not immediatly.

[kittykat512]

Ok. Well she actually is going out with this one guy...I don't hate him but he's like...scary looking...sort of like a ghost he's so pale...

[Grey Angel]

Well, there you go, now that you have ammo, load the gun and fire. Well, that's probably not a good analogy, but still, use this to your advantage. But if she doesn't know this guy makes you uncomfortable, then it's pointless, and it'll be pretty bad if you bring that up when you're trying to convince her. I mean, just imagine telling her that her boyfriend makes you uncomfortable, but you are putting up with it because you respect her so much. She'll just hear it as an insult, and the worst possible time to bring it up to her.

[kittykat512]

Yea...she broke up with him for the 11th time today. She's desperatly in love with Chris's friend but they won't go out...or at least she says she loves him...I could imagine them being together...a perfect couple...hmmm...like me and Chris. Total opposites, but manageable. :D

[Grey Angel]

If you can tie the strings between them, then your friendships will all start to sew together. Well, that was a better analogy, but yea, if you can hook them up, just you and your boyfriend, then all will be well, for you will have two people who'll side with you, and if I'm correct, they'll play a major role in bringing everyone to their senses!

[kittykat512]

Yea. If I can mend with John our troubles will be over with her...but not with Paul. He's a born fighter, and not many people like him. But I know one girl that does...but the prblem is I don't like that girl...but she can be standable so I can try to hook them up too. Thanks for the advice. :D

[Grey Angel]

No problem, it's what I do. If things start to get rough, just PM me or anyone else here and we'll try to figure something out for you.

[kittykat512]

Ok. Thanks. But I have another problem now...it's fall as most of you know and the leaves are falling...Chris...poor Chris...he's terribly afraid of leaves. How can I prove to him that leaves aren't scary? He cracked his head wide open when he jumped in a pile of leaves when he was 4 and now...he's still scared...

[Grey Angel]

Well, there's nothing much you can do other than 'train' him, if you will, to be accustomed to the leaves. Something like this could take months, even years to accomplish. It's all psychological, but if anything, try and get a dired up leaf, and put it on the ground, try to make him step on it, that'll prove that they're harmless, unless of course he slips on it somehow and falls on his head, again.... Or you could always get a pile of leaves, and dumpe them on him, prove to him that it wasn't the leaves that are harmful, but the possible solid, pianful, objects, in the pile of leaves.

[kittykat512]

I'll take te big pile of leaves. I wanna scare him sooooo bad. Then I'll "train" him to not be scared of them. HE loves the boggiest part of my yard so I guess I'll put lots and lots of leaves there. This is going to take a long hile I know...but thanks for your help. :D

[Grey Angel]

No problem, just glad to help.

[kittykat512]

I threw leaves on him today. :D He freaked, but I think he was getting better because he actually touched one with his hand. :D It's going to take a while though. :D

[Grey Angel]

Just don't do too much at once, trust me. Even if you're on the verge of a break through, it could still go bad, so be careful.

[kittykat512]

Ok. Thanks. I made him touch a tree. And he freaked again. But the next day he always seems willing. :D

[Cody.]

Ok. Thanks. But I have another problem now...it's fall as most of you know and the leaves are falling...Chris...poor Chris...he's terribly afraid of leaves. How can I prove to him that leaves aren't scary? He cracked his head wide open when he jumped in a pile of leaves when he was 4 and now...he's still scared...
I'm not sure if you really need anymore advice on this but, It seems that your friend Chris has an phobia for leaves, if it hasn't been mentioned yet, I would suggest working with him on that phobia, find ways that will help incourage him that leaves are completely harmless, like cats when it comes to water.

[kittykat512]

Yea. Talking about kities they love the water! But back on subject. He's actually touching leaves, but he always looks like he's going to die when he does. I think I might be getting somewhere...

[Xellos]

this whole thread brings up some really serious questions... that i wont go into for now...

just keep trying with the leaf thing - it will work

[kittykat512]

You can go into serious questions. It won't bother me. He played in a pile of leaves today. YAY!!!

[Wej]

well leaves are very scary if that happened to him ande good for him for playing in leaves

[kittykat512]

He's still scared but he's getting so much better. I think he's starting ot like them now. :D

[Wej]

Well you should pour a bag of leaves on him one day and see how he reacts.

[kittykat512]

Ok. I'll do that when I catch him.

[Grey Angel]

Well you should pour a bag of leaves on him one day and see how he reacts.

I'm sorry, but that would probably (has probably) cause him to revert to his original state, or even worse. By surprising him with something he fears, is terrifying! It's basic psychology, that the one being susepted (think I spelled it wrong) MUST be presented with the fear before they interact with it. By having them surprised by the thing they fear, especially from childhood could seriously damage them. It's something NEVER advised by a professional psychologist.

[kittykat512]

Okeydokee. He ran away before I could catch him. But right now I think he's playing in the leaves outside...but I'm not sure...yea...he is. He doesn't seem to be afraid of individual leaves anymore but he's still terrified of big piles. =] lol. My friend is trying to persuade him to jump in...I wear...people can be soooo weird sometimes. =]

[Grey Angel]

It's not weird, it's just conditioning. He just experienced something that had a bad effect on him, so to him, pile of leaves=pain. What I suggest, started making tiny piles of leaves, and try to get him to step and/or jump in it. From there, slowly up the amount of leaves so that way, to him, pile of leaves=fun.

[kittykat512]

Ok. He stepped in a pile of about 5 today. Butttttttt knowing him he fell down and hit his head on the picnic table...bnnack to the starting block...

[Grey Angel]

Well, keep trying, it won't be too long until he finds them as harmless leaves soon enough.

[kittykat512]

I hope so...he's getting very well um...strange...well thanks for the advice and such. :D