My Life

[Dr. Manhattan]

So I decided to start my own blog, so meh.

Not a lot has been happening today. I had a couple of tests in school. My history test sucked because it consisted of about eighteen pages of writing. I finally got all of my late work made up which is pretty sweet. I'm not totally sure what to write right now, so I'll add some more later.

[Dr. Manhattan]

So today my brother got a new computer. That would be pretty sweet and all if it weren't for the fact that he took the external drive that we had been sharing. So now I am left without any programs at all. No Photoshop, no Warcraft III, no AIM, all I have is internet.

I also got to finally play Halo 3 for the first time. I wasn't impressed, I mean it really wasn't anything special at all. We played Live together for about 6 hours, and by hour number 2 I could get first or second in pretty much every round. This was all last night, today we went paintballing together, which was pretty fun. He got an amazing new custom gun that looks exactly like an MP5, it has a scope, and can shoot within an inch at 200 feet.

[Dr. Manhattan]

I just refound Warcraft III which is pretty much completely awesome. The unfortunate part is that it's only ROC (Reign of Chaos for all you noobs :P). But I just finished an intense game of Hero Line Wars.

The basis of the game is that you have a hero, and you send guys or "creeps" at the other team. Each time you create a creep it takes up gold, but each time you create one it adds to your income, which adds to your stock pile every 20 seconds. The point of the game is to send enough creeps to the point that you overwhelm the other team and get your guys into the point their defending, while defending your own. Their are other more detailed parts to it, but that's the basic gist.

So anyway, I was playing a game, and wouldn't you know it, the other 4 guys on my team dropped. So it ended up being 1v5 (Me being the 1) and I was able to hold them off for almost an hour. In the end my Hero's stats were as follows.

Level: 83
Strength: 85000 (Rounded)
Intelligence: 74500 (Rounded)
Agility: 80000 (Rounded)

It was an insanely fun game though. Alright, I'm off to go play some more.

[Dr. Manhattan]

So I got some of my grades back today, and it isn't good. It turns out that I have two F's. I have an F in History because of about six missing assignments. I have an F in Literature because of two missing assignments. And I have a C in German because of four missing assignments and a missing project. So it's going to be fun making up all of my missing assignments.....ugh.......

[Dr. Manhattan]

Once again, school was incredibly boring, at least for the first part of the day. We got to do some incredibly "fun" activites in lit that consisted of talking about "Othello". Which I, personally, don't like to much. From there I went on to 4th. I chilled in the library for a bit, then went off to Humble Bagel to go eat. There, I ran into Kurt along with Colin and Sean, whom I ate a deliciously unsatisfying lunch of a bagle.

Lunch was easily the most enjoyable part of the day, I got to hang with Bridget and pretty much everyone in the CF. From there on I went to math, in which I had a quiz, which I'm pretty sure I aced. *flex*. Bio was also really boring, I spent the period not really paying attention to what Drumm was saying about some IB thing, then went on to try and stall her with the rest of the class. It was unsuccessful.

German was boringish, I got to talk with Jess, Spinoza, and Ali B about random stuff while Kathy (Our teacher) was talking. From there I went to Tango, which was a tad boring because I was just reviewing the basics, but it was apparently helpful, cuz Bridget said I'm getting better. (Woot) I saw her off at the bust stop and took the bus home as well. The fun part was not having my sweatshirt which I apparently left in one of my classses, so by the time I got home I was colder than the South Pole. Pancakes and Eggs for dinner was nice, it really warmed me up. Then I got on here and wrote this. I think I'm gonna go take a shower now...

[Dr. Manhattan]

Teenage years, it's a time in which a person has to deal with hormones, puberty, developing into a human being that will be accepted into society, and at the same time we have to go through something that pretty much determines how the rest of our life is going to end up.

I had a semi-enjoyable talk with Kate (Bridget and Danaan's mother) about why grades are so important. During this talk I completely agreed with what she said, grades are important, they do determine how your life is. If you get good grades you have more options, if you don't get good grades, you can't do as much stuff with your life. So why the hell do they have us go through something so important, during an incredibly hard stage in our life?

We're expected to deal with homework, studying, tests, and doing well all together while dealing with hormones, puberty, feeling awkward, and the overall a*sholeness of the majority of teenagers. It's hard enough trying to force myself to do my homework, I have to force myself to go into my room, get out my homework, and do something that I really don't want to do at all. Why should I do homework when I could be doing something that's actually fun?

Meanwhile, during all this toil that our teachers put us through, telling us it'll "be okay" and it'll "work out fine" our minds are progressing through the stage in which we become an "adult". We start to notice others of the opposite gender, or sometimes those of the same gender. We as teenagers are told how we have to look to fit in with everyone else. We have to do what's "cool", the media is always telling us how important it is to get a girlfriend or boyfriend, and as much as we would like to deny it, we listen. Trying to figure out who we are, what "groups" we fit into, trying to find friends, it's already difficult as hell.

Even with just these two things, developing through our teenage years, and the stress of doing well in something that is in the top five most important things ever, we have to deal with peer pressure. "Try this" "do this" "come on, all the cool kids are doing it". Phrases that are heard every single day, it might not be worded the same, but it's the same idea. It doesn't even have to be drugs, I'm tempted every day to not pay attention (which I normally give into), to go out and eat rather than do my homework (which I also normally give into) and just hang out. And of course their's drugs, what kid isn't tempted to try pot, or drink a little? Their might be the good few that are able to not wonder, and they should be proud for it, but not all of us are that strong.

I guess it boils down to, it's stupid to have people go through one of the most important things in their life, during the hardest and most impressionable time in their life. It's a terrible combination.

~Fin~

[Dr. Manhattan]

So, after talking with Danaan, Matt, and Bridget (Mainly Danaan) about who I am, how I act, and why I am who I am, I came to realize something. What people know of Joe Bakke, is not who I am at all. We talked about why I try to be an a*shole, I'm not going to go into specifics why I do, but we figured out that it actually has some deep psychological past issues. Eventually, after our 8 - 9 hour talk, I went to sleep. After I woke up, I was really depressed for some reason. It went into me realizing how insecure with myself I am, which is why I have to boost my own ego so much. And from there I realized that when my friends tell me that I'm not that smart, or cool, or awesome or whatever, I really take it to heart because I really value their opinions. And after hearing stuff like that for practically the entire year, it had not only brought my ego down to a "good" size, it had also beat my self esteem down to an unhealthy level.

Once I got on the bus, I was sitting and a song by Lily Allen called "Take what you take" came on. I was listening to it, and the lyrics.

"Say what you say,
Do what you do
Feel what you feel,
As long as it's real.
I said take what you take
And give what you give
Just be what you want,
Just as long as it's real."

Really got to me, I decided, right there and then, that I need to stop completely pretending to be someone that I'm not and accept myself as who I truly am. And surprisingly enough, the person that I really am is almost completely opposite of what people see me as. I'm nice, caring, loving, happy, and enjoy pretty much everything I do. (And for the record, that's not because I want to be like Danaan, it's actually true) After realising this, another song came on. "Everyone desereves music" by Michael Franti and Spearhead. Now, I interpreted it as everyone deserves love. And then I decided that I love everyone, no matter who they are, what their personal views are, I love them. I may not agree with what they say or think, but I love them for having opinions, and for being a human. So my goals that come along with this new philosophy include.

- Being nicer in general.
- Expressing my love for everyone.
- Boosting everyone's self esteem, no matter who they are.

I'm going to try and do this by.

- Not being goaded into getting angry.
- Smiling at everyone I make eye contact with.
- Complimenting people.
- Helping people through their problems

I hope that you enjoyed my litle thoughts, and I hope I can stick by them and really improve myself as a person.

___________

Comments and thoughts would be appreciated.