Lightning's Blog

[~Lightning~]

So, After reading the blogs ere for a fair while I decided to make one of my own.

I'm just coming to the end of my first year of College and have just the last exam to do, this has it's bad points however, it's left me full of anxiety as to what will happen if I don't manage to do well enough to be accepted back next year to finish off my courses (English Literature, Geography, Environmental Science and soon Archaeology to replace ICT) I have no real qualifications (GCSE's which mean just about nothing to a potential employer) and therefore would probably struggle to find a job that would support me.

To make things worse, even if I do get back in college next year I still have no idea what I want to do once I finish my courses, A few ideas have been rattling around inside of my head for a while now, I hope to continue on to Uni to either study Geography or some kind of Earth studies after which I suppose I need to find a job.

The problem is this has lead to me being pressured by my family to do well, making things far more difficult due to an unwanted feeling of responisbility on my part.

My relationship with my father is slowly getting better, none of you will know this but we happen to be the polar opposite of each other, he dropped out of school at 15 to become a heavy plant machinery operator (construction industry) and is one of those men who seem to have little regard for the feelings of others, this is accentuated by the fact I happen to be somewhat the black sheep of my family and to my mind, the less cared for son on my fathers part. He constantly tells me about how at my age he was out working and earning money but the thing is that he never attended further education, he seems to be under the impression I have tonnes of spare time (most of which is spent either laying around doing nothing or being generally worthless).

What makes this worse is that my brother is like my father in just about every way, he shares plenty of common interests with him whereas I don't (I enjoy reading, music and gaming alongside furthering my comprehension of the world/history), I also usually end up being insulted by my father almost casually, for instance, If I were to do something wrong then I may be graced with the nickname Dumbf*ck or similar names, none of which help my somewhat low self esteem (partially caused by the sort of person I am and partly due to my varied problems : Bad eyesight, ADHD and a bit of extra weight).

Other than this though my life is pretty good, I have plenty of friends and to my knowledge, no enemies, I seem to be doing well at college and I have a future that will hopefully go well.

[aiat_gamer]

well,i kinda fell for you there man,i have the same problems and to make things owrst im 24 and have a degree in metallorgy but i hate it,i didnt like in one bit in uni.my father doesnt call me dumbf**** but he does disagree with everything i say and do but it isnt that bad.i try not to be around when he is at home(maybe i should open a blog my self!)
try to find what you really want(i recommand going to uni).things will brighten up.how old are you if i may ask?

[~Lightning~]

I'm 16, Born on the 11th of August 1990

[Olga]

While A levels are obviously a plus, they're not actually all that necessary. If you get any kind of job - anything at all - and keep it for a certain while, so that you have at least some sort of job experience, you'll survive perfectly fine.
Obviously I'm not talking about jobs where a degree is an absolute must, but with things like management in different companies it's not super important. Trust me on this; one of my family members is an extremely good headhunter, and they told me what they look at when it comes to picking out potential candidates for high class jobs.

Let me rephrase this.
Let's say you don't do well in your A levels, for whatever reason.
You don't get into a prestigious university, but into somewhere not quite as high up.
You get a degree at said university.

No one gives a damn what university you are from if they're experienced employers.
The headhunter in question told me that they had come across some Oxford/Cambridge folks, and it did f*ck all when it came to the overall opinion of the candidate. It's job experience and overall people/logic/how you handle things skills.
So don't worry, be happy. A great many people never do anything related to their degree anyway, as I'm sure you know.

[~Lightning~]

Heh, I knew that what degree you have doesn't particularly matter (My old school had a head of ICT with a degree in Geography).

Thanks for the advice though, it's reassuring to know that :D

[~Lightning~]

Soo, off to pick up my new glasses today. According to my optician my eyesight has stayed the same as it was last year so nothing new there.
I have to say however, I am so glad that I decided to pick up seom new frames, The current ones are hideously flimsy (The arms have snapped 3 times altogether) and they leave lines on my temples from being too tight :(

Altogether my glasses and contact lenses came to £132 which is pretty hefty to be honest, especially since I have very little cash right now (onto my last £20) so I decided to write up my CV (Resume to any Americans reading) so I can get myself a job through my 8 weeks off in the summer.

On other news, 9 weeks till my birthday so I'll be asking for driving lessons for that :D

[aiat_gamer]

you have to pay for you glasses from your own money??

[~Lightning~]

The frames for them, yes. £60 of that total was for contact lenses however

[aiat_gamer]

man if my parents dont pay for stuff like that...

[~Lightning~]

Hmm, Well. I got my results and made it with Three C's, a D and an E (class i pretty much flunked).

I've moved into my second year of college and at the minute I'm busy applying to Uni for next year (if I decide to go). I'm totally bogged down with coursework and Essays and various other things (like learning to drive).

One good thing though; I'm off to Iceland next year for a week, it's my first time Flying or leaving England so it should be fun :D

[~Lightning~]

So, near enough three months have passed since the last post.

My second year is going well and I've sent off my university applications, I'm hoping to get into Bournemouth University (for two reasons, firstly, it's the course I want to do the most. The second will be revealed soon).

I've lost my best friend (He completely failed his exams, Three U grades and two E's) but I've made a ton of new ones in the first year. One of which I seem to have fallen in love with, She may be totally paranoid (out of four boyfriends, all have cheated on her) but I love her all the same. She has a boyfriend so I'm content to stay friends with her, something I intend to do for the rest of my life if possible, even if it never does lead to anything. She pretty much makes me feel brilliant, the two of us have similar personalities but with certain differences (She for example is a good artist, I fail at painting my walls) and we can always cheer each other up.

The guy she's with is a decent bloke, he makes her happy where even I fail (Her family has massive problems, her mum has cancer and was abused as a child, her father has a heart condition and various other problems). She goes through bouts of seeming happiness even if she's sadder than I could possibly imagine on the inside. She is the other reason I wish to go to Bournemouth, after she finishes college, she intends to go to Bournemouth Arts college.

Due to her past in relationships, respect for her and her boyfriend and the fact that I like to see her happy, I would never even conssider attempting to get her to break up her relationship. I don't even know if anything would happen, therefore, I'll stay friends unless she want's to be more than that.

In regards to jobs, I failed miserably =[ I was rejected by Tesco (Basically, a sh*t Wal Mart in England) and didn't get a christmas job, even though I applied to a fair few companies.

I myself have been alright, I've had a few moments that were bad (one was bad enough to convince my friends I was going through a nervous breakdown =/) and a lot that were good. My socail life has improved greatly (I used to be pretty reclusive, Meeting this girl has somewhat drawn me out of my shell).

My taste in music has broadened and I've changed somewhat, Im more amture than I was before I moved into my second college year. I also tried my hand at poetry but I wasn't sure the result was all that good:

I spend my time dreaming

Of could be's and has been's

Of things that could have been

Or should have been



Frolicking Wildly

In the far reaches of my mind

Thoughts of things

That never were and never will

Be


I probably won't be back until next year with another blog, Ill respond to any comments though.

Merry christmas.

[Ciara Valentine]

wow not a bad poem


good luck with A2 :) (im guessing you were yr12 last year and were doing AS?)
im supposed to be doing mine this year but yet again im moving so i wont get a chance to, i missed out on GCSEs coz i lived in france, and now im missing out on a-levels coz im moving to spain....I hope u do ok :)

hope u had a good xmas and new years as well :)

x

[~Lightning~]

Yeah, I did my AS exams last year and moved on to A2.

I'm hoping to go on to Uni to study either Geography or Environmental Forensics.

Hope you had a good christmas too

[Linxz]

Let me start off by saying, great poem. Secondly, I would give you my pity for your hard life, but you don't seem the sort to need it. This girl seems to have really brightened up your life, try not to lose her, as women who do that are usually the women you want to spend the rest of your life with. Also good luck with your Bournemouth application, just one question is Bournemouth just an Arts University? If so, what arts will you choose to study? I'm taking a guess at music?

[~Lightning~]

Nope.

I plan on going to the Academic Uni while she intends to go to the Arts Uni, the two aren't too far away so We'll still be seeing plenty of one another when we go Or once she arrives a year later).

However, if I had ANY musical talent I would probably give it a go.

I don't however, therefore I decided to go for Geography or Environmental Forensics.

[Linxz]

Ohk, sounds good, funny though, I have never met someone interested in geography before. Do you have any idea what you want to do/be workwise?

[~Lightning~]

To be entirely honest, no.

I wouldn't mind working for the Environment agency or something likle that ut otherwise, I'm totally unsure.

I guess it all depends on what I can do with my choice

[Linxz]

You mean the EPA?? (made famous via The Simpsons Movie) Also thank you for the giant rep boost.:hug:

[~Lightning~]

Essentially, yes.

It's a different organisation in England but it does the same thing

[Linxz]

Sounds good, just don't authorize putting a city/town in a giant glass dome, as it won't work out too well on your part. Another option you may wish to undertake is working with the WWF (World Wildlife Foundation.) Basically its just working to save animals and animal rights instead of the whole environment.

[~Lightning~]

Hehe.

That isn't a bad idea. Still, it's another 3 1/2 years before I'll be looking for a serious job if I do go to Uni so I have enough thinking time.

[Linxz]

Ye, i'm hoping to be graphics designer for gaming companies (hopefully Ubisoft or Insomniac) or be a writer for Official PlayStation Magazine Australia, I also have a distant dream of starting a rock band with my friends, since all of us are learning an instrument (i'm learning electric guitar and keyboard.):rock: If none of these I am also thinking about strategic tactition for the army or maybe a policeman. As you can see I, like you, don't really know what I want to do, but I also have a while to think about it (approx 5 years.)

[Linxz]

Sorry, for going on about myself, maybe i should make a blog too??

[~Lightning~]

Haha.

You may as well, I'll be sure to take a look

[Ciara Valentine]

good luck at bournemouth hun, im not too far from there in plymouth :) nice to know there are people down here :P

from what ive heard its a good uni to go to and is really helpful with everything (according to all my UCAS applications...are you doing it through them?)

christmas wasnt too bad, other than losing a dog :( other than that it was ok thanks :)

xx

[~Lightning~]

good luck at bournemouth hun, im not too far from there in plymouth :) nice to know there are people down here :P

from what ive heard its a good uni to go to and is really helpful with everything (according to all my UCAS applications...are you doing it through them?)

christmas wasnt too bad, other than losing a dog :( other than that it was ok thanks :)

xx

Yeah, I've applied to Plymouth too. I'll search around for you maybe.

Also, yeah. I went through a lot with my dog at christmas too, we has terrible arthiritis and looked like he was going to have to be put down but some tablets have helped him with it.

x

[Ciara Valentine]

awwwww thats a shame :(
our rottweiller matiff cross pup got himself into a sheep field and managed to stop a bullet....so erm...yeah


cool depends on when ur down here tho coz im moving to spain in a couple of weeks for a sort of gap year


when im back tho ill pm ya if ya get into plymouth :)

xx

[~Lightning~]

So, realised that I didn't "Love" the girl I mentioned above, I just care for her.

However.

I have fallen for another girl, we have conversations EVERY day (longest was 11 hours) and have similar tastes, likes/dislikes etc.

She fancies my best mate, I fancy her and my best mate did like her but realised as a friend, He's telling her that on Friday/saturday and thinks I " should totally go for it". She knows how I feel about her, she pushed me back due to her feelings for my friend though, nevertheless we stayed friends and she started confiding in me about her feelings and problems and the like.

I have no f*cking idea what's going on anymore but I'll see what happens when I go round hers for lunch and a day of movies next week.

Happy Valentines day

[~Lightning~]

So, update on the whole situation.

I.. went for it, I asked her out and got something cryptic in return, we talked for the next few days and she convinced herself she wouldn't be any good for me (She seems to think that she has too many problems for me to be able to deal with, that kind of thing) and constantly denied any compliments I paid her.

I, being the stubborn b*stard I am, continued on regardless and we ended up in a pretty long conversation about it. For the first time in my life, I cried over a girl, I was amazed. She was talking then came out with the line "I hope everything works out for you, sorry" and I took it totally the wrong way. It was then that I realised just how hard I had fallen for her, I was sat shaking, filled with joy, trepidation and worry.

Man, I feel like a complete emo right now, writing this.

I asked her why she thought she was wrong for me and got an answer I wasn't expecting, she told me I was wrong. She had said she would probably be difficult about it, being her and all (I should probably mention, the two of us are basically the same person with a few variations) and that she had underestimated just how I felt for her.

Basically, she said she would like a relationship between the two of us, just not right now, We've known each other for two months but it feels far longer. The thing I worry about is the fact I'll be at Uni in 6 months and she'll be in her second year of college.

Oh well, nice to get things off my chest.

[Ciara Valentine]

thats already a good start :)

thats how me and my guy got together, we had a night together (if we hadnt have got together 2 weeks later it would only have been a one night stand :() and, well after a few hours (it was a good night ;)) we both admitted "i love you"...but neither of us were entirely ready having just got out of year long relationships. But, we both wanted it to happen and after many discussions of what could work and what couldnt we ended up together at last, weve now been together almost 3 months and it feels more like a year, even to other people! If its meant to happen, then it will!

im sure, because of the fact that you both obviously want it to happen, that it will. If you believe she is worth it, then you will have to wait until SHE is ready...otherwise it wont work as well.

Im pretty sure its gna go the way you want it to tho :)

and hun, its not emo in the slightest, i understand better than you think :)

[~Lightning~]

Well, the two of us got together last Sunday before I went to Iceland.

In short, I'm a very happy guy.

[Ciara Valentine]

awwwwwwwwwww nice one dude :)

i hope it all works out for you both :)


come online at some point and we'll do chattage :)

[~Lightning~]

Heh, I'm sure you've noticed I'm not much of an MSN user. I may be on somewhen, we shall see :D

[Ciara Valentine]

yeah ive noticed im on a fair bit of the time lol and you're never on!!

lol well let me know when and well do chattage, spesh if you're gna be coming down here coz i might be getting a place in plymouth soon :P

[~Lightning~]

=/

Well, that relationship didn't last too long. She told me about three weeks in and I ended up getting off my face on Sabuca, in tears. That was my reason for the temp ban, I didn't want to lash out at people on the site. The two of us are still good friends, she thinks there may be a chance of having another go somewhen later.

On a better note, I got my eyebrow pierced ^_^ First piercing done and I like it, the aftercare is somewhat annoying to do though.

[Ciara Valentine]

awww sorry to hear that hunni i hope things work out again soon.


nice one getting the peircing though, i bet it hurt :(

[~Lightning~]

I thought I'd mention I'm also starting to review music, games and books on the following site: http://eshai.wordpress.com.

Just in case any of you are interested, y'know

[~Lightning~]

Wahey, I now have a paying job and a Bass guitar.

Happy ^_^

[Ciara Valentine]

nice one!!

howd you manage to score that lil gem then??
:P


luffs
xx

[~Lightning~]

Well, paid for the months work today and I got 260 in the bank, 90 of which is going back out anyway.

I've made a great friend in my supervisor, beautiful, smart and funny. Shame she's a lesbian really...

I've finished college (other than my exams) and now it's just holidays till september, I'll be working the majority to make some cash for Uni so I'll be on here less than usual

[~Lightning~]

Bougt Rock Band yesterday, God damn does thias game rule.

It beats GH on terms of Guitars and the singing is interesting. No idea about the drums, I bought it solus.

[~Lightning~]

Well, college is over so my time is now dedicated to fun, work and learning to drive.

Off to Camden on Friday (I work weekends) and I'll probably buy a fair bit of stuff, then Thorpe Park somewhen after next week.

After that, the majority of my wages are being saved for a shiny new macbook for Uni

[Ciara Valentine]

nice one!

sounds like life for you is good :)

'ite for some!

xx

[~Lightning~]

Well, I'm at Uni now and I' sharing a flat with 6 other people.

I've become the "Tech Expert" of the flat because nobody else knows jack all about computers.

Apparently watching me install CCL's in my PC case means I'm an amazing machinist, heh.