Rapesauce blogy, thing.

[~Ricky~]

http://img181.imageshack.us/img181/3287/blehwr9.jpg

Ugh, I don't know why I'm doing this. Maybe so I can recap how my life turns out in the next few weeks of summer? That might be it...

So let's start this off with a introduction of things.

My name is Richard(Ricky), I live in Victoria B.C. Canada. I'm 16 years old, tall and underweight. I'm a very active person which is odd caus if you saw me, I look like a guy that sits at home playing games all day :D.

Now, I think the only reason I'm actually doing this is because - if I made a blog on like anything else people I knew in real life would see it and start questioning, well me. And personally I just need a way to get random things off my chest, feet, head ect.

So I'll re-cap the last month, or two for you little people(You know who you are).

I've known this one girl, Alicia is her name. She was dating my friend AJ. Seemed they had a healthy and good relationship. But out of the blue AJ breaks up with Alicia, they get back a few weeks later and then Alicia breaks up with him because he wanted to break up except didn't have the balls to do it. During this time, I'm starting to like Alicia.

Well skip ahead to around May. Alicia, myself and her friend Willow are hanging out a lot. We go to the arcade and play DDR, just do random stuff with eachother. During this time, I get the impression that Alicia is flirting with me, and I do still like her and my feelings have grown bigger(:(). But me being, me I'm too scared to get the balls to ask out Alicia.

Now during this time of fun, my house life is sucking. I'm fighting with my mother everyday, we're having 2 hour+ fights with eachother and I've threatened to run away multiple times.

Now half way through May me and Alicia start having 4-5 hour conversations, on the phone. This really does give me the impression she likes me, but I basically bat it aside because some friends say it's nothing.

Skip ahead to near the end of June, right after school ends.

The fighting with my mom has lowered a bit, we still fight but she knows my threats will go somewhere due to me running away from home 3 times already.

Now me and Alicia have started hanging out a sh*t load without Willow, just me and her. We've started on wrestling with eachother, which she likes even though I win =) This wrestling is really, flirtagous though. Now it's finally hit summer, me and her are hanging out everyday just with eachother. Things start to get really... physical per-say. So finally I get the bloody balls to just ask her out. She tells me how she wants to date, but her parents knowing about us would make it so me and her couldn't spend time with eachother along ever again, and how shes worried that if we break up we'll stop being friends. I tell her out-right that that wouldn't happen and I'd atleast know that "what if". So Yay! We're dating =) And she goes off to camp on that Sunday(Darn). So I'm without Alicia for an entire week.

During this week I find out my friends have been having sex with eachother for 7 months already and I never knew =(. Willow beat the livin sh*t out of me for not telling her sooner that me and Ali were dating. I got really sick for 2 days... and I hit uber-depression for the 6 days without Alicia, finally realizing how much I miss her(Ahaha). Oh! And I almost beat the sh*t out of my mom because I'm not able to stand her anymore :)

Now! Today is Saturday. She came home today! Which I thought would be totally sweet because I hadn't talked to her in 6 days! Oh, I guess not cause she wants to talk!


I forgot to point out that she's christian and that she went to a christian camp Christians aren't supposed to be doing things until their married(I already knew this BTW). Well we talked for along time on the phone. During the week she was gone, I got 3 condoms from my friend. I showed her these on cam and she then got really upset. She finally told me that her camp councillers say that being Christian, she isn't allowed to date a non-christian. But hold on horn here kids! I believe in god, I pray, doesn't that make me christian? According to Alicia and the "Bible" it doesn't, I have to accept myself to Jesus and god. So she's saying that how she isn't allowed to date me because according to the bible it's a sin for a christian to date a "non-christian". She then tells me how she went through an emotional breakdown at camp because she got really upset over well, thinking of having to break up with me. We're still together though, we've agreed on me trying to go to a youth church thing on sundays, in Fall. But now I knew she was Christian this entire time we've been dating, even though we both have commited sins during this time we've dated, we can't now because she was to "stay on the path with god".

Yeah, wow. That wasn't what I was expecting for myself to post. Ahah, whatever. If there's any "christians" that are able to PM me on this whole thing, I'd really love that. Like I still say a christian CAN date a non-christian, never heard of that BS in my life :(

[~Ricky~]

Ugh, it's 12:12 PM. I've only had like... 10 hours sleep, wish I had more =(

I turned my computer on this morning, and to my horror realized that ALL my bookmarked sites were gone! :( So now I gotta start bookmarking the sites again *sigh*

Currently I'm getting ready to head off to the FolkFest.

For those who don't know about the folkfest, it's a huge thing that goes for about a week and a half with all these random activities, like local bands playing, just little things.

So I'm heading off to the Folkfest to watch Alicia do her bellydance performance. Ahaha, that should be fun to watch ;)

Now I'm gonna go brush my teeth and sit on the computer for the next 2 hours. :)

[~Ricky~]

Okay, I'm bored. So might as well update this thing, yet again.

So I'll finish off from where I last started yesterday.

I saw Alicia bellydance yesterday, which was amazing; she's a great dancer :) There was some really good bellydancers, though. And there was 55+ dancers too! That wasn't the prettiest site I've seen. Ahaha.

Well I went to bed at 2:30 in the morning today, talked to Alicia the entire time(crazy, I know). Woke up at 5:30 thinking "WTF barely any sleep" and went back to sleep, I then woke up at 7:53 with my mom telling me I should get up(I asked her to). So I got up, had a bath and just layed there for awhile. I got out about 8:10 and went outside to find some roses(Ahaha, I'm a loser).

-Wow Wrestling is on T.V, sh*t this stuff is fake.-

I finally found 4 pretty roses and cut them, came home and put them in a vase. I then went onto the computer and talked to some friends till' 10 AM, which I then called Alicia to wake her up. I talked to her till' 10:45 AM, I then left my house with the roses and caught the bus to her house. Finally got to her house at 11:30 AM, handed her the roses. Seems she was really flattered, and mad at the same time, ahaha.

So basically me and her just cuddled for 6 hours really. I took some pictures of her, but for almost the entire we cuddled, which was really nice I must say.

-Now I'm watching King of Queens. Now this is a good show.-

So onto the other part of my life. I haven't had an arguement with my mom since Thursday night, which I'm really happy about. But me and her haven't spoken to eachother all that much. I'm hoping I can avoid fighting with her till' like Saturday or Sunday. Because I need to jip money out of her so I can go to Pirates 2 on Thursday night with Alicia.

Well I'm gonna go watch the rest of King of Queens now.

I'll update this thing whenever I feel need to.

[~Ricky~]

Got in a huge fight with my mom today :D Was over cancelling my Xbox live account. Psh. She can bloody wait till' tomorrow.

In other news: I suck with Q-Tips and I have stomach pains, which really hurt.


Today was fun, hung out with Alicia all day. Played DDR, went to McDonalds. Was a good day besides my mom being a bitch :)

[~Ricky~]

Edit: Don't read this post now. It's pointless. Ahaha.

[~Ricky~]

OKay!

Today was F*CKING awesome! But I'll start off with the last while.

Hung out with Ali everday except yesterday. She went to see some movie with her friends, I currently forget the name. :(

I talked to her all of lastnight. In which she told me about this guy that sent her a message on Nexopia, he asked her if she'd do oral for money. She told him that she has a boyfriend ect. Well by this time I decided I wanted to see how far I could get things with this guy. So I get her to tell him about my alt account. I talk to him and we agree I'll meet him at the arcade the day after.

So it's Thursday morning! My mom doesn't wake me up when I want her to, so I get up 22 minutes before I have to leave for Ali's. Basically I rush having a shower and I quickly call Ali and run out the door to catch the bus. I fall asleep on the bus which was really NOT fun. I finally get to Ali's and we just fall asleep on her bed(Very nice actually :)). We finally decide to get up, we're both in need of a good shower. So we both have one(Together! OMG Rated R!). Finally around 1:30 we leave for downtown to buy her some stuff, takes us awhile to get all the stuff.

Me and her finally go to the arcade(she knows about what I said to the guy. We just wanted to see if he'd show up or not). So we're playing DDR and we finally see a guy that looks about what he said he'd look like come in. He just sits there by himself, waiting, looking at his watch. He just sits there for half an hour. By this time me and Ali just leave cause its so sad.

So we go back to her place and wait for her mom to get home so she can drop us off at the movie theater.

We go to the movie theater to watch Pirates 2. We sit there in the theater for half an hour talking about random things. The movie went much longer than I expected. Then ending was completely unexpected and is a movie you all should really see.

We go out and find her mom, she drops me off at my place. Before she does she decides to finally give me "The talk". That sucked so much =(

Well I'm tired and I have to do stuff tomorrow. So I'll go to bed in like 2 hours. G'night people.

[~Ricky~]

I cut my foot open, ouch. I got a cut across my chest, ouch :(

My cat just f*cking farted! Oh, god it smells!

Today was fun though. I had dinner with Ali's parents. Her dad is a really good cook, except I can't stand the texture of chicken breast, can't stand it one bit :( We went for a ride on the lake, too. Her mom got really scared >.> Was a really great day, except for getting owned... multiple times.

[~Ricky~]

Ah, so right now I'm sitting here, bored as usual. I've been taking random pictures cause I'm so damn bored. So I think I'll post some of them :)

http://img399.imageshack.us/img399/3603/130741tp5.jpg
^Heh, my Xbox live friends should get this one :)
http://img469.imageshack.us/img469/9864/133052mt2.jpg
^Holy crap! I look pale in that picture, even though I am... pale =(

So I have to work 7 hours in like 3 1/2 hours =( ugh, I don't want to work today. Someone take my damn shift! :) ♥

[~Ricky~]

Ugh. So the last 4 days have been good and bad, off and on.

So let's start off with... holy crap work was tiring :( Besides that >.> Works sucks.

Well I'll skip ahead to Wendesday for you kids... so I'm at Ali's and she reminds me that her friend Willow is sleeping over so I should just act normal on MSN because Willow doesn't know me and her are dating.

So basically they're on MSN and I act like I always did and I went on my blocking spree. So Ali gets UBER f*cking pissed at me and she tells my friend Sean over AIM she breaks up with me, so uh... well woah wasn't expecting that! She calls me and wants to make total sure that I got her message and hangs up on me. So I unblock Ali, I tell her why I did what I did and contemplated suicide. So I go into my bathroom and brokedown completely, I sat in the bath tube contemplating suicde because all of my life started to rush in again and I couldn't stand it. I completly f*cked up legs up and I have 1 8 inch cut right down the top center of my left thigh and I have like 4 on the right thigh, 4 4 inch cuts on my left leg. I thought that might've helped me to some extent because of how f*cking horrible I felt. I finally got out of the bathroom and went back onto teh computer to tell Willow and Ali I was gonna either walk down 2 blocks to the ocean and jump into the Ocean or walk 30 minutes to jump off a bridge. So I go on and Ali tells me she's sorry for breaking up and that she didn't know I was trying to keep our realationship from Willow. She asks if me and her can get back together, I tell her I don't want to and that I can't deal with it. I finally come to my senses a few hours later... when she's offline; so I go to bed. I finally wake up with Ali and Willow calling me telling me I look cute sleeping(I aim my webcam towards my bed while I sleep and I have auto-accept for stuff on MSN so they watched me sleep basically). So I get up and talk to them for a bit, I go over to their place. We play Halo 2 for most of the day. Ali's contact gets stuck in her eye so we take her to the eye place.. thingy to get it out, I finally head home.

Then today... I go to her place we basically just lay there and talk. We then finally leave for my house, while at this time it's REALLY f*cking hot outside(31 Celcius I think), we get to my house and drop off our sh*t, while at this time we find $30 on the ground! I give it to Ali... >.> So we go out for an hour and a half walk to the beach, we just sit down and talk for awhile and we finally head back to my house for dinner. The dinner was good, we watched some Freiser while we ate.

We then head out to the pool. We get there and head right for the babypool so we can just lay and rest. Well this weird guy sits behide me in the babypool and starts getting closer and closer and then he finally talks to me and Ali, he made the weirdest conversation with us. He asked us if we were dating, what we've done, just ALL of this really weird stuff.

Then later into the night Ali says that me and her still aren't technically back together and she starts begging me to ask her out. So I sit there laughing and holding her, I finally ask her out. She breaks up with me 10 seconds later and screams at me "I wanted to ask you out!" So she then asks me out and I sit there dumbstruck. I finally tell her I'll date her.... then for the rest of the night we basically layed together in the pool.

Now I'm really damn tired and my friend has some problems that need deal with. So lata'!

[~Ricky~]

Holy f*cking sh*t. It's never been this damn hot before...

I have heat stroke... I can't think... and I live near the frickin' ocean!

[~Ricky~]

*yawn* I'm really, really bored right now. It's almost 11:30 at night, I still have my clothes on cause I just got home 30 minutes ago... Yeah, no clothes anymore... seriously what's the frickin' use of clothes? They're just really useless items, unlike food... clothes just get you hot; food on the other hand keeps me alive.

So let's see... besides the entire day been FRICKIN' hot! It's been pretty good...

I got woke up at 10:30 in the morning from my work calling(stupid bitches). They wanted me to work from 1-5, which I kindly declined because it was TOO damn hot to work! So I called Ali bout' 11:30 to ask her to hangout.. we go to the mall and she shops for like 2 hours, she got a crap load of shirts today which was amazing; how can girls buy so much sh*t? So I go home to eat like.. 4 pieces of chicken.

Later I go outside to wait for Ali to come down to my place so we can go to this festival thing... she's 30 minutes late, I didn't care though. So we head down to the festival and walk around and talk for along time! Finally we go and sit down to watch a bellydance performance. I was very embarresed to watch the people bellydance because they, honestly weren't good in the least. Basically I have Ali beside me laughing cause they were so bad. Was INCREADIBLY funny though because this guy -I think he was drunk- went on and started bellydancing; he did better than most of the other girls!

So more about my life... Lately I've been listening to Everytime We Touch, I have 3 versions of this song and I'm STILL not tired of it. It's such a great song to listen to, I honestly can't explain why I like it so much.

I'm currently out of food, which I really hate, because I'm FRICKIN' hungry and if you know me well enough I LOVE to eat.

[~Ricky~]

Well I've been thinking to myself, and I'm getting my hair dyed black this week :) So I'll post some pictures when I get to dying it.

I just realized it's been over a month since summer started! And it's almost been a month since me and Ali started dating! 4 more day! :O_O: Dunno what I'll do for our 1 month. Damn, wish my pay check came this week, not next :(

[~Ricky~]

Holy sh*t!

Went to Ali's dad and did **** there for 4 hours basically.

Finally me and her go back to her place to get ready to go to Pirates 2, again!

We went to see the movie with my dad and his girlfriend, which was funny. Finally at the end of the movie we leave and we're waiting for Ali's mom to pick her up. When she gets there her and my dad HUG eachother and me and ALi are both completely dumbfounded, we finally find out that they know eachother... we both NEVER knew this!

So I found out I love this song called Cry for Eternity, by Dragonforce. God I haven't heard a song with such great guitar playing in ages, ah. :)

[~Ricky~]

Seriously how the f*ck does this work? I got Ali into Halo 2 to play for fun, just do something but instead she wastes away on this game it seems till the early hours in the morning.

Like today for example, she was up playing it till' 5:30.

So basically I call her this morning to see if me, her and Willow are still hanging out and it seems that they decided to make OTHER f*cking plans and just completely ditch me and do their own damn thing.

And while I'm finding all of this out Willow is screaming at me over the phone that I'm a jealous creeper... it seems I'm a creeper for finding out how long my own damn girlfriend is spending on a game and I'm jealous because she talks to this one guy all the time over live.. hm... well that's f*cking stupid now isn't it.

So basically I'm like "Whatever" to all this stupid sh*t and I tell Ali I'm coming down to get my game then so I can actually play it. THen she's like "Willow then when we go downtown we gotta go buy Halo 2", so now I'm really pissed because HEY if she buys Halo 2 then what the f*ck am I gonna get her for her birthday which is coming up on the 2nd of August? So I just tell her I don't need to pick the game up and to forget it and I hangup. THen like 30 seconds later she calls AGAIN and is like "When are you getting your game?" OMFG was she not LISTENING to me?

Yeah, I think my day has been a real piece of sh*t already! Wonder how much more useless crap can come from this day?

[~Ricky~]

Yeah, this day just seems to be getting better and better.

I decided to go down to the mall and I see, but WHO ELSE? Ali and Willow! So I hangout with them for a bit, which was insanely pointless because they BOTH didn't want me there =/

Then when I'm home Ali calls me about 9 o-clock and she asks me to go downtown at 3 to help her shop! But now everyone has to know tomorrow is really the lastday I'll see her for 2 weeks and she wants me to do a 15 minute thing with her then leave for work. Ugh, she doesn't get that she's spending more time with a f*cking videogame than her own damn boyfriend, ugh whatever.

My friend Alicia is on the phone and I think she wants to go out and walk around. Lata'

[~Ricky~]

She broke up with me =/

[~Ricky~]

Yeah. This is a good time to start listening to Everytime we Touch. Just makes me remember how bad I feel, f*cking sweet deal right there kids!

[~Ricky~]

I'm so increadibly amazed at how I'm taking this... I can't focus on one single thing for more than 10 minutes. She's the only thing I'm honestly thinking about and I lost her.

Today was so weird for me though... I promised Ali before she broke up with me that I'd take her to get something, so I picked her up today and everything seemed cool, I didn't think about the breakup. THen when we're at the mall I'm starting to remember how badly I miss holding her, just being with her. So when we were in the mall I bought a new belt, which is hawt. Ali saw a belt she badly but she couldn't buy it because she didn't have enough money. So I told her I'd buy her it-Yes, we've broken up but I still care about her anyway and I don't care-she insists that I don't buy her it, she finally goes to say she'll pay me back, so I go off to buy her it. I give her it and then I tell her instead of paying me with money all I want is a hug, a single hug; I told her for aslong as I possibly can because I wanted to tressure that moment for aslong as I could. We finally head downtown so we can get some more stuff and she gets this pretty funky pin and I ask to see it; I look at it. She starts asking for it back, I tell her I will in a minute, she then starts walking around while we're waiting in line, she finally tells me to give her it; I tell her I gave her it already and she started getting upset because she thought she lost it. We finally get to the till' and I put the pin on the counter and I grab out money and place it on the table, I pay for just a bit over half of the price because she got the rest of her money down by the time I found extra change =/

We then get to the bus stop and the bus comes, she gives me a really big hug before she catches the bus, I decide to catch it with her because I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before she goes off for two weeks. Finally when we get off the bus, I tell her she looks hot(Well she does), she tells me I can't call her hot because it's awkward now. I try and explain to her that even though we've broken up I'm not going to treat her any differentely. Finally we get near her house, she gives me on last hug which I really cherish and we leave.

So this has offically turned into the two worst days of my life, great :-\

[~Ricky~]

Finally got my hair dyed. :) I'll post pictures soon.

[~Ricky~]

My webcam is seriously bitching out. It won't load so I can't take pictures :(

So I've found myself thinking about Ali way too much and it frickin' sucks. I need something to keep my mind occupied... anyone have anything I can use?

[~Ricky~]

I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY F*CKING HEAD! Work was horrible because you, you were the only thing I was thinking about; my hand is burned because I blanked out because of thinking of you. I messed up on like 10 f*cking orders... I want to f*cking cry but I can't. I wish you were out of my life, but then I don't... you were so great, so perfect but now it seems I'm just the guy that you're going to use to get advice from, the guy you're going to talk to when you're really upset. Now it seems I'm a f*cking boyfriend on one end then on another, I'm not. Earth is offically hell, kids.

[~Ricky~]

... What the bloody f*ck.

Today has been good, and really f*cking bad.

I'll start with the good because it's short. I bought Ali two T-shirts on Saturday and I gave her them today. She gave me two really big hugs which made me feel really damn happy, happiest I've been in almost a week.

Now for the bad... hm... where to start. Seems from my prespective that Ali is completely over me and I'm just back to being her bestfriend, which isn't a bad thing, just really hurts when well, I still care about her. T'was really hard to be around her because of everthing... just seems to me that she flicked the whole thing off as if it was nothing and I'm still clinging to what I had... really damn horrible. I met her cousins that came from Ontario today... there's her 13 year old cousin, Paul and her cousin Saria who is 11... it's sad because she has really big breasts... even sader that I looked at them =/

So my day in a nutshell. I gotta head to Ali's in 2 hours to pick up my Halo 2 game. OH! While I'm on about Halo 2, seems that she really does care only about it... well more than me atleast. I don't know if it is or not but it hurts me so much and I hate it. Feelings suck.

[~Ricky~]

Why, why has god done this to me? Why has to sent me to heaven and made me the happiest man in the world for a month, then send me back to the depths of Oblivion to be condemed to being the lonliest person in the world.

This really has turned into the worst day I've had in ages. I truely do believe that she doesn't care about me one bit. I go to pick my game up from her just little more than 30 minutes ago; she opens the door and doesn't even say "Hi", just walks upstairs to get the stuff and I hear her yell to Paul to get a controller.. she puts the game and controller in a bag and hands me it. With barely more than like 5 words she's spoken to me I say "Bye" walk away without her even saying "Bye". Like, what the hell, do you REALLY only f*cking care about this game I got you into? I didn't want you to become obsessed with it, I wanted you to have fun once in awhile with it. But it seems that you care about it more than me. I really wonder how you feel when you make me cry, for gods sake I don't cry from any kind of physical pain, but something as small as this made me cry for an easy 30 minutes going home.

While I was being all ****ing depressed I came to a few conclusions which my friends put my state of mind in. They say that you were too ashamed of dating me that's why you didn't want anyone to know, because you were ASHAMED of me. And honest to god, I believe them. All this bullsh*t you put in my mind is uttercrap honestly. Your reasoning behide not wanting anyone to know was because you didn't like people knowing your PERSONAL buisness, well that's stupid because it seems you told people of these other guys you liked. And the first time Willow found out about us you had to make up a BS excuse to get out of it. Then when she found out we were STILL dating you made ANOTHER BS thing to make her think you were dating me for pity intentions. Well this just seems to have made me even f*cking worse, holy **** I feel like jumping off Johnson straight bridge right now :-\

[~Ricky~]

Ha. Well tonight made my day better.

Steph and Jaqueline came by around 9:30 so we hung out... well we talked for like an hour at the park about me breaking up with Ali and Steph breaking up with her boyfriend Stephen.

Later on we decided we'd head out and walk around. So we went to the breakwater; played truth and dare while we were there. That must've been the most messed up game of truth and dare ever! I did things that I do regret and which I'll talk to Ali about when her cousins leave. Was really odd... then they got me to dry hump a car which was so awesome because I did ALL the work! Then while walking home I got both of them to look really slutty, which they both did increadibly well. So they stood on the edge of the street corner trying to look like prostitues. Ha, good times.

[~Ricky~]

Why, why do I try? Ali honest to god thinks I like Steph and Jaqueline, she honestly does and that hurts me so much. She doesn't get that I still care abotu her, that I still want her I just can't get it through to her. She says I like them because I hugged them, but I really don't think she gets that Steph and Jaqueline were the ones that hugged me, I just accepted the hug because that's what I do. She says she is still getting jealous of girls and that she has to get over that but I really want her to stay like that... keep those feelings for me so we could try over... I'm really hurt, so much. Looks like I'm going to play Halo 2 a sh*t load again to get my mind off everything.

How can she not get it through her head that I still care about her, that I still want her? Why do I still feel this way? Why can't I just give up on her and move on? Why do I feel this f*cking way? It's just a feeling, right? But if I could've I would've dropped caring about her months ago before I knew she actually cared about me the way I cared about her. Fate seems to be throwing me through a circle of fun. I can't stand this, it's the worst thing ever. I wouldn't condem someone I truely hated to something as bad as this.

[~Ricky~]

=\ She woke me up this morning. The conversation consisted of absolutely nothing, and I still loved it. :) Well I'm about to head out and do some uber cool stuff... because that's how I am. Lata'

[~Ricky~]

Finally got all of her presents :)

I got Ali Halo 2 and two tickets to a City and Colour concert that's happening on the 18th of this month =\ So I really hope she likes all of it.

[~Ricky~]

I'm a f*cking idiot for thinking I could get back together with her. Her exact f*cking words are "Of course my feelings for you have not totally left for you yet I would rather yet stay single for awhile, its much easier on my life", yeah doesn't that sound sh*tty? Because it does to me :D So yeah, I'm a complete and total idiot for thinking I had a remote possibility.

[~Ricky~]

=\ I swear I'm male PMSing... it's like one minute I'm whining, then the other I'm not... what the bloody f*ck.

Well right now I'm sitting here at 12:16AM for Ali to call me from her dads to tell me something, which I don't know what it's about... =\ she said she'd call at 12:10AM so I'm not expecting a call for another 7 minutes roughly.

Well today was a real joy, which is funny.

Basically I went to Butchart Gardens with Ali, her mom, dad and cousins. Butchart Gardens is this really f*cking big garden for people who don't know. It's increadibly beautiful.

We actually went there to watch the fireworks which were so beautiful, they were beyond words... they were that great. Like at first there were just a few fireworks which was like "k, this all?" then it started to get really cool because they'd do more than fireworks and they'd use these things to make patterns out of the fireworks which was so frickin' cool! I think there was 4-5 parts which I thought was the ending then I was like "Holy sh*t there's more?!". It was just so frickin' cool! I haven't seen fireworks this great in forever, ah man it was nice. Almost made me forget that I wasn't with Ali :-\ well gotta stop complaining...

Now I'm going to head off to bed in about an hour and a half so I can sleep. Gotta get ready for Ali's party tomorrow. G'night people.

[~Ricky~]

The phone call wasn't really what I was expecting =\

It was Ali's cousin, Saria that called instead of her. Basically she gave me "advice" that'll make my "relationship" better with Ali. Basically no physical touching anymore because Ali finds it awkward now, which I already knew, just I have to learn to stop it really. I really don't see why Ali didn't just bloody tell me because was the one that told me I was getting a phone call lastnight, so she knew that Saria was going to tell me all of that. I swear she could've had the balls to tell me all of this, it's not going to matter to me. This is why you need comunication in relationships.

[~Ricky~]

O-M-G.

I loved Ali's party, it was great fun. But it completely sucked in one aspect...

Ali was uberly flirting with AJ!(her ex) Does she not know how badly that makes me feel? How upset I was, how upset I am? I was literally about to ****ing break down right there and then while all this flirting bull**** went on, worst thing ever. Then there's the fact that AJ puts on this whole bullsh*t show for her parents making him out to be so great when he's never acting how he really is. Like for instance he was talking to Ali's mom and he was like "Oh, when I get home I gotta do the dishes before my mom gets home" like who the f*ck would say that for NO reason? THen there's that I don't even feel accepted my Ali's parents and that they hate me oh so much when they it seems completely accept him. Honestly it hurts so much to even think that she likes him scum bag again. All is he is a piece of lying filth that lies to people to pitty him. I can't bloody stand it. But honestly if Ali wants to get back with him, and if she's happy I won't stop her I'll be happy for her.

I just don't, I really don't want to lose her... F*ck, feelings are the worst.

Edit: Holy sh*t I forgot to add Ali is so gullible! We were playing this game were we won money, and it was a mind game so I was good at it cause I'm uber smrt :) Well when she was doing her questions I always just put my money on hers and she was always like "How the hell did I get $6 extra dollars?". Ah, so funny.

[~Ricky~]

And... I hit rock f*cking bottom and I don't know what to do now. This has to be the worst convo I've ever had with someone on MSN...

[10:12:30 PM] (F)Saria(F): ali really like her gift
[10:12:50 PM] *Ricky.. : That's good, I'm really happy she does.
[10:13:11 PM] (F)Saria(F): i know lover boy
[10:13:27 PM] *Ricky.. : Psh, so what if I want to still be with
her =\
[10:14:00 PM] (F)Saria(F): she doesn't want to be with u
[10:14:13 PM] *Ricky.. : Well that doesn' thurt
[10:14:17 PM] *Ricky.. : Wait... wait... it does =\
[10:14:28 PM] (F)Saria(F): u know that
[10:14:43 PM] *Ricky.. : Sweet, I went BACK to being uber depressed
=(
[10:15:08 PM] (F)Saria(F): u and aj are not going to ever get ali back
that is the turth
[10:15:17 PM] *Ricky.. : =\

Seriously, does no one take my feelings into account before they run their damn mouth anymore? I have Ali my damn ex who I don't want to be my ex telling me she still "cares" about me and all this sh*t FFS I can't take this crap anymore. I'd love to understand how I can stay being her bestfriend when I still care about her the way I do. Like I'm not f*cking stable with this ****. There's only SO much I can take without getting seriously depressed and I swear I'm about to hit that damn point and I don't know what I'll do.

[~Ricky~]

Holy sh*t I can go even f*cking lower and that's where I am.

So basically, I'm never going to get back with her, but here's the real big catch, she still cares about me and wants to be my bestfriend. Yeah... I can't stand that, not one f*cking bit. I regret living, I really, truely wish I was dead, I swear this is pathetic to be thinking this way but holy crap I can't stand it.

She is frickin' telling me to get over her, how the hell can I do that? Doesn't she understand I WOULD but I CAN'T because she is the only f*cking girl I have ever f*cking cared about!

Holy bloody crap, I'm crying so bad. So, so badly I don't know what to do.

[~Ricky~]

Hm... well I worked lastnight. 4 hours, got pay and a half because of it being a Holiday :)

Some friends came in lastnight drunk... was really bad because they threw up everywhere and I had to clean it up.

I talked to Ali on the phone while I was on my break which was the best phone call I've had with her in ages. I really do miss things like that with her. Made me happy beyond all belief to talk to her without any fighting.

Got home and I played live for like 4 hours with Ali. Wasn't too fun because some annoyign guys she knows kept joining and it was really annoying/boring to listen to these guys scream their asses off.

Finally went to sleep at 4:30 being so f*cking bored. But atleast I had the greatest 7 minute phone call with Ali ever :)

Edit: I forgot to say what happened in my dream lastnight. It was one of my old dreams that I used to have about Ali... just this one was different... it was in the near future and me and her still weren't back together but we were just walking around the water and I kiss her and she doesn't stop it; really wish it was real :(.

[~Ricky~]

:( Why is it that no matter where I go, what I do I will think of you? Seeing polka dots makes me think of you, a blonde girl, her own damn cousin reminds me of her even Halo 2 makes me think of you! This is horrible, really horrible.

Well atleast I know deep down that I have someone as great as you as my friend.

[~Ricky~]

I really can't contemplate all this bullsh*t. She says she still cares about me but we can't get back together. I understand the reasons but I don't understand why she can't understand I want to be there for her, to help her through everything. It's like, I care about her so damn much and I know she has things that are troubling her but if she truely doesn't want to get back together I'll respect her wishes and hope she's atleast happy with them. :-\

[~Ricky~]

... I just went out for a walk with Jess... really wish I didn't do that.

So now I don't know how to feel. I want to hate Ali for what she told Jess to tell me, but I can't, I truely can't hate her no matter how hard I try.

Jess told me basically Ali has no mutal feelings for me anymore. But she wants to stay bestfriends, she wants me to be the one there when she hurt or upset. I truely can't accept being her bestfriend as of right now. Fully knowing that she lost feelings for me so easily is quite honestly the hardest thing to hear; sad to to think that's remotely possible. It truely hurts to know she can't contemplate in the least of how bad I feel, how much f*cking sleep I've lost in the past 2 weeks, how much I've thought about her.

But like I've said, if she's happy then let it be. Because that's all I really want for her.

[~Ricky~]

How the f*ck can my life get so bad, so ****ign fast?

THis GAME was what destroyed my relationship with Ali and I f*cking knew it! I jsut found out from Ali's OWN f*cking cousin she likes some guy over live, LIVE, Xbox F*CKING LIVE. I can't stand this, I'm going insane, I hate everything as of now, I hate myself, I hate her, I want my life to end... I truely just might do that...

[~Ricky~]

Wow, shows how much she really did f*cking care about me. That bitch played me like a f*cking fiddle and it really did work. She never cared about me, if someone actually CARED about someone they wouldn't start liking some random f*cking guy over the internet, especially in less than two weeks after the break up. That is the coldest ****ing thing I've ever ever heard of and it happens to ME of all people. F*cking sweet deal, now I'm gonna go find something stupid to do. Bye.

Edit: I just figured something out. No matter what I do in life, no matter who I love it will come back and bite me in the ass because it seems my fate isn't meant to be a happy one for more than a month. THe only time I've ever been truely happy in my life is gone and no one in this f*cking world can contemplate that without saying some bullsh*t thing.

[~Ricky~]

I really never thought I could've gotten any worse. But this is the worst I've ever felt in my entire life... I can't think straight my mind is racing I've cried way too much tonight.

I've done really stupid things now and I don't know what the f*ck is up with everything. I'm shaking uncontrolably. I'm cold as hell and I know it's not my actual body temperature because I've already had a bath to check. I can't sleep, I'm not tired I'm mentally going insane and I can't stop it.

It's sad because I've thought of a lot of things in the coarse of the last hour. I realized that Ali is the biggest f*cking liar I've ever met. She literally has lied to me so much in the past few weeks it's scary, and it's sad because I'm finding out about these lies right now because of my thinking.

When she broke up with me OVER MSN BTW KIDDIES. She said she wanted to try one more time but I knew she just wanted to wait till' the day after to break up with me in person. So there's a lie right there. Then saying on the f*cking phone we could try things again the damn future if her feelings for me stayed(Note kids: She likes some f*cking f*g on XBL that she's never met) then finding out today that she has LOST her feeligns for me prior to most of this bullsh*t happening. There's another lie. Jeez, girl, if you're going to lie. Learn to f*cking do it without looking stupid in the long run!

Oh, f*cking snap. While playing Halo 2 with YOU I realized something. You lied to me again! I really do bet you lied to me about the reason you played Halo 2 so late, it wasn't because you wanted to get away from all the bullsh*t yuo had to deal with. It was because you wanted to play with f*cking Snakke, right?! Why do you think I know this? Because no matter how much I joined your game you'd ALWAYS have that loser on your team and you'd never join mine when I asked once =\ Heh, f*cked, eh? Well I do love how you've started liking some loser over the internet for the 2nd time in a year you stupid idiot. Not like I care though, why should I care for someone who doesn't take my feelings into account before they do stupid ****?

Oh, and I just received some messages from you on live. Heh, it seems that you care about how I feel? HA! That's a laugh right f*cking there.

Like holy sh*t you truely must be one of the most pathetic person in the world. I swear you and AJ would be f*cking perfect for eachother because neither of you two can actually stay comitted and have feelings for someone for more than a few measly months. Like let's really f*cking count how many guys you've liked this yaer alone. Some random guy from Nexopia in the beggining of the year, AJ, Jess, Nathan, myself, the loser f*g Snakke. Then there's the others I don't know about or I don't recall :) But now let's see how many of those guys you didn't know... 3 out of the 5. Holy sh*t girl it's like you like guys you've never met. That's messed up!

[~Ricky~]

Hm... one of my friends really made me think just now.

Ali wants to stay my bestfriend so she CAN get the boyfriend benifits like me being just like a boyfriend... except without me actually being a boyfriend. She just wants someone to be there and that is IMHO very selfish. Well I think I'll talk to her about this alone on Friday if Ali will let me actually speak my damn mind. And I'm really f*cking messed up right now, so G'night people.

[~Ricky~]

I can't understand Ali. She's really confusing me... she says she still has feelings but we can't get back together... ugh. I know she's not allowed to date but... I want to still be with her I miss holding her, being with her so much. If I had to keep it from every single person on this earth I would, as long as I knew I could still be with her. :(

[~Ricky~]

=\ So uhm... I had Alicia over tonight and we were on the computer and I was talking to Ali's cousin on MSN... she saw Alicia and asked who she was so I told her that she was my girlfriend(I wanted to see if Ali would get jealous) and then they all started spazzing out and her dad wanted to see her too... I finally told them she wasn't my girlfriend and they kept saying sh*t, UGH! I really doubt Ali understands how much I love her(Yes, I used the word love and I mean it :()

Well basically me and Alicia walked around for awhile and we both talked about our problems. I finally just figured out that I need to talk to Ali really badly.

Basically what I'm going to tell Ali is that I love her so much and that I want her to know that I will never lose feelings for her, that I never want to lose her or her friendship but that I can't deal with her being my bestfriend because I can't deal with hearing about any of her problems and having her tell me everything because I'll worry about her too much and put any other girls aside to make sure she's happy because that's all I really want her to be is; happy. I need her to know that if she still has any mutal feelings for me left then I want her to go on those feelings so me and her can try with eachother one lasttime, even though it'd be a complete secret from everyone, I need to prove to myself and her that I can be a trust worthy person, but most of all that I don't want to lose having someone like her.

Current song I'm hating right now: You're Beautiful by James Blunt.

[~Ricky~]

Ali found my blog and she doesn't like how I've posted things about me and her... so looks like I'll stop doing daily entries about me and her.

So this blog will get very dull :( Damn.

Edit: Well I'll just say this really fast. I feel much more at ease now that Ali has finally told me everything outright, hurts a lot but I'll deal with it. Well now I gotta wait for her to call me back.

Song I'm liking as of right now: High Road by Fort Minor.

[~Ricky~]

My myspace! (http://www.myspace.com/deathblade_pwns_nubs)

I've been putting if off. But I like random adds :) Just tell me you're from GW before you add me first :) <3

Listening to: Cry for Eternity by Dragonforce.

[~Ricky~]

This is really scary. In the last 2 days I've had 4 random friend requests from girls on myspace and they're calling me hot... I don't know what to do :(

Like.. yeah... uhm... freaky, eh?

[~Ricky~]

=\

Well I haven't updated in a few days because I just haven't seen a use to.

In the past few days I've broken down horribly and I doubt anyone actually knows that. I hurt Ali a lot which I feel really bad for doing and I wish I could take it all back.

So basically lastnight I wanted to make sure my worst suspesions were true so I asked Ali if me and her ever had another chance with eachother and she said we didn't, because of how I've treated her over live in the past few days; this really, really hurt me but I understand where she's coming from. Then I asked her if she was atleast truely happy, which she was so that lightened me a tiny bit.

While this was all happening I cut my finger open really f*cking badly and it hurts :(

I found 2 songs which really badly hurt me now and I hate it and love it at the same time they're: Seize the Day by Avenged Sevenfold and Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park. They both have two completely different meanings in my life but they really help...

[~Ricky~]

Well my life got really messed up, fast. And it doesn't involve Ali! *gasp*

So basically I'm playing Halo 2 till' like 12 and I get off and go on MSN. And I get 2 IM's from girls I don't know that just randomly added me on myspace and MSN so I'm talking to both of them. Well then one of them asks me if she lived near me if I'd think of dating her, so I tell her what I think and she gets all upset. So basically I find out this girl "loves" me, she cut herself because I didn't like her. Oh, and I found out she lives like a 20 minute walk away from me. THis girl is soooo weird. She convinced me to pull an all nighter and it's 7:53 and she fell asleep like an hour ago and I'm watching this girl sleep on cam :-\ Why do girls have to like me now? :(

It's so much more indepth than that. But I'm on like... 3 hour sleep right now and I can't think all that well. So maybe I'll post a huge thing like on Tuesday when I have a 15 hour sleep.

[~Ricky~]

=\ I read the thing about Vincent. I'm really hurt by this news, never thought it would happen to him. R.I.P

[~Ricky~]

Okay, so I haven't updated this since like 3 days ago. It's currently 12:48AM and I'm eating cereal... wait, I just finished it off and I want more, brb.

So I'm back with more ceral, Capn' crunch is really damn good.

I really don't know where to start off exactly with my life, it's been very nice, I realized I had the worst outlook on life and that I should just take things as they come and love everything; so that's what I'm doing. I still think I'd be thinking the way I did if it wasn't for my friend Sean who has been down for the past few weeks, so I understand how he feel.

From where I last started off I was telling you guys about my myspace... well it's completely messed up. As of 10 days ago random girls have started adding me on myspace and it's quite scary/funny. I'll give you a brief description of some of the girls that I've really talked to or remember.

Jessica: This girl truely scares the living crap out of me. It basically started off with her messaging me on myspace saying "You're hot. I just wanted you to know that!" basically, that was the message. I told her to add me on MSN because I just love to talk to people, plus she's damn hot. I barely talk to her on MSN, just random chit chats about things. Then like Sunday night I find out this girl "loves" me and now she's all obsessive over me and it's really scary truthfully. I find out she actually has an aunt here and comes down to Victoria a lot... so that's kinda weird. :(

Tasha: This girl is absolutely cool! She is really frickin' hot and she has DAMN huge boobs which is a bonus :) She's another one of the girls that wants to date me but can't ahah. We basically just make a lot of sexual comments to eachother on MSN which is very funny to do at like... 1AM. The girl lives in Regina so I know she wouldn't be able to date me.

Zina: Ugh, this girl. She's 13 years old, she lives like a few hours UP the island(I live on a big island BTW guys, look up Vancouver island when you're bored). So I know she lives near me... it seems by how she talks to me that she likes me and it's kinda scary but hell, she could just be overly polite :) Uhm. we won't say anything about her looks now =)

Haley: This girl if frickin' hot! That's all I really can say about her, she's REALLY f*cking hot! She calls me hot wayyyy too much too... =\ that's about it with her.

So yeah, that's basically the main girls that really talk to me on MSN lately and it's fun and annoying at times. It's funny because I wouldn't date any of these girls even if they were laying in my bed fully naked. Yes, you're thinking "How the f*ck can you think of doing that man?" and yes, even I can't comprehend the full understanding of all of this. If someone two years ago said I'd be doing something like this I'd call them stupid and to never speak to me again. But I've realized that I just don't want to date anyone, not because I'm not wanting a relationship because that's the one thing I really want right now; it's that the only girl I want to date is Ali and I just couldn't bring myself to date another girl because I'd just reminded of her everytime, because it happens whenever I'm talking to these girls :-\

So now that I'm off the topic of these girls I'll go onto what happened today. I hungout with Ali and Willow which was uber fun! I got some awesome hot chick pants which I look so uber hawt in [/cocky], we went to the converse store and I tried on some converse, they felt REALLY good I just didn't like the colour =( I really like the black and white ones but they won't let me buy them. Finally we decided I should get my hair cut, so we wander around for awhile looking for a hair saloon, and it being downtown it's going to cost a sh*t load to get a haircut. We finally find a place that allows walkins. We get set up and basically wait like 5 minutes for the person that's going to cut my hair to come and meet us. Me and Willow tell her how I want my hair cut and we proceed to start on my hair. After about an hour it's finally done, I'm actually very happy with my hair and Ali and Willow both said they liked it so I'm very happy that they did. Finally me and Willow come back to my place and we talk pictures for a bit then I take her home. So that's basically my day in a nutshell =)

Now it's 1:12. I'm tired as f*ck but I can't sleep because my mind is thinking way too much.

Oh, and Seize the Day is such a great song. It reminds me of Ali beyond all belief but it's such an amazing song, the lyrics are so frickin' powerful and they remind me of so much. But yeah, great song, download it :)

[~Ricky~]

Well I just got home from the City and Colour concert with Ali <3

So I feel increadibly upset and very happy. I'm happy because I was with Ali for so long and I missed just it being me and her together. I can't describe HOW happy I am when I'm with her. It's like all my real world troubles leave me. I'm upset because well, I couldn't hold her or kiss her. Cause I saw a lot of that today and it reminded me of what I didn't have, darn :(

Well I must be off to be in about 30 minutes cause I have work at 8AM and I gotta get up at 6:30AM :(

[~Ricky~]

:( I'm not all too great now emotionally but what the hell can I do about it? Absolutely nothing. I'm not going to do a complaining thing about it. I'm just saying I read a quote from someone and it hit me really hard and I just layed in the bath feeling absolutely nothing, SWEET!

[~Ricky~]

Uhm, well for the past few days I haven't been talking to Ali. More or less just avoiding her. Well she found out about this and she took me off her MSN contact list so I can't talk to her. SHe said I was just useless baggage so she took me off. I guess she doesn't remember I felt like I wanted some space from her... =\

Well I guess it's for the best, right?

[~Ricky~]

If I could say I was over her I'd be a lying f*ck. :D But whatever. I'm not over her but guess what? I'm not gonna dwell on it!

So my life has been intresting. I've gotten so many random friend requests on myspace from girls be like "OMG UR HAWT!" it's so funny it's losts the funny... like seriously I've got these girls piled infront of me saying they love me, they want to date me and ALL of this ****. But guess what kids? The only person that won't do that is Ali! The one person I WANT to say that to me! :( Like c'mon, it's miserable. Guess I'll just sit here being... semi-happy.

Oh! I found my most favoritests song in da world! It's Noma Numa Yei, remember that song that fat guy was dancing to lastyear? Yeah, it's that one! I love it, I love it so much! I think I'm gonna listen to it and dance to it... while on cam, hopefully I'll scare someone. <3 Lata' bitches.

[~Ricky~]

So I'm sitting here at 3:33AM wondering... why do I still have feelings for this girl? Well it's not like she has feelings for me now which is perfectely clear and it seems to me she wants a sh*tload of space from me too; which really hurts.

Like I honestly truly miss this girl and it pains me to not even talk to her. I miss telling her she's beautiful, I miss even having 5 minutes conversations with her, why you ask? Because those actually mattered to me! I'd throw away every single one of these girls in a heartbeat just to have my old friendship back with Ali, yeah, I know that sounds stupid... but it's all I really want back. I know I've f*cked up my chances with her, so I guess that there's no chance of me and her being back with eachother. But I just wish that I could atleast have the friendship that I had with her prior, the one where I could hangout with her whenever. But looking back at it now it seems she only spent so much time with me was because she liked me :-\ So I guess that means even the hanging out a lot part is down the drain. Ugh, I just wish I could have one more chance with her, to show her I couldn't f*ck up, that I wouldn't.

In other news though, I got a new bandana and it's pretty seXy.

Well besides all my pain over Ali, life is bleh. I'll update fully after I have some sleep. So lata' bitches <3

[~Ricky~]

*Removed because it has to be*

Basically this is a convo I just posted to show someone. It basically is the reason life sucks now:(

[~Ricky~]

What the bloody f*ck. I feel like I could take on the whole world and win without breaking a sweat..

It's like WOAH! This is an awesome feeling and I haven't felt this in forever. Nice.

In other news: I talked to Ali on the phone for like 5 minutes, she was crying the entire time. Worst feeling I've ever had, to hear her cry that much, I want to kill the person who made her cry... but then I wouldn't be able to finish typing cause it was me that indirectly made her cry and I feel like sh*t for doing it.

Oh, and I found out that Ali means more than anything to me and I was right that no matter how hard I try I can't get her to just be my bestfriend again <3 Whatever, I love her so doesn't matter. Long as she's happy I'm happy :) Yay, I'm a point in my life where things are find! :D

Like a 5 minute phone call of me trying to cheer her up felt better and made me happier than anything. Like I'd rather have 5 minute phone calls with Ali everyday than have a 4 hour long conversation with any girl. Like she's the only girl that I truly want, not for lustful activies but because I care about her. It's the freakiest feeling in the world and I wish I could explain it better...

Ugh, well I'm gonna listen to some music.

Current song playing: Evening Star-Dragonforce.

[~Ricky~]

I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"
It's telling me all these things
That you would probably hide
Am I, your one and only desire
Am I the reason you breathe
Or am I the reason you cry?

Always, always, always, always, always, always,
I just can't live without you...

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
Its like a solid cell,
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you.

(Done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you, done with you)

I feel, like you don't want me around
I guess I'll pack all my things
I guess I'll see you around
It's all, been bottled up until now
As I walk out your door
All I can hear is the sound

Always, always, always, always, always, always,
I just can't live without you...

I love you
I hate you
I can't get around you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
Its like a solid cell,
I guess that I'm out the door
And now I'm done with you.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.

I left my head around your heart,
Why would you tear my world apart?

Always, always, always, always.

I see, the blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel, more like a man
Was it all, just a part of your plan
The pistol's shakin' in my hands
And all I hear is the sound.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live around you.
I breathe you
I taste you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
Its like a solid cell,
I guess that i'm out the door
And now i'm done with you.

I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.
I love you
I hate you
I can't live without you.
I just can't take anymore
Its like a solid cell,
I pick myself off the floor,
And now i'm done with you.

Always
Always
Always.


This song is so strong. If someone can find the main verse in this song that makes this song one of my favorites and you get a cookie... or porn. Whichever you want.

[~Ricky~]

Got my hair dyed redish orange in the back.

Uhm, I just looked at Ali's myspace and her new pictures made me so happy because she's so beautiful. Then I hit depression, SWEET!

[~Ricky~]

I feel it welling up inside
And Robert Smith lied,
Boys do cry and with
Blood tears in my eyes I’m an Anne Rice novel come to life.
I can’t hide the monster… anymore.
One can, only feel desolate for so long until
One starts to change into
Something the mirror doesn’t recognize.
Metamorphosize.
The darkness has been biding it’s time
To claim its latest victim,
Fresh meat for carnal desires,
To become, what I became.
I viewed the sun for the last time.

Will you still hold me when you'll see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victim’s blood?
So crimson and red,
I feel it flowing from your lips. (Crimson and red)
My heart is dead and so are you.

And it pulses through,
The desire to change, to deconstruct
All of my,
All of my, my past failings.
But where to begin because when you live in sin
It’s hard to look at saints,
Without them reflecting your jet black aura back on you.
And all I have is hope,
My inner burn’s not fading,
I’ll wipe the blood from my cheek and get on with my day.

Will you still hold me when you'll see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victim’s blood?
So crimson and red,
I feel it flowing from your lips. (Crimson and red)
My heart is dead and so are you.

And all I have is hope
And all I need is time
To bury in pine under six feet of time
The lies I told me about myself.
Claw my way out,
Pick the splinters from under my fingernails.
I won’t lose hope,
I won’t give in.
Just live and breathe, try not to die again.
Just live and breathe, try not to die again.
Just live and breathe, try not to die again.
Try not to die again.

Will you still hold me when you'll see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victim’s blood?
So crimson and red,
I feel it flowing from your lips. (Crimson and red)
My heart is dead and so are you.

Will you still hold me when you'll see what I have done?
Will you still kiss me the same,
When you taste my victim’s blood?
So crimson and red,
I feel it flowing from your lips.(When you taste my victim's blood)
My heart is dead and so are you.


This song is making me cry, ****ing awesome!

Go download it cause it shouldn't! It's called "The Crimson" By Atreyu. Holy crap, my life is awesome. Wait, nevermind that'd be bullsh*t talking.

[~Ricky~]

*sigh* So basically all of today during the day I was really good.

I went to Spencers house and we played some Halo CE on XBC, damn I suck at Halo CE compared to Halo 2.

I missed my bus home and had to wait 15 minutes for the next one. To my suprise it was Ali's DAD driving the bus so basically I talk with him the entire way to my stop. It was a really good conversation I had.

Then I got home n' did some ****.

Then live, this is where no matter how good I am my life will go to sh*t. Saw Ali in a party with a lot of guys I knew and well, most of them like her if I'm correct. From MY point of view it looks like they have a better chance with her than I do, sweet.

Damn, I want her back in my life. Even if it's just as a friend... I'd rather have her in my life than my own family she means that much to me.

[~Ricky~]

Guess it's time for one of those huge brief over views of my life. Like I can't sleep in the least and I need something to occupy my time.

I still love Ali, can't get her off my mind no matter how hard I try. I've finally accepted the facts that Ali doesn't want to be friends right at this point in the time, that she doesn't want to even consider dating in like a year or two. I've just love to understand why I have this damn desire to be with her though, not like I need someone in my life right at this point in time. I should be using my teenage years to date random girls and figure out how to work things, I just don't know if that either I can't find a girl that seems to be even a quarter as great as Ali was or that I'm worried I WILL find a girl that's better than her.

Sitting here though thinking about her I can't even think of one negative thing about her, nothing she's done, does or thinks is in my eyes negative. Her breaking up with me was a positive, maybe not for me... but for her; that's what matters most.

It's really hurtful because the past few days people on Xbox live have been talking **** about her and I honestly can't do **** about it, what am I going to do? Bitch at them? Heh, that's gonna do soemthing over the internet. But hearing people say **** about her makes me want to kill someone, it makes me so angry and making me angry is very difficult. Basically they're now saying **** about how she is always playing with one of my friends Conker(Chris), honestly he isn't the most attractive person in the world but he has an awesome personality. But they're saying sh*t like she likes ugly guys because she likes him, which I don't know is true or not. But if she does, I'm very happy for her.

Then there's my dad missing Ali, it's funny because he's always talking so damn highly of her, and honestly I know why he is. She's perfect, nothing but it. He was really upset when he found out me and her broke up, he wants me and her to get back together and I know that. I really wish I could get back with her, it'd make myself, my dad AND my mom happy. Everyone in my family loves her. Seems it's the opposite for Ali's family and they dislike me :-\, guess that's how things work, sadly.

Hm... now that I'm done talking about Ali... time to talk about.. my friend Sean.

Sean is on Gamewinners.com, he goes by the user ~Sean~. The kid is my bestest friend in the damn world and I love him more than my own family, he's the second most important person in my life, behide Ali.

So Sean and me are basically the same in emotions, we think the sameway, we're both in kinda the same predicament and we just know how the other feels and how to help them. But at this point in time Sean is on top of the world which makes me frickin' happy. To know that atleast he's doing good.

So me and Sean met on Gamewinners.com about this time lastyear in the Halo Forum Series forum. We both were playing Halo 2 to get away from our real life problems, we did so so much that we did very bad academically. We played the game for hours on end, playing, playing and getting better and better faster than ever. We learned about MLG(Major League Gaming), basically MLG is a gaming thing that hosts HUGE tournaments for games and is trying to get gaming to become and offical sport. MLG hosts Halo 2 and SSMB as it's games and they make MILLIONS of dollars off of MLG a year. So basically me and Sean played a crap load of MLG, we started getting into games with the pros of Halo 2 and we thoguht we were total sh*t at that time. Then about around the time I was dating Ali, Sean started to lsoe intrest in Halo 2 because of Bree and realizing it was a waste of his life. I told him it wasn't, but now that Ali and I aren't together I find the game to be less fun; Sean finally got back into the game today so yeah, I'm happy about that:D.

Guess I'll talk about Willow...

Damn it's so hard to say something about this girl. Me and Willow have a very dysfunctional friendship. We can be fighting one day, then be all chummy the next, and me and this girl get into fights A LOT it's funny actually. But she's an awesome person none-the-less and I wouldn't want to loser her from my life. She's like more of a sister to me than anything, that's why we fight so much I guess =\ Still very fun though.

Hm... I guess now the only thing I'm missing now is... everything about me as a person.

My life while with Ali was perfect, I couldn't ask for a better life. That's all I wanted, you could give me all the money in the world and that wouldn't have mattered becaue I was with Ali. Nothing could've made me happy, because she had my happiness meter at 100% the entire time.

But after losing her that happiness meter dropped, very rapidly. It was where I was at one of the biggest lows of my life. But now I'm feeling better, I've finally figured out how to release all my pain and stress without releasing it out on myself; and that's with weight lifting and working out. I've gotten a lot stronger in this last month and I'm very happy about that, so heck there's a positive from this breakup. But yeah, it's really nice to do well, almost anything.

Ah, now we've got the part about the girls on myspace/MSN adding me. It's not like these girls aren't nice people, it's just that how the f*ck can they get feelings for ME over the internet? The internet isn't real, it's fake as a fake chicken. I'm NOT me on the internet and I've already told every single person I know this. I just wish these girls knew I'm NOT the kind of person to get feelings for another person that I've never met in real life. Like some of them think I "like" them because I put "<3" "*hug*" or something else randomly, like it's not meaning I like them. I just put it with EVERYONE, no matter who I talk to. I put "<3" when I'm talkign to people I hate with a passion and I'm just typing something. It's just habit, girls, please understand that. Then there's that I talk about Ali as MUCH as possible and I'm trying to clue them into that I still WANT this damn girl back with me, but OOOOH no somehow my "niceness" makes them like me. I'M NOT F*CKING NICE!



Edit: Okay. So I think I understand why I don't want Ali out of my life, this is just my random opinion which most likely'll change in like a day or so. But anyway... onto what I was saying...

My idea is that I just don't think another girl can fill her place in my life, that no girl will satisfy me in the bestfriend way and the girlfriend way like did. Someone that could be there for me in the best of time and the worst of them. She was there for me when no one else was, when I thought that I couldn't count on anyone to really help me. She stuck beside me when anyone else would've ran away too scared of what might happen.

Now I don't know what I miss more from her, her being my girlfriend or her being my bestfriend. I really do think I could sleep at night knowing we were bestfriends again, honestly. That's really all I want back, that's all I really want to fight for. Even if I have to fight till' my last breathe I'll get her back in my life, even if it isn't as my girlfriend.

[~Ricky~]

I do, truly think it's time for a major update, or a semi-big one.

Well basically we'll start off from.. this morning. Got another friend request on myspace, so whatever. I've just given up on these myspace girls, they're stuipd, immature and f*cking slutty and it's not something I want to really deal with.

AJ came over at like a few minutes before 9 O-Clock and I showed him the funniest clip from Halo 2 which I recorded lastnight, ah, good sh*t.

We then proceeded to catch the bus to go to our first day at school ^-^. Got to school and we basically just looked for people we knew and talked to them for awhile. Saw lots of people and I got really hyper and ran around the school like a nutcase, scared some grade 9's girls, that was damn fun :D

Then we head off to homeroom to get our like things.. found out my homeroom was changed, stupid! Because I've been in that homeroom for 2 years and they switch me cause they're bitches =(. I had to find my new homeroom so I had to go downstairs, I saw Ali looking for hers and basically when I saw her I was automaticaly happy, just seeing her made me eve better than I already was, helped her find her homeroom and she left me :(. Finally found out what homeroom I was in so I headed off into that, got lost for about 10 minutes :D. In my new homeroom I knew a few people, Carter; he's a druggie, self explanitory right there. Michael I've known this kid since I was 3 years old, I work with him at McDonalds he's a really awesome guy. And Caleb, this kids a geek, basically it about him, he's cool though :).

Got out of homeroom and then went to my old homeroom and grabbed Tyler. Saw Ali in the hall, basically avoided her and just walked away, suprised I did that seeing as lastyear I would've stuck around like a lapdog =\. Went downtown with Tyler, he left me and I saw Ali, decided to talk to her for a bit found out she was going to AJ's, oh joy ahah. We all caught the bus down and I left them on their way.

Decided to talk to a few friends on MSN for awhile. Then I get uberly bitched at by Ali, too lazy to go into the reasons. Seriously, she's way too stubborn and she has to get over herself.

Talked to people till' 7, headed off to work. Basically this day was so calm at work I did absolutely NO work really. The most thrilling thing that happened would be that some lady bitched the f*ck out of Kyle because the guy in the back made her sandwich cold and the guy that got his was warm. But she doesn't realize that guy waited 17 minutes for his burger and that her patties were just sitting there already because there was left over ones. I love idiots that know nothing about McDonalds and flip out.

Got home at 12:00AM basically and typing this out to you. Well I'm off to bed cause I have to wake up at 7AM =( lata' <3

[~Ricky~]

Ugh, first actual day of school and I've got homework. Science and Math.. fun. I've finished my math and I'm sitting here at 10:02 not even bothering to finsih my science up, which is insanely easy. I really must stop procrastinating...

I got in a fun fight with Ali today and I honestly can't comphrend the reasons she's treating me like sh*t... :(

Ugh, gonna do my work in 20 minutes I guess. Lata'

edit: Got my science done, but now I'm just.. sitting here feeling useless, completely emotionless... it's horrible. I'm just going to sleep now, hopefully I don't update till' Friday at the earliest :(

Night guys.

[~Ricky~]

Yay! Second day of school and I've got math homework, science homework and planning homework... okay... I think I'll just do my math homework tonight seeing as I can do my planning and science in resource center.

Ali finally apologized to me which honestly made me forget about everything sh*tty. So hopefully me and her can be friends again soon, I'll still give her distance but I'm just going to try and keep some contact with her.

Finally told her I still want to date her but I'd rather be her friend than anything else, so right now, I'm f*cking happy!!! :D

LATA!!! :D <33333

edit: Hm.. this is a huge time period for an edit, but meh. I'm bored, very, very bored. I want to go to school so I can talk to Ali, I honestly haven't spoken to her in a good time in a few weeks so there's a few things I've been dying to tell her about Willow... And Alex.. ahah there's so much to tell her, ah it'll be just like lastyear :)

Oh, I'm listening to those songs that used to make me breakdown, but now I just sit here listening to the song and liking it, that's all... strange.

I'm getting my hoodie tomorrow :D, and I think my hair dyed too... sweet!!! **** I can't sleep and I have a killer headache, awesome! I hope I don't have a concusion.. cause that'd suck :(

Well I'm finally in the mood to sleep, so G'night people <3

[~Ricky~]

Hm... it's been two days since I updated, sweet..

So basically I was talking to Alex on the phone lastnight and me and him started talking about me moving out to Ketucky and living with him for about a year. I honestly think it'd just help me get over Ali... so hopefully I'll be able to, cause it'd PWN to live with Alex.

[~Ricky~]

I got my new hoodie!

It's damn sexy! I'd do it... well I wouldn't, but it's still awesome.

I can't sleep right now =( Stupid, something making it so I can't sleep.

[~Ricky~]

Ahah, wow. So my title thing sucks, I can't do sh*t when sick :(

Yay, funny cause no one knows I'm sick.

[~Ricky~]

DAmmmmmmmn. Update time, sweet.

So as of now me and Ali aren't friends, if I'm correct. Honestly I'm not too worried about the whole ordeal, dunno why.

I know I still want to date her, I still wish her to be happy. But I'm perfectly happy not even speaking to her.

Now to update on my awesome-tacular week...

Monday I got my hair re-dyed/cut, so that made it so I missed the first two classes :) Went to school and basically it was totally awesome. I was suprisingly enough, getting checked out by some really f*cking hot girls at the school, AJ and myself basically laughed WAY too much because of these girls checking me out.

Now basically for the next 4 days of school that's all that happens.

I find out I'm passing my classes, SWEET! And uhm... yeah. Nothing much to really actually update on.

Oh, AJ started dating Shyleen =) I feel really sorry for him cause she's putting him through more sh*t than he deserves.

[~Ricky~]

Ricky's sick. F*cking joy.

This will be the second day I'm sick :( I have the doctors in like 2 1/2 hours and I don't even want to leave my damn house.

My eyes are like leaking something, my head hurts, my neck hurts, my throat is killing me, I have my throat filled with some random crap.

Well whatever... I found a really cool group so I've been listening to their songs a lot lately :)

[~Ricky~]

Hooooly crap. I can't sleep, it's 3:26 and I haven't slept since yesterday... ugh.

Guess I'm going to school with no sleep :(

I'm getting my tonsils removed soon, joy.

[~Ricky~]

Wow, I thought I could go two weeks without crying. HA! Basically I've lost yet ANOTHER friend, sweet.

So this is the nice comment Willow gave me on MSN then blocked right after "and if you have any issues, questions, comments, or help then find me at school ill be at the park waiting for the old ricky to come back"
and that basically to sum up means she wants the old me back. Funny cause I'm still the same except I look different, I'm happy, I'm content and she doesn't believe me on that fact. *sigh*

[~Ricky~]

A week without an update.

K.. well...

I'm still sick, Joy! Don't care anymore.

Beside that.. HALO WARS! OMFG THIS GAME IS GOING TO TAKE MY LIFE OVER! IT'S SOOOO SEXY AND I ORGASMED 3 TIMES WHILE WATCHING THE TRAILER!

Uhm, and yeah. Besides that, nothing new :)

[~Ricky~]

k. I'm just updating cause I'm bored.

Still sick, can't do anything about it. I've got this HORRIBLE pain in my lower right side and well, it sucks.

Uhm, I really, really like Porcelain and the Tramps, their a great group. I'm addicted to "King of the World" for some reason and I really don't care what people say, I like it.

I'm going to a party tonight, eh, should be fun. Gonna bring AJ with me because I'll know no one there beside Hayley... plus anyway, I wanna see AJ drunk :) So we're gonna go about 9 O-Clock to the party and only stay for like 2 hours, I guess. I'm gonna be cool and not drink or do drugs, or cause I just think their stuid. =\

Well I'll update tomorrow on how that goes.

Oh, before I go, forgot to say that I'm going to a concert with Chelsea and her friend. Should be lots o fun. :)

[~Ricky~]

Woooooooooooooooooow. So my first drunk experience, intresting. Horrible and a great joy, if there wasn't the horrible puking every so often I would do it more often.

Got home at 2AM and I'm grounded.

Still I got to go to a concert today :) That made me happy cause like holy crap it was bamazing.

Now like, I need sleep lata'

[~Ricky~]

29 Days since an update. Damn, there's been so much that's happened during this month. Quite an amazing one, I must say.

Well I'll start off with the Ali thing, because that's really all you guys care about. I've offically stopped having any feeling for her, I realized what she really is and that's a horrible person. I can't stand how she acts, how much of a hipocrite she is with her whole "christian" thing and just how much a plain idiot she is.

As we all know Ali's "Christian" but now she's going against her damn religion now sinning so much it scares me, cause even I don't this much. Back earlier in the month we were on good terms for about... a week and during this time I found out she needed to steal something from her English teacher so she could cheat on her report. Then lastweek I found out Ali's smoking again, which is illegal, AND she's doing pot again, which is ILLEGEAL here people. I wouldn't care ONE bit if she wasn't christian, but because she is it makes it all that much different and she's just being plain stupid for trying to get people to believe in her religion. How the hell can a person do that when they can't even follow their own religion?

Beside the ranting on Ali. My life pretty much has pwned.

I yes, have become a myspace whore but bleh, I don't care. It's a good way to not be bored. I've met a crap load of really awesome people in the last while. Very awesome people, must say :)

Oh, last Sunday I went to a show. Was really damn fun, even though it was local, I was in the moshpit, smallest guy there :) Got punched a few times in the face, so now I'm even uglier xD

I'm now extremely obsessed with the song "Leaving Song pt.2" by AFI. So I'd recommend it, guys.

[~Ricky~]

Okaaaaaaaaaay.
*stares at last posts*
Well it's been... awhile since I last made an entry.

This should be quite interesting to update on.
I'll make the whole thing with Ali(And Willow) brief because it's useless sh*t in my life now.
Ali and Willow more or less have stopped talking to me, which I totally love. Makes me life a lot easier and I don't have to think of those two whining every two seconds.
Funny thing is though is that they said they'd never speak of me every again but it seems that they talk about me quite often to my friend Tyler. And they are trying to make him into a "new me" as they say. Which I think is really pathetic and shallow of the two of them.

Now onto more important matters.

During December, very early December I met this girl April on nexopia.com through the chat boards. I posted something about making a sign picture for people and I jokingly told her I'd give hers to her in real life because she lives in the same City as me. So it seems they we decided to meet up. We met up a week later to do some shopping for her and she was going to trim my hair for me.
The next day, which was December 15th she asked me to her best friends party. I took the bus down to her friends place and April was already drunk.
So basically the entire night I held her and cuddled. I made some sexual remarks to her involving her bra. She said nothing could happen until 5AM, when everyone would be asleep. Well basically we just laid in bed for about an hour talking, she then accidentally kneed me in the nuts and to make me better she started making out with me.
So then I found out she liked me, and well I had already had some small feelings for her, obviously. But we both agreed that we weren't dating, and it was nothing more.
So basically for the next full month we saw each other almost everyday, any day we could honestly.
Then about three weeks ago we went to Vancouver to see some friends and to go to Science World the day after we got there.
Well I went off to meet my friends, she went off to meet hers. I ended up at a party, which she was already at... and drunk. So I stayed with her the entire night and decided to drink a bit. We got kicked out of the party because of April being too loud and annoying.
So her, myself, her friend Diandra and a few other kids we knew headed off to the bus stop. It took about half an hour to walk two blocks with April being drunk. We finally got to Diandras place and she said I could stay at her place the night because I couldn't get to my friends place that night.
By the morning I found out April didn't remember ANYTHING of that night and she was really happy that I helped her to Diandras, because Diandra was wayyyyy too drunk to get April to her place.
Well since then April has barely talked to me, I've been in the hospital to get my tonsils removed and April promised me she'd come visit that night I was there and she never did... she promised me she'd come on Friday to visit me and she never did ANDDDD she said she'd visit me on Saturday which she never did.
Now it's Saturday night and it's basically been two full weeks, a little more about by an hour that I haven't seen April.
Quite hurtful actually because I really want to date her, she's all I think about.

I laugh at how I only update this blog to talk about my love life, sad. :(

[~Ricky~]

LOLOL I'm gonna bitch about April for a few minutes...

Things went from seeming like they were going to get better last night to going to sh*t today.

Start with yesterday, which I'll just copy and paste my message I sent to my friend.

To sum it up.
April asked me to hangout yesterday, I said maybe and she got upset. So I said we would. She told me her friend would meet up with us at 3, her friend was with her when I met her at 1:40. April barely talked to me the entire day, just talked to her friend. Avoided me half the day while we walked around downtown looking at clothes. She blamed it on my friend being annoying, but she could've told me that so I could have told him to leave. She then said that I never tried to talk to her or went into the stores with her, but c'mon I don't wanna be her ****ing dog following her around in a store!
Oh, and to really add onto the ****tyness she never gave me a hug or anything when I first saw her today.
Basically I just ditched her 3 hours in because I was fed up with her avoiding me. She then texts me asking why I ditched her, I told her.
I finally met up with her at 5:10 because she wanted to go for dinner with me and gloryfades. I had to go home to get my money though, so I left her I gave her a hug and she gave me the most half assed hug I've ever been given. So it's taken almost 4 hours to get a ****ing hug out of her!
Finally I got home and just told her I'm not going to go for dinner.
I really can't stand it.
:(

So later in the night me and her started to talk.

april says:
do you want to know everything?
*Ricky.. says:
Yes.
april says:
I liked you
april says:
but I didnt realize what I was getting myself into
april says:
Ive never experienced a relationship like what we had
april says:
and I told you that I wasnt ready for anything more
So her second thing she said to me, made me so happy. I already knew this stuff.

april says:
Well look.
april says:
I didnt mean that, but you obviously thought I did. and you have good reason
april says:
but I didnt
april says:
and I didnt want to hurt you
april says:
I told you that

That was about the commitment part. How if felt to me she implied she wanted to see others. Even though she says she didn't, according to her.

Then her internet died out a bit later. So I couldn't ask her if me and her would continue. I finally was able to ask her today though and she says she wants to just be friends for awhile.
So blah :(

[~Ricky~]

I'm so cold.
Seriously, so cold.
My nipples are hard as f*ck.
I want April here :(

[~Ricky~]

I posted this in my Myspace blog. So I thought it'd be great to put in here...


Title called: Girls: Do you even realize how much sh*t you put us through?
There's always the thing about -- how the guy hurt the girl, made HER upset, made her off everything.
But seriously it happens to guys too, you hurt us just as much as we hurt you; maybe even more.
You stick with us when we're there for you when no one else is, to keep you safe, to make you happy, you return it.
But then you stop caring about our feelings, you bat us aside, stop talking to us, avoid us at all costs.
We do we do? Nothing. We don't complain about it to you like you would to us.
We sit there, upset. Wondering why it happened, how we could've prevented it, what we did to deserve the sh*tyou're putting us through.
So girls, next time you complain about getting hurt by a guy. Remember, you've most likely done it before so shut the f*ck up and keep it to yourself.

[~Ricky~]

Okay....

Well lastnight Tyler stayed at my house for the night.
We hung out, went downtown, ate a bit... I then asked him to go onto my MSN account later in the night to talk to April. Because, honestly I'm frickin' curious about the whole ordeal between me and her. So while I was lying down watching TV, Gilmore Girls and House(<3), Tyler talked to April.
He basically found out absolutely nothing besides that fact she's confused about everything and she doesn't know what she wants between me and her.
He asked her if she's talking to any of her friends about the situation between me and her, she said she's talked about it a bit but not too much. So Tyler brought up the idea to possibly talk to her friends about it because it might help. She then said that there's one thing that no one besides her knows, so I'm really damn curious because of that.
Tyler then told her she should talk to me about everything if she doesn't have any mutual feelings left for me, just to set me at ease. So I'm still waiting for a conversation between me and her... really not looking forward to it though :(

Besides things about April...
I woke up at 6:30 this morning, after going to be at 2:15. I got ready, had a bath, ate my breakfast... straightened my hair.
I decided to come to school with Tyler, because I've forgotten to mention that I'm home schooled now :P
So I went to school with Tyler. I saw Ali while walking down the stairs and it was priceless to watch her glare at me while I walked down; totally didn't pay any attention to her at all... just called Tylers name to hurry up. Finally got my morning coke, which I always need.
We then sat on the first floor stairs with a few kids, Marina one of which is me and Tylers ex(LOL). While I'm sitting and drinking me coke, Willow and Ali both walk by me and glare at me, still f*cking funny to watch them stare at me while I don't look at them.

So now I'm in the school library typing all this bullsh*t up. It's so difficult to type with this keyboard because of the "W" key, it's so tough to push down on so I always miss entering my W's into words so it's ghey >.< So now I get to wait another... hour it seems until Tyler gets out of class so me and him can go leave and head downtown, because he has a free B block so I wanna just do random **** downtown and then head to the doctors :)

[~Ricky~]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
OMG
So I'm so bored sitting here in the library I decided to go over my old blog entries.
I can say with 100% certainty that I was OBSESSED with Ali. Horribly, horribly obsessive it's pathetic.
I said I LOVED her like what the f*ck.

But reading all of that bullsh*t made me clue in my life is starting to sound like it did last year. Except I'm not saying I love April, because well I don't... I'm just extremely attracted to her.
But holy f*ck man. I was so emotional back then it was pathetic. Like I still am, but ARE YOU F*CKING SERIOUS?! I'm sad to say that was me back then.
And... reading the things about Myspace, I was f*cking cocky and I thought I was total sh*t.
Like... thinking back those girls were VERY unattractive. So many more attractive girls talk to me now, and I don't care because it's life =\

I bet reading over my new blog entries in 3-4 months will make me laugh really loud. =(

[bman3k]

I know it's been a while since you blogged, but I want to comment.

Well you're homeschooled now... I wouldn't like that. About Ali, I don't think you were "obsessed" or "pathetic" about her, maybe you just loved her, there isn't always a good reason to love someone.

Good luck with everything man.
PS. House is a good show :D

[~Ricky~]

I need to update this.
Extremely badly.
I'll do it once I wake up.

[~Ricky~]

*looks at last post made*
Well then... it's been a good 6 some odd months since I've updated this.

I'm extremely bored and doubt I'll sleep for another hour. So I might as well put in a huge thing for now, even though I doubt anyone will bother to read this.

Sooooo... I turned 17 on May 14th(Hoorah). I technically dropped out of school cause I wasn't doing any work.
Summer rolls around and I've gotten to become really good friends with a pal named Matt. This kid is the main person I've seen this entire summer, we've both gone a huge amount of drama that I'm surprised I could deal with it.
To start off I saved Matt from becoming a druggy, which was the high light of this Summer, really was.
Me and him almost got arrested when we were on a trip to Vancouver, BC, Canada. Mainly because we had possession, and were "under influence".
During this Summer I've become a huge stoner, like easily 2-3 grams a day now.
This Summer has really been lacking in the girl department I must admit though, through this entire heartfelt thing only two girls have gone after me, sadly they were both sluts and made out with different guys the next day. =[
I've decided I'm moving out in 3 months with my friend Tyler, and also I'm going into a hair dressing program so I can become a hair dresser. =D

[~Ricky~]

Hm...

I lost the internet for a good week which wasn't that difficult like it used to be. Gave me time to catch up on school work and get a job, which I'm very close to getting. This coming Wednesday I'll be starting to work at a Haunted House for $10/hr working for 5 hours a day, which right now seems incredibly great.

Saturday the 6th was an amazing day. I saw a lot of friends who I haven't seen/been in contact with for a few weeks/months. I enjoyed being around all those kids, so many pictures from that day I can sure as hell say. I was really sad to see four of them go because they all live a good 6-7 hours away from me. Thankfully I'll be able to see them all again before the middle of November.

For schooling right now I'm sadly still behind, but I'm catching up at the best pace I can!

As for my great friend Matt, I've had to let him go as a friend because he is slowly ruining his life because of drugs, alcohol and just hanging around the wrong people. It's really difficult to be subtle about not wanting to be his friend anymore, but I know in the long run it will help both of us.

[Majin]

How does your haunted house pay? My grandma was telling me my cousin is working at one and won't be paid until after Halloween.

[~Ricky~]

How does your haunted house pay? My grandma was telling me my cousin is working at one and won't be paid until after Halloween.
Same goes for me also, but I'm making $10/hr so why should I really care? I'll have roughly $900 by the end of this month!

[~Ricky~]

So last night I let my friend Angela stay over because she had work at 5AM and I live 15 minute walk from her work. The entire night we made out and cuddled, surprise it took me 9 months to make out with a girl again... she said I was a good kisser though. :blush:

[~Ricky~]

I got a job at A&W! Full time work should be quite unexciting.