Comments, please.

[Vamp]

Yay!

[Jake]

Vamp I think I should I report you to teen counseliing because I don't want you to kill yourself!

[Vamp]

I'm not going to kill myself. I just feel very suicidal at times.

[Epic Fail]

I like the WTF car in your sig.

[Jake]

Vamp you are pretty funny.

[Jake]

I didn't know that you were a stoner.

[Vamp]

I am giving it up. Last night was a wake up call.

I feel really alive though, normally I am too tired to get up in the mornings, but this morning I was up real early and I feel awake!

[Jake]

Overdosing on pills is stupid. I did it with Marlei once in the summer. It amkes you so stupid. I decided to stop when I was out of cigarettes, and I couldn't figure out that I had no cigarettes. So I sat on my porch trying to figure out how to light the "cigarette." I was so confused. I ended up putting a match in my mouth and trying to light it.

Just smoke weed.

[Vamp]

I would if I had some.

I do feel pretty stupid after overdosing. Also, I laugh non stop for ages.

[Jake]

Dealers are easy to find in school.

[Jake]

And crawling on the planet's face
Some insects called the human race
Lost in time
And lost in space
And meaning
[chorus] ME-EE-EE-EE-NING

I don't know but your last post reminded me of that. And christians suck some ass.

[Vamp]

Heh, that's coool. And yes, every day, Christians come up with a new way to annoy me.

Today I was reading the card with my Grandfather on it, you know them things you get when someone dies. Anyway, there was a picture of him on it, and then underneath is all this bullsh*t about Jesus.

News Flash: I don't give a flying f*ck about Jesus, stop ruining my Grandfather's memorial card.

[Jake]

Marlei reads this too, but I odn't think she knows the comment thing exists.

[Epic Fail]

Ah, well, I'm a christian, personally, but we seem to coexist just fine. ^_^

[Vamp]

:finger:

Just kidding. Do you go to church on a regular basis?

[Jake]

oh man I once dreamed I was a jew in Nzi Germany too. Except I was in my neighborhood and not in actual Germany. And apparently, all of the neighborhood families were Jew too, so we ran away to this elementary school down the street, and everyone in my family died except me and my brother.
Ah, well, I'm a christian, personally, but we seem to coexist just fine. ^_^
not politically and socially...

[Jake]

When I read your blog, I really want to get you to Annapolis. You and Marlei love each other a lot and I love you almost as much!

I don't know you just don't seem like you deserve to be a loner or have a psycho mom.

When I was forum blocked, I just signed in on as Marlei to read and see if there was a party about me not being there. I never posted as her though.

[Vamp]

omg banned :(

You still have that Smackman account, right?

<3

[Patrick!]

Vamp. I never knew you posted anything not "no u" :P
I had a suicidal stage a couple of years ago, just keep fighting and things will get better. Do you live in England?

[Vamp]

I live in Ireland.

Keep fighting? I've been fighting since I was 8, man. Anyway, why were you suicidal?

[Patrick!]

Clinical depression and asbiergers' syndrome. It's a form of autism that screws your social skills.

[Vamp]

Depression is a bitch, ain't it? I have a shoe with 12 pills in it, but I am not sure if that will kill me or not. If I do want to kill myself, I don't want to muck it up and look like an idiot.

[Olga]

It can get hard sometimes, but no matter what, don't do anything like that.
I like listening to people, reading autobiographies, that kind of thing, it fascinates me, and trust me, there's always at least some kind of improvement. There's also situations you can't get out of I'm sure many get at some point, but I don't think you are going through yours yet.
You find it hard to believe in God. What if you're right, and then there really isn't anything afterwards? No matter how bad things get, surely absolutely no existence at all is worse? I find that the thought of everyone else moving, breathing, living while I'm simply not there any more scares the sh*t out of me, so I'll be going on as long as I can.
So just wait; it'll be difficult carrying on sometimes, but I can pretty much guarantee you that there'll be something worth it all, and more, if you stick to it and keep on trying. There are so many good things out there; don't close off your opportunity, there will be no turning back.

[Vamp]

I like listening to people, reading autobiographies, that kind of thing, it fascinates me
I like doing that too, I hope to be a Psychologist or a Councillor.

there's always at least some kind of improvement.
When you in the middle of depression, you see no improvement in the future.

I find that the thought of everyone else moving, breathing, living while I'm simply not there any more scares the sh*t out of me
Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. When I die, the world will go on. But where will I be? Will I be a spirit? Will everything just end, just like if I was never born? Crazy.

[Olga]

When you in the middle of depression, you see no improvement in the future.


Yeah, I've been thinking about that a lot. When I die, the world will go on. But where will I be? Will I be a spirit? Will everything just end, just like if I was never born? Crazy.
True, but I guess you'll just have to take the word of me and other people.
You're still young. You'll have an unlimited number of chances to kill yourself yet, so why rush it?
When will you start going to university?

Yep, difficult subject, but I'm leaning towards the "there's nothing afterwards" option. Ugh.

[Vamp]

I go to College in two years. But I have lots of exams to do next year. :(

[Olga]

"This is what is done"; what?
Wait till college, it's bound to make everything better. Exams are a bitch, but people get through those, and so will you, you're not thick.

[Vamp]

"This is what is done"; what?
I honestly don't know.

Wait till college, it's bound to make everything better. Exams are a bitch, but people get through those, and so will you, you're not thick.
That will probably be a very stressful time, that's if I even get into college! I could fail all my exams next year.

[Tom]

Vamp seriously what the bloody f*ck are you doing, taking them?

[Vamp]

Vamp seriously what the bloody f*ck are you doing, taking them?
Last night was a spur of the moment thing, I was happy then something made me sad and angry so I took them, then I started laughing. It was really wierd.

[Tom]

You decided to kill yourself on the spur of the moment? Clarify.

[Vamp]

I can't really remember what happened, Dr. Flynn.

[Tom]

Vamp, if you're doing things emotionally, you perhaps need to distance yourself. Though hard, view yourself objectively, distance yourself from yourself. Try to pre-empt your feeling and try to look rationally at things where possible.

[Olga]

I honestly don't know.


That will probably be a very stressful time, that's if I even get into college! I could fail all my exams next year.
You won't fail if you study.
Life isn't easy, and you've got it bad, but if you just give up, nothing will ever get better; if you do something, the reward will be so many times better that when you look back, you'll wonder what got into you in the first place.
You have a carreer in mind - it doesn't have to be a clear and precise plan, but you have one, and that's all you need. You're not stupid, so there is absolutely nothing preventing you from getting good grades, going to the college of your choice and really begin living. Christ, you haven't experienced anything yet, no wonder you don't feel hopeful.
Good things don't just come about. You can give up, leave nothing in the world while it goes on, and disappear, just like that; or you can put some effort into it, become someone you respect, build your own life, sculpt it into what you want it to be.
Choice is yours.

[Patrick!]

Vamp. If you kill yourself, I will come to Ireland and kill you every day for the rest of your life! Also, wrong pills to kill youself with. I've tried.

[Vamp]

Yeah, I really thought them pills would work. They did produce some pretty nasty side effects. I think my penis has gotten smaller!

Thanks for the advice, Olga. As soon as the effects of the pills wears off, I am going to see the doctor. I just hope I have the balls to tell him the truth.

[Patrick!]

Well because you took the pills, you have much smaller balls, and you won't be able to tell him! :P

[Vamp]

I said my penis was smaller, not my balls. Anyway, my penis is back to normal.

[Gonzales]

lol

[Patrick!]

I'm just f*cking kidding Vamp. Note the :P smiley?

This post is meant completely light-heartedly. Realy.

[Smackman]

Vamp U haven't talked to you in like a week. I have been unable to do internet things.

this is coming from a drug user: stop the pills. they'll mess you up, the effects aren't usually that fun, and they'll destroy an organ or two, probably the liver. also, 12 pills won't kill you. I used to take 11 pills when I ODed, and that was my standard dose. we're probably taking different things, but most people who die by OD take 50 or more. It's amazing how strong your immune system is.

Have you heard the story that Napoleon got depressed and tried to kill himself? He thought he was 5 times stronger than most men, so he took 5 times a lethal dose. it was so much that his body rejected it and didn't die. it is a pretty cool story.

i don't know how to write blog comments so I'll see you on AIM sometime soon.

[Vamp]

50? Holy sh*t. What was I thinking with my twelve?

Jake I am on AIM a lot and you are not. :(

[Victoria]

While being in a pretty damn messed up condition you could take 5 or so aspirins and be fine. What were you thinking with your twelve? Hell. At one time, Whore popped just about every pill that he could find and survived without any damage done to his organs. You deserved your penis getting smaller.

I'm saying that in a white, fuzzily fluffy type of way, of course.

So you're in 11th grade? 17-18 years, something like that (could check if you have anything in your profile, but meh)? Goddamnit, just survive until you get to college. Don't think **** like "I'm going to fail those exams, anyway", because you'd be surprised at how big of a role your mental state plays in everything you do. I'm not trying to feed you the "aww, don't give give up" bull****, I know I'd hate it myself. Ever wonder why I nag about Belarus so much (ehh... kinda like I am now, again, I guess)? Because it is hell. I have to live in semi-poverty after having just about everything I wanted, because my father is an alcoholic. Hell, my mother has to hide money away from him, so he doesn't automatically waste it all on beer or vodka, thank God mind shattering technology like credit cards hasn't gotten to Belarus yet. Did I think about killing myself at least once during the 3 years I've been here? No. I guess you could take this as something even worse than the "aww, don't give up" crap, being more like "look at me, I've got it worse, so shut up", but it's not that, either. In fact, I don't know what this is, because I felt like coming into a thread and ranting. Basically, it feels like you're over-dramatizing your depression and living with it just because you're so damn used to it that you begin to enjoy it. People like that usually pitiful beings, ranking "emo", and that is what you sound like. Of course, I can't dig around in your head or know even 1% of what goes on in it, which means that everything that I've written here is completely unjustified and plainly none of my buisiness, and that I should probably stop now, which I will.

Tch... Good luck.