Inlé and shortkut's adventure w/ guest appearances by alec and spike

[Inlé_rah]

sorry, when i read this it was like you were talking about twix adding peanut butter to the mix
No... But now that the elves have all pretty much left Middle Earth there will be no one left to make the Keebler cookies. :sad:

[shortkut]

nooooo!!!!!! we'll be stuck with store brand knockoffs for the rest of our time in middle earth :cry:

[Inlé_rah]

nooooo!!!!!! we'll be stuck with store brand knockoffs for the rest of our time in middle earth :cry:
Yup. Despite the return of the king, the fall of Dark Lord No. 2, and all that, it looks like the 4th Age of Middle Earth will be a dark one after all. :(

Inlé: Wait! I know!
shortkut: What?
Inlé: Let's go to Valinor to get some cookies! There are lots of elves there!
shortkut: I dunno. I don't think that humans are supposed to go there.
Inlé: Come now! You talk like its removed from the circles of the world or something!
shortkut: Umm...
Inlé: Come on! It's not as it we'll sink into the seas 'cause of some fit of Valmaric wrath! What's the worst that can happen?
shortkut: That we'll sink into the seas because of a fit of Valmaric wrath...
Inlé: You're such a pessimist.
shortkut: It happened to Numenor.
Inlé: That king-guy wanted immortality. We only want cookies.
shortkut: But still...
Inlé: Quiet now. Smile and think about cookies! Lotsa precious yummy cookieses... Onward! Into the West! *pause* Um...you don't happen to have a spare Silmarril handy, do you?
shortkut: sigh...

[shortkut]

Yup. Despite the return of the king, the fall of Dark Lord No. 2, and all that, it looks like the 4th Age of Middle Earth will be a dark one after all. :(

Inlé: Wait! I know!
shortkut: What?
Inlé: Let's go to Valinor to get some cookies! There are lots of elves there!
shortkut: I dunno. I don't think that humans are supposed to go there.
Inlé: Come now! You talk like its removed from the circles of the world or something!
shortkut: Umm...
Inlé: Come on! It's not as it we'll sink into the seas 'cause of some fit of Valmaric wrath! What's the worst that can happen?
shortkut: That we'll sink into the seas because of a fit of Valmaric wrath...
Inlé: You're such a pessimist.
shortkut: It happened to Numenor.
Inlé: That king-guy wanted immortality. We only want cookies.
shortkut: But still...
Inlé: Quiet now. Smile and think about cookies! Lotsa precious yummy cookieses... Onward! Into the West! *pause* Um...you don't happen to have a spare Silmarril handy, do you?
shortkut: sigh...


:D

Inlé: Can't you row any faster? I want to get some cookies
shortkut: Um, this is a sailboat, the wind pushes us.
Inlé: Then blow on the sail, I have a suggestion for a new kind of cookie the elves can make
shortkut: What is it?
Inlé: If I tell you then you'll try to take all the credit
shortkut: fine, but I still think that we should have sent them a letter instead of trying to get there ourselves
Inlé: Well if we can't geet there, then how will the mailman?
shortkut: we could've at lease sent them an email

[AlecTrevylan006]

~~Sailing (falling) from the sky comes Alec!~~

sorry, was using Mt. Doom as a bong for all the weed I stole from the ruins of isengard, kinda lost my way.

~~tries to get in boat, is pushed out~~

Oh, fine! Well, I'm gonna have to come back with my fleet of corsairs! HAHA!

[Inlé_rah]

shortkut: Ok! We are out in the middle of the sundering seas! In a sailboat! With no wind! And no Silmarril to guide us!
Inlé: And no cookies...
shortkut: Shut up about the cookies! Anyways. what food DO we have left.
Inlé: Lembas bread. And more lembas bread. If we sprinkle sugar on it, it might taste like cookies...
shortkut: grr...which way is Valinor anyways?
Inlé: West
shortkut: An which way is West?
Inlé: Um...*points towards setting sun.* That a way. Of course.
shortkut: But there's still no wind.
Inlé: No fear! I can remedy that! *dives into the water*
shortkut: Inlé!!! Idiot...

*an hour later*

Inlé: Gasp. Got it!
shorkut: What?
Inlé: Courtesy of a convenient plot twist, my friend Aeolus just gave me a bag containing the 4 winds. Now we can control them and sail to Valinor.
shortkut: Stealing plot elements again?
Inlé: Should I have retreived a wind waker instead? I know someone in Bree who sells then cheap...
shortkut: Oh never mind, lets just get going.
Inlé: Ok. If we want to go west, do we release the east wind or the west wind?
shortkut: East wind blows out of the east, so...
Inlé: Gotcha! Now! Onward! To Valinor! To glory! And to snickerdoodle cookies!

[AlecTrevylan006]

(sneaks onto Inle's ship, opens bag, winds escape, blowing Alec away instead)

[shortkut]

Inlé: shortkut, did you just fart?
shortkut: *sniffs around* nope. it sounded like it came from below deck
Inlé: My precious bag of winds is down there
*Inlé checks down stairs* NOOO!!! MY PRECIOUS, WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU
shortkut: uh, Inlé, are you okay?
Inlé: must find who hurt the precious
shortkut: hey, there are top quality drugs near the empty bag, that means Alec did it
Inlé: stupid fat Aleces, you ruin it
*Alec appears from nowhere*
Alec: Hey, I'm not fat. I just want to go get some cookies
Inlé: Mine, my cookies, Inlé, Inlé
shortkut: I think I see a snickerdoodle floating in the water
Alec: ooooh
*Alec jumps off the boat to get it*

[Inlé_rah]

Ok, ok. This is the most off topic line of posts I've ever seen. I mean, come ON.

Topics evolve. Topics change. Only rarely are tangents split off. I once started a "Worst Movies of All Time" thread that quickly turned into a "which is the hottest Bond Girl?" discussion. These things happen. Moreover, it's not a bad thing. In fact, it might even be fun...

Inlé: Let's face it. We're lost.
shortkut: As if we originally knew how to get there anyways.
Inlé: Quiet you. Anyways, Alec already found cookies floating in the sea. And I'm full. And thirsty.
Alec: Let's go get a pint!
Inlé: And where exactly do you propose...
shortkut: A tavern!
Inlé: Yes but...
*an island tavern appears*
Oh...
Alec: *reads sign* "The Hog's Head..."
shortkut: Ew...
Inlé: Why can't it be something happy and comforting like "The Prancing Pony"
Alec: Or "The Green Dragon!"
Inlé: I don't think of dragons as very comforting...
Alec: Then you need another ale. Bartender! A pint of ban requests for me and my friends, shaken not stirred, for spam, stupidity, and off-topic posts."
shortkut: It comes in pints?
Inlé: Can't I just get a martini?

[AlecTrevylan006]

OOC=You'll give them to me as a sex slave/lab monkey for testing drugs?

IC=(Alec goes first to Corsairs)
Alec-Come! I need a fleet to bear me to Valinor so I can ge the cookies first.
Castamir-I don't have any ships anymore...
Alec-.......What?
Castamir-Yeah.
Alec-(stares) You're a country named after a boat, and you don't have ANY?
Castamir-Well, there was this guy with a sword, and he had all these dead guys, a hairy midgit and a rather ugly woman.
Alec-(slams head)
Castamir-I have some of my own cookies, want them?
Alec-No. Look, where can I find a fleet?
Castamir-Go to Gondor, that's where the b@stard who stole mine went.
Alec-Thank you. Now you must tell nobody of this meeting.
Castamir-(laughs) And how do you intend to stop me?
Alec-I'll get inle to come and...damn, cant do that. Have to bribe you. (takes out 3 grains of "high society". Come on, ever seen rounders? It's like poker chips but with drugs)
Castamir-Thank you great Alec, it's a wonderful gift (accidentally inhales, floats away on high)
Alec-Now for the cookies. I shall defeat you inle! (shakes fist at west, hit by falling balrog)

[shortkut]

they won't be used for your drug testing for that will be pleasurable for your drugs are great. lets give them to realm for drug testing

[AlecTrevylan006]

My point exactly. I have "come into possession" of some of his stock, and its hella funny to see it put to work.

[Inlé_rah]

*an hour later*

Inlé: Where's Alec?
shortkut: Um, he left saying something about Corsair ships...betraying us...and cookies...and Valinor...but then that slanty-eyed half-orc-looking guy eating the butterbeer nuts turned up the hockey game...
Inlé: Oh no! That means that he must be trying to beat us to Valinor so he can have all the preciousssss Keebler Elvish Cookies for himself.
shortkut: Hmm...we're going to need a bigger boat. *pause* Where can we get boats?
Inlé: Well we can't go to the corsairs because Alec probably bribed them with product. Hmm.... where in Arda can we get a big fast boat?
shortkut: Grey havens?
Inlé: Are you joking?! We can't get a boat from the elves!
shortkut: Do they have boats in South Gondor?
Inlé: Well they have a natural harbor and a river that goes far inland, so I assume so...
shortkut: Perfect! Let's go! But what should be do about Alec? What if we run into him?
Inlé: Hmm... We could breed an army of James Bond clones. I know of this cool place only a little ways out of the way in Nan Curunir that had a decent genetics lab in the days of auld...or not so auld...or not auld at all...

[AlecTrevylan006]

(Pelagrir)
Alec-I need ships.
Gondorian Captain-All up river at Harlond from saving Gondor.
Alec-DAMN IT!
GC-Well, I have one thing you could use...
Alec-What?
GC-A clone killing ring.
Alec-That's brilliant!
GC-One problem, it only kills women.
Alec-No problem. The only time I was defeated (I never died. I was like Gandalf, brought before Gandalf) was because Bond cheated. His Russian chick distracted me. If I can get rid of them, nothing can defeat me! How much?
GC-What you got?
Alec-A gram of high society, and a bong of power.
GC-Bong of power?
Alec-Yes. You see, I have the one Bong, mount doom. From there, I can control you via your bong. Here, try it
GC-(uses bong, immediately turns into black stoner) Yes, bong master!
Alec-Good, now I go on, to Harlond (port near Minas Tirith). With my bong of power, I will bring all the keebler cookies under my sway! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!

[shortkut]

shortkut: nothing eh
Inlé: what'd you say
shortkut: i thought i heard something
Inlé: well it doesn't matter now, we're at osgiliath now
shortkut: uh oh, it looks like alec got here before us
Inlé: damn, now we need something else but what
shortkut: how about a deus ex machina?
Inlé: you mean like the chariot at the end of medea, that's too simple. if we got something like that then we would need to go on a new adventure
shortkut: i guess you're right. do you you think we can find one of the boats the teleri have?
Inlé: you mean like that swan boat floating over here?
shortkut: i thought no deus ex machina type things
Inlé: :shrug:

[AlecTrevylan006]

Alec-(sails through Osgiliath with fleet) Haha, beat ya! and now, Galadriel, Aragorn, Faramir, and Eomer are under the thrall of my bongs of power, and through them the lands of the south are being brought under my will. Muhahahaa! (lightning strikes, killing helmsman. Alec thrown overboard onto coastline. Great wind lifts ship, drops on Alec) Ow! (crawls from underneath, gets on other ship) damn, that keeps happening. You'd think that Eru wants me dead... (bends over, boom swings across where his head was) Ooh, cookie crumbs on the deck! (sails south down river)

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: I dunno. That boat looks kinda small to me... And it doesn't have sails.
shortkut: Yeah..
Inlé: Alec has a huge start on us. We'd need a miracle to get there first...
shortkut: Oh mighty God of the Machine! Help us!
*giant cannon falls from the sky*
Inlé: That'll work.
shortkut: Ok point it towards the West. We'll fly to Valinor.
Inlé: Which way is west again?
*shortkut points north*
Inlé: Ok. Hop in! Let's fly!
*cut scene to somewhere in the Misty Mountains*
shortkut: ouch!
Inlé: You idiot! Now where in the hell are we?
shortkut: Um...in the mountains...
Inlé: Damn. We need a real miracle now...
Deux ex machina! Auxilio ab alto alis volat propriis!
*Gwahir the Windlord appears*
Ok...close...but it'll do...
shortkut: What did you say?
Inlé: Rara avis...
shortkut: Inlé...
Inlé: Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
shortkut: In the common tongue if you please...
Inlé: Hey! Look below! There's Alec's fleet! Want to drop in and have some fun?
shortkut: You're insane... you want to have engage in a naval battle...on a giant eagle no less!
Inlé: Fortes Fortuna adiuvat.
shortkut: Inlé!
Inlé: Fine. Fortune aids the brave.
shortkut: But not the reckless.
Inlé: Dive bomb!
shortkut: ARGHHHHHHH!

[shortkut]

i would reply again until i get a translation :sad:

[Inlé_rah]

i would reply again until i get a translation :sad:

Surely you could understand some of it from legal terms, university mottos, and Harry Potter latin? The grammar is all wrong, mind you.:p

Deux ex machina! Auxilio ab alto alis volat propriis!
God from the machine! By aid from on high, let him fly by his own wings!

Rara avis...
A rare bird...

Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur.
Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.

Fortes Fortuna adiuvat.
Fortune aids the brave.

[shortkut]

i know it should have been will not/won't but what ever

all i knew was deus ex machina and rara avis

[AlecTrevylan006]

GRR..DEUS EX MACHINA MEANS GOD FROM THE MACHINE.
It's a term that basically means divine intervention in literary works.


As someone who has taken Latin, I have to say yours sucks.
Now, to the story

Boat Captain-There are strange tongues...I cannot understnd them.
Alec-(gravely) There are few who can. There words are in the Dead Tongue of Latin, and I shall not utter them here. But in the common speech they mean
"I'm coming to get Alec"
BC-Oh...this wasn't part of the deal. I don't wanna be attacked.
Alec-Worry not! I have the powers to defeat them (uses bong of power to fill air above and around the ships with fine drugs, acting as a shield). No creature can breach the shield...except...(looks darkly to self) Don't wanna jinx it. Hold on a moment, we are turning aside for a moment (teleports fleet to colombia)

[Inlé_rah]

GRR..DEUS EX MACHINA MEANS GOD FROM THE MACHINE.
It's a term that basically means divine intervention in literary works.

Aware. Yawn...

D'oh! I knew that! My bad. In the only romance language that I know relatively well, "of" and "from" are often the same stupid word. Stupid French.


Inlé: shortkut, where's Columbia?
shortkut: I think he said Colombia?
Inlé: They sound the same to me...
shortkut: But this is Alec we're talking about.
Inlé: Point well taken. :)
shortkut: We find the product. Then we find Alec.
Inlé: I suppose that the cookies will have to wait...

[AlecTrevylan006]

Well, thats what you get for being a dirty frog.

(Alec is at home base in Colombia [screw you]. Using the One Bong, he makes a cloud of drugs, acting as a shield)
My base in now safe...
Trusted Lieutenant-We have found what you desired. Shall it come with us?
Alec-Yes, it shall. I know hold with myself the one thing that could ruin me, and no enemy shall take it. And with drugs restocked, we can defeat any enemy. We sail (again) for Valinor!

[shortkut]

*shortkut and Inlé arrive in Colombia just as alec departs*
Inlé: looks like we just missed him
shortkut: no, really :rolleyes: . hmm, it looks like he restocked. this means he is virtually undefeatable
Inlé: i love a challenge
shortkut: the only way we can get to valinor first is if something distracts alec, but what will do that?
Inlé: i know!! a turf war :D
shortkut: there's just one problem, who will have the war with him, he's wiped out all the competition
Inlé: realm's still alive
shortkut: but he has nothing left
Inlé: alec doesn't have to know that ;)

[Inlé_rah]

*Realm falls from the sky*

Realm: Why am I here?
Inlé: To help us corner the pipeweed market. Even though Alec specializes in more high quality products, weed has a much greater market. If we steal that share of the market from him, he'll have no choice but to temporarily delay his trip to Valinor to fight us. Mind you the whole economy of Middle Earth will probably be devasted or at least destabilized in the process, but its a chance I'm willing to take.

*Realm takes a drag of his gunpowder cocain and dies*

shortkut: Well then...
Inlé: We could always accomplish the same objectives by extortion and oppression of the local populations...

[shortkut]

shortkut: i have a better idea
Inlé: you have an idea?
shortkut: you never let me say one before
Inlé: so, my ideas are the best except for when they're not
shortkut: anyways, my idea is... we take over the shire like sharky did, steal all their weed and sell it for really low prices (we'll add some other stuff to make it appear more) then people will flock to use and we can use them to attack alec or just have them spend all their money on our weed so they can't buy from alec anymore
Inlé: only if i can be sharky
shortkut: but it was my idea
Inlé: but i called dibs on it
shortkut: no you didn't
Inlé: dibs! now i did
shortkut: fine *sigh*

[AlecTrevylan006]

Alec-Damn! I guess my kidnapping Realm was nothing next to the powers of the windwaker :) (that was the idea all along, but now you've killed him off. Ok, new thing). But they wish to surplant me in sales... well, it looks like I must call my black stoners together to capture the shire. (uses the one bong) BLACK STONERS, TO ME!
Stoned Aragorn-(staring at hand, moving back and forth from face) Wow...have you ever looked at the ring of barahir when you're stoned? Woooooo.....
Alec-You must bring your army north
Stoned Aragorn-....wo...my hand is changing colors
Alec-Damn. Theres no way I can defeat them like this... unless... there are two more in middle earth who, if I can bring under my control, will make me able to easily defeat a upweeding in the shire. As thralls of the one bong, they will give me all the power I ever dreamed of. YES!

[shortkut]

Inlé: now that we have a plan, we have to find a way to get to the sire
shortkut: how about these ponies?
Inlé: no, too boring. we need something cool, futuristic something...
shortkut: ...that can only be found in the movies
Inlé: exactly!!
shortkut: but where will we find something like that?
Inlé: *looks around* hmm, what's that over there?
shortkut: looks like a winnebago with wings
Inlé: that's perfect. alec would expect us to be in a giant ship that can travel up to ludicrous speed
shortkut: how fast is that
Inlé: that's so fast that your brain goes to your feet
shortkut: cool. i'm driving
Inlé: find then...SHOTGUN
shortkut: works out perfectly
Inlé: no, its stoned aragorn with a shot gun. RUN!!!
*shortkut and Inlé run*

[AlecTrevylan006]

(Alec is in dark room)
Alec-Yes, take it.....fall under my power!
(camera turns to other character, but only outline visible in darkness)
Alec-Now I cannot be stopped! TO THE SHIRE AND HOBBITON! Wait, wait...once we pass Buckland, stop at the Green Dragon, best beer in all the shire, and I get a discount for selling to them at reduced prices

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: No! This cannot be! There can't be guns in fantary films!
NRA guy: Wanna bet?
Inlé: Its ok. We can take this guy. He is but one man...er... with some super sword probably forged sometime during the First Age...capable of hacking up 100 orcs in well choreographed battles without so much as a paper cut...er...on second thought....
shortut: Let's run.
Inlé: Agreed.

*get into flying winnebago and travel to Isengard; park on the top*
shortkut: why are we here?
Inlé: To get blasting powder. And we're out of gas.

*lvl 666 Balrog appears*
*what wouldst thou doest to to said Balrog?*
shortkut: Melt Balrog!
Inlé: Umm...shortkut...
*what wouldst thou melt the Balrog with?*
shortkut: A bucket of water!
*throws water at Balrog*
Balrog: Idiot.
Inlé: You just had to park on the top of the tower. Didn't you?
shortkut: Mr Balrog? Can you take us to the shire?
Inlé: Are you insane...

[shortkut]

Inlé: Are you insane...
shortkut: maybe
Balrog: *growls something weird*
shortkut: damn, i don't speak balrog
Inlé: but i do
shortkut: then what did he say?
Inlé: he said, "i know not of this shire that you speakith of now leave me before i squash you like a bug"
shortkut: he really said all that?
Inlé: i added the bug part but the rest is all true
shortkut: okay, well, um...the shire is this place where the rejects from Munchkin Land were sent and they grew all the weed that Saruman had
Balrog: MEEE LIE-Kah THE MUhN-KEHNs WEEEEED
Inlé: but they're not munchkins
Balrog: you lied to me?
shortkut: no, :Paranoid: uh, you see, Inlé has had a little too much munchkin weed herself so she doesn't know what she is saying
Balrog: oh, okay. the shire is um some direction from here, i forgot which way it is...sorry

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: Now what?

*Amulet of Significant Plot Twist appears*

Amulet of Significant Plot Twist: You should be almost to Valinor right now...
Inlé: Valinor? Oh yeah...I had almost forgotten it with the turf war with Alec and whatnot.
shortkut: Can we still get to Valinor?
Inlé: Yes! All of us. Even Alec!
shortkut: Why?
Inlé: Why not?
shortkut: I dosen't make any sense.
Inlé: Has anything made any sense?
shortkut: No...
Inlé: *grins*
shortkut: Good point.
Inlé: Ok then.
shortkut: Amulet of Significant Plot Twist, we wish to sail for Valinor! With a head start from the tide if you please...and Alec!

*Amulet of Significant Plot Twist glows brilliant blue, surrounds the area with said brilliant blue light and does all the stereotypical magic amulet stuff*

http://www.angelfire.com/ult/mercedes/keeblerelves.GIF

[shortkut]

:chuckle:, nice pic

shortkut: we're here
Inlé: yay, soon i will have my cookies
alec *grogily*: what am i doing here
Inlé: the amlet of significant plot twist brought you here
alec: oh
shorkut: hey, i thought the streets were paved with cookies?
Inlé: silly, that's america. or was it paved with something else?
alec: dunno?
Inlé: hey look, there is a town down there
shortkut: it looks abandoned
Inlé: that's what they want people to think
shortkut: but we're the first non-elves to come here since the ring bearers came over
Inlé: and your point is...
*Inlé runs to the village*
alec: what's up with her?
shortkut: i think she has OCD
alec: that explains it
Inlé *crying*: the elves they're gone
shortkut: did the leave a note?
Inlé: it was on a snickerdoodle but i ate it before i finished reading it :sad:
shortkut: looks like we have to go on another adventure
alec: can i have a staring role this time?
Inlé: no, can't you read the thread title?

[AlecTrevylan006]

(Alec, from HQ at captured bag end sees bright blue light, watches in horror, until nothing happens)
Alec-I STILL HAVE A CHANCE! (runs back inside) I cannot wait, my weapon must come into play now! (rips off tarp, revealing TOM BOMBADIL, GOLDBERRY AND FATTY LUMPKIN (pony))
Tom-Why, hullo.
Alec-Yes, the ring held no sway over you, but now the one bong does! Fatty Lumpkin will stay here, he is capable of holding off any assault on my lands! You, Goldberry and I, we sail for VALINOR!
Tom-Haven't you said that three times? (Alec waves bong of power) I was wrong, sorry.
Alec-Well, this time, I have brought under my power Earendil, Mariner of the Skies, and his ship

(5 hours later, in airplane like ship, flying through skies)

(silence)
tom-oh, tom bombadil is a...
Alec-NO SINGING!
tom-But I like singing
Alec-You have a choice, sing, or I steal your wife.
Tom-I don't like her too much anyways.
Alec-Seriously? Oh, ok, go ahead and sing (goes in back with goldberry)

[Inlé_rah]

we should have Inlé choose which story to continue this way there is less work for us to do (at least for the moment :duh: )
Have Inlé fix up our crappy mess? Eh? You may soon regret that...

*Inlé and shortkut enter a room marked "Plot Decisions Analysis." There is a man sitting in a chair watching Ardaic Idol on at least 100 TV screens*

Inlé: Oh my God! It's Colonel Sanders!
shortkut: Looks more like Mark Twain to me...
Inlé: Mark Twain is dead.
shortkut: So is Colonel Sanders.

*they both turn towards the guy to do a double-take*

Inlé: Er. Who are you?
Colonel Sanders Wanabee: I am the Colonel. I created the plot. I've been waiting for you. You have many questions, and although the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human.
shortkut: Actually I have Elvish blood on my fathers side of the family...
Colonel Sanders Wanabee: Indeed...
Inlé: *shoves shortkut* Liar. Your father was a fishmonger.
CSW: Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, and some of them you will not.
Inlé: Did he just say 'ergo'?
shortkut: 'Fraid so...
CSW: Concordantly, while your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize it is also the most irrelevant.
Inlé: Where in hell is this plot going?
CSW: That wasn't the correct question.
shortkut: It'll have to do.
CSW: No. It will not do.
Inlé: *draws knife* Yes it will or else we'll slice you up and deep fry you like all of those chickens you've slaughtered!
shortkut: Inlé, that's not Colonel Sanders.
CSW: If you kill me you will never know what to do next.
Inlé: By all means then. Continue.
CSW: By your leave?
shortkut: I think that you'd be happy to drone on whether you have it or not. Now get on with it.
CSW: Fine then. Look over there. There are two doors. The door to your right leads to Valinor where you two and a very hung-over Alec are picnic-ing on cookies to cure the munchies. The door to the left also leads to Valinor.
Inlé: Some choice, chicken-butcher!
CSW: Ahem. Continuing now...The door to the left also leads to Valinor where Alec has promtly set him self up as ruler, ate most of the Elvish cookies, turned all the Vala into harem girls, used the husks of the two trees for firewood, and endangered several species of birds including Valmaric spotted owls and African swallows.
shortkut: And he didn't even get himself sunk into the sea or anything?
CSW: No.
Inlé: That's strange...

*awkward silence*

CSW: We already know what you're going to do, don't we?
Inlé: I hate you.
CSW: I get that a lot.
shortkut: Inlé, Aulë the Smith will be wanting his wife back, methinks.
Inlé: *ignores shortkut* I'm not surprised, Rooster-roaster!
CSW: Your childish insults bore me.
Shortkut: Inlé. We're leaving. We're going to Valinor to help the Valar fight Alec. And maybe get a star shaped island as compensation...
Inlé: Touché! Your arrogant apathy I find nearly as irksome as the plethora of antiquated vocabulary you feel obligated to constrew into convoluted phrases!
shortkut: Inlé...come on... *grabs Inlé by the wrist and moves toward the door to the left*
CSW: The palor of your mockery only illustrates my point.
Inlé: You have a point? That's something new!
shortkut: *drags Inlé along* Say goodbye to the annoying chicken-man, Inlé. We're going to Valinor to rally the Valar. and stuff...
Inlé: If I were you, chicken-chopper, I would hope that we don't meet again.
CWS: We won't.
Inlé: For once you and I agree. *Whips out a bow and arrows his Kentucky Friedness between the eyes*

[AlecTrevylan006]

(Inle and shortkut burst through door)
Inle-What?
Shortkut-Wait a minute...
Alec-(flanked by bong-bearing Valar and Iluvatar) We've been waiting for you.
(insert plot)
Alec-Well, I have a proposition. I am willing to let one of you be my keeper of the the cookies.
Inle-DIBS!
Alec-But to be chosen, you must first participate in a reality tv show, in which you go to middle-earth and have a certain time to build an empire for the task appointed to you. Taking over the other empire and making their people where funny hair pieces. You in?

(sorry, in a rush)

[shortkut]

shortkut: i'm in
Inlé: but i said dibs :sad:
alec: okay, good. are there any questions?
Inlé: why isn't the dibs working
alec: the power of the "dibs" has been weakened by the power of the bong
shortkut: can we just play risk instead, i have a unopened box in my back pocket :duh:
Inlé: but if we open it, it won't be unopened
shortkut: but it was made to be opened
Inlé: then why is it closed:p
shortkut: uh, because the one bong is all pwerful
alec: the short one makes a good point, i'll have to think this over

[AlecTrevylan006]

Alec-Wow, if I didn't know better, I'd think...no...it couldn't be!
Shortkut-What?
Inle-Is the dibs working?
Alec-Sniff the air.
(inle frantically sniffs self into coughing fit)
Shortkut-(coughing) Wow...it's like my mind is being killed.
Alec-Yes...and you know what that means
Inle-STORY TIME! (sits down on ground)
Alec-(sits down) Yey! Wait... (stands up) Sorry, forgot that I'm story teller. But this means... the dark shadow of SACRED REALM HAS ESCAPED FROM THE VOID!
(Inle hands over mouth)
Shortkut-Oh...
Alec-Damn. His product could kill us all! Arda will be marred as it hasn't been since the days of Morgoth's temper tantrum! Seas shall be rent! Lands shall be torn asunder! Really, really bad quality cocaine will be sold for next to nothing, entrapping (and killing) all who fall under its spell.
Inle-YEY!
Shortkut-...
Alec-And then...THE COOKIES WILL GET STALE!
All-NO!!!!!! (cry of anguish)

[shortkut]

Inlé: i don't like this story :bawl:
shortkut: *pats Inlé on the back* its ok, alec was just trying to scare us
alec: was i now *lightning cracks*
shortkut: uh...
Inlé: i feel better now
shortkut: what changed?
Inlé: i found a nonstale cookie, that means that alec wasn't telling the trith
alec: is that so?
shortkut: uh...
alec: do any of you know what happens when cookies are turned stale prematurely by realms products?
shortkut & Inlé: no
alec: the become stupid uncoordinated killing machines
Inlé: alec, now i know your lying. cookies are always coordinated
shortkut: :censor:
alec: it seems the worst has happened, the cookies come for us
ALL: :hide:

[AlecTrevylan006]

You can join in if Inle says so, I've eaten my share of cookies, and you can't overcome the doom of the Alec that I layed upon you in the HP forum :)

[AlecTrevylan006]

You can't steal the cookies, this is VALINOR, the land of the keebler elves! And seeing as I control the cookies and currency through my "Trade" you can't out do me.

Yeah... well, Inle is my lieutenant/spokesperson/hitman, so I let her do what she wants

[AlecTrevylan006]

NEWSFLASH! Shortkut gets the Pi Bong ©!

As you all know, I forged, in secret, the One Bong ©. Into I poured my quality, my product, and a whole lotta really cool stuff. A master bong. Capable of dominating the whole trade. And it could only be destroyed in the very factory in which it was forged.

Naturally, I had that factory destroyed and gave the ashes to Realm to smoke.

In time, as my Lieutenant, Inle was given the Two Bong ©. The Two Bong can control all the minions of the One (Druggies/Stoners) to an extent only outdone by the one bong. It’s bearer is not under direct thralldom or control of the One, but it does have a really cool morse code/walkie talkie communicator so the One Bong © Bearer and the Two Bong © Bearer can keep in touch.

Shortcut has the Pi Bong ©. The Pi Bong © (with Pi being 3…) has no special power over thralls, except over illiterates and the mathematically challenged, and then only by pies. However, it gives to him unnatural long life and he cannot be killed by mortal means, so the syphilis is not an issue.

Spike has the Lucky Charms Blue Moon Collectible Bong ©. It doesn’t have any powers, but it has a really cool magnifying glass and a whistle and a super secret message decoder.

Realm, before his passing, forged for himself the Bong That Never Goddamn Works ©. Naturally, as it was of poor quality and he tried to focus his drugs through it, it can never do anything.

Inle, Alec and shortkut have distributed throughout the world many of the lesser bongs. Under our power are Aragorn, the Witch King, Tom Bombadil, Bill Clinton, George Bush, Jay and Silent Bob, and many other prominent figures.

…yeah… just bringing those of you who are uninformed up to date.

[AlecTrevylan006]

I decided I can't let this die, this was the greatest compilation of our inside jokes. (sniffs) Don't leave me!

[Inlé_rah]

Ok. Fine. You can edit out my 'c's if you want. I don't really feel like it for a long post.



Now...All cookies are created equal, but some are created more equal than others...and here's why...

There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is called Ilúvatar. As a side note, and in all seriousness, this One should never be confused with the other One which is quite a horse of a different color, just as the Nameless should never be confused with the other Nameless Fear who in some delusion of grandeur considered himself just as evilly evil and powerful as the first Nameless whose shoes he licked back in the First Age of the World. And just to make sure no one makes this mistake, the One is not some wooden-acting ponce in shades and a black trenchcoat; He is that from whom beyond Time who created Eä...

*shortkut shoots a spitball at Inlé*

Inlé: Hey!
shortkut: It was Alec!
Inlé: Alec is too wasted to remember what age this is!

*shoves shortkut*

Alec: Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!// Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!
Inlé: His own leaf has slowed his mind...
shorkut: Methinks the verbose one might have a point...for once...
Inlé: Hey...
Alec: Now let the song begin! Let us sing together //Of sun, stars, moon and mist, rain and cloudy weather.
Inlé: This is preferable to my monologue?
shortkut: Is there an eventual point to your monologue?
Inlé: *indignant* Yes.
shortkut: Kan we have the Kliff's Notes version?
Inlé: Ok...I'll try...

Ilúvatar creates the Ainur, including Melkor, who was smarter than the average Ainur, but wasn't much of a team player, to say the least. Continuing, Melkor decides that a minor second should be a perfect interval and flunks out of choir practise, but not before trying to change Iluvatar's perfect themes into something resembling the first violin solo in Danse Macabre.

*shortkut looks at Alec. Alec is muttering about collecting water lillies.*

shortkut: In the common tongue please.
Inlé: Out of tune. Uber-ly so.
shortkut: oh...

So this Melkor chap obviously wants to run the show and he gets bored of waiting around, so he goes looking for the Flame Imperishable.

shortkut: Which is?
Inlé: What we're after. The Fire of Ilúvatar, with which he created the Ainur, the world, and all that jazz. Considering that most creating seems to be done, I'm sure he won't mind if we borrow it. We can use the Secret Fire to bake the greatest cookies known to elf, man, dwarf, or even the One himself!
shortkut: *snicker* The One Bong?
Inlé: *mumble*
shortkut: Wait... Aren't there certain cosmological precedents that mandate that we will screw ourselves over numerous times and many times over numerous in this rather unholy pursuit?
Inlé: What? Is that a change or something out of the ordinary?
shortkut: Point taken.
Inlé: Plus. This time, we can sign an extensive piece of legalese or just take a well-meant but ultimately stupid oath that binds us to our goal. And it can even mandate that if there is any betraying, it won't come from you, me, or even Alec.
shorkut: Interesting. Did you review the language of this thing?
Inlé: I gave it to Alec to review.
Alec: Poppies! Poppies!
shortkut: Alec?
Alec: Fly my pretties! Fly! Fly!
Inlé: ALEC!
Alec: Wha... yes. Quite right. Horse of an entirely different color. All set then?
Inlé: shortie, I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful adventure...
Alec: So...what are we doing?
Inlé: Stealing the Fire to bake the most perfect cookies known to either Eä or the Void.
Alec: Or we could just steal some good, but not perfect cookies. With the added bonus of slight hope of sucess!
shortkut: Or we could argue, break up into teams, start the endless cycle of plot twists, random betrayals, major violatations of Middle Earth cosmology that will someday get us more than a citation, and strings of deux ex machinas in form of bird, beast, and most importantly...moth!
Alec: I like moths.
Inlé: Business as usual then?
shorkut: Indeed.
Inlé: So what are we going to do now?
shortkut: The same thing we do every age, Inlé: Try to take over the world!
Inlé: I was hoping for specifics...
Alec: Toughie.
shortkut: Tough as troll meat.
Inlé: And you would know that how?
Alec: And thick as shorty's head.
shortkut: Better to have a troll's thick head than to look like one!
Inlé: Those aren't necessarily, or even likely, mutually exclusive...
Alec: Haha! Pwned in the Dagor Bragollach kind of way!
shorty: Burny or stabby?
Alec: Burny! I mean...Burned!
Inlé: Business as usual indeed.

Here once again begins our tale, whose Manwë and Varda may know but have yet to reveal, and it is not declared in the dooms of Mandos. Again we prance down same ruinous path down into the Void...

*shortkut shoots a spitball at Inlé*

Inlé: Hey!
shortkut: You're fired as the pretentious narrator.
Inlé: But I was doing a good job of the pretentious part! ... Hey! Guys! Wait for me!

[Spike]

Ok. Fine. You kan edit out my 'c's if you want. I don't really feel like it for a long post.



Now...All kookies are kreated ekwal, but some are kreated more ekwal than others...and here's why...

There was Eru, the One, who in Arda is kalled Ilúvatar. As a side note, and in all seriousness, this One should never be konfused with the other One whikh is kwite a horse of a different kolor, just as the Nameless should never be konfused with the other Nameless Fear who in some delusion of grandeur konsidered himself just as evilly evil and powerful as the first Nameless whose shoes he likked bakk in the First Age of the World. And just to make sure no one makes this mistake, the One is not some wooden-akting ponke in shades and a blakk trenkhkoat; He is that from whom beyond Time who kreated Eä...

*shortkut shoots a spitball at Inlé*

Inlé: Hey!
shortkut: It was Alek!
Inlé: Alek is too wasted to remember what age this is!

*shoves shortkut*

Alek: Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo!// Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!
Inlé: His own leaf has slowed his mind...
shorkut: Methinks the verbose one might have a point...for onke...
Inlé: Hey...
Alek: Now let the song begin! Let us sing together //Of sun, stars, moon and mist, rain and kloudy weather.
Inlé: This is preferable to my monologue?
shortkut: Is there an eventual point to your monologue?
Inlé: *indignant* Yes.
shortkut: Kan we have the Kliff's Notes version?
Inlé: Ok...I'll try...

Ilúvatar kreates the Ainur, inkluding Melkor, who was smarter than the average Ainur, but wasn't mukh of a team player, to say the least. kontinuing, Melkor dekides that a minor sekond should be a perfekt interval and flunks out of khoir praktise, but not before trying to khange Iluvatar's perfekt themes into something resembling the first violin solo in Danse Makabre.

*shortkut looks at Alek. Alek is muttering about kollekting water lillies.*

shortkut: In the kommon tongue please.
Inlé: Out of tune. Uber-ly so.
shortkut: oh...

So this Melkor khap obviously wants to run the show and he gets bored of waiting around, so he goes looking for the Flame Imperishable.

shortkut: Whikh is?
Inlé: What we're after. The Fire of Ilúvatar, with whikh he kreated the Ainur, the world, and all that jazz. konsidering that most kreating seems to be done, I'm sure he won't mind if we borrow it. We kan use the Sekret Fire to bake the greatest kookies known to elf, man, dwarf, or even the One himself!
shortkut: *snikker* The One Bong?
Inlé: *mumble*
shortkut: Wait... Aren't there kertain kosmologikal prekedents that mandate that we will skrew ourselves over numerous times and many times over numerous in this rather unholy pursuit?
Inlé: What? Is that a khange or something out of the ordinary?
shortkut: Point taken.
Inlé: Plus. This time, we kan sign an extensive pieke of legalese or just take a well-meant but ultimately stupid oath that binds us to our goal. And it kan even mandate that if there is any betraying, it won't kome from you, me, or even Alek.
shorkut: Interesting. Did you review the language of this thing?
Inlé: I gave it to Alek to review.
Alek: Poppies! Poppies!
shortkut: Alek?
Alek: Fly my pretties! Fly! Fly!
Inlé: ALEk!
Alek: Wha... yes. kwite right. Horse of an entirely different kolor. All set then?
Inlé: shortie, I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful adventure...
Alek: So...what are we doing?
Inlé: Stealing the Fire to bake the most perfekt kookies known to either Eä or the Void.
Alek: Or we kould just steal some good, but not perfekt kookies. With the added bonus of slight hope of sukess!
shortkut: Or we kould argue, break up into teams, start the endless kykle of plot twists, random betrayals, major violatations of Middle Earth kosmology that will someday get us more than a kitation, and strings of deux ex makhinas in form of bird, beast, and most importantly...moth!
Alek: I like moths.
Inlé: Business as usual then?
shorkut: Indeed.
Inlé: So what are we going to do now?
shortkut: The same thing we do every age, Inlé: Try to take over the world!
Inlé: I was hoping for spekifiks...
Alek: Toughie.
shortkut: Tough as troll meat.
Inlé: And you would know that how?
Alek: And thikk as shorty's head.
shortkut: Better to have a troll's thikk head than to look like one!
Inlé: Those aren't nekessarily, or even likely, mutually exklusive...
Alek: Haha! Pwned in the Dagor Bragollakh kind of way!
shorty: Burny or stabby?
Alek: Burny! I mean...Burned!
Inlé: Business as usual indeed.

Here onke again begins our tale, whose Manwë and Varda may know but have yet to reveal, and it is not deklared in the dooms of Mandos. Again we pranke down same ruinous path down into the Void...

*shortkut shoots a spitball at Inlé*

Inlé: Hey!
shortkut: You're fired as the pretentious narrator.
Inlé: But I was doing a good job of the pretentious part! ... Hey! Guys! Wait for me!



Done

[shortkut]

*kikks klink*

shortkut: i believe that we will find the Fire of Ilúvatar in the Fireplaçe of Ilúvatar
Inlé: but its summer where we he is, why would he use his fire plaçe?
shortkut: to make our kwest easier?
Inlé: i have already explained, the universe would implode if that were to happen, and not in the eye!, realm, big daddy kind of way.
Alec: Burny!
*Burns dunçe kap with lighter*
shortkut: hey, now what will we put on members who aren't us
Inlé: quiet shortkut. Alec, i think you're on to something
Alec: Burny? :confused:
Inlé: *clears throat* As i was trying to say, what if Ilúvatar had a lighter
shortkut: he could burn things where ever he went
Alec: Burny! i mean, i could have him light the one bong for me
Inlé: *glares* what if the Flame Imperishable was in his lighter?
shortkut: I thought we were after the Flame of Ilúvatar?
Inlé: they're the same thing
shortkut: whatever :-\ but where would we find it?
Alec: In his pantssssss
Ç£îÑk: What's tater's pantsss precious? what's pants?

Inlé: now all we need is a "Short¢ut to Mushrooms"
shortkut: i thought we were looking for pants :confused:

[Inlé_rah]

Hey, you know I don't use my own product! Its too expensive, I don't wanna lose that profit!

shortkut and I must have been mistaken then. You're like Tom Bombadil; you aren't affected by the One (Bong in your kase) yet you're still more than a little loopy. :D

---

shotkut: A shortkut?
Inlé: You know? A shortkut to the mushrooms...
shortkut: You are konfusing me greatly.
Inlé: *grin* Hey! Alek! Three is kompany and I kount only two on the road right now! Let's get a move on!
Alek:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I kan!

*shortkut and Inlé stare*

Inlé: A had almost forgot how lousy some of that poetry was...
shortkut: Are we sure we want him around?
Inlé: *muttering to self* no sekond thoughts. no sekond thoughts. no sekond thoughts...wait! The Flame! I've got it! Oh! No... that's no good...no good at all...
shortkut: Huh?
Inlé: Well, I have a large kollektion of never-returned books for the library of Gondor, and I read in one of them that the Flame Imperishable is in Iluvatar himself, and thats why Melkor kouldn't find it...so I doubt that we'll have better luçk.
Alek: So it is in his pants?
shortkut: For the last time: no!
Alek: Kan we just ignore that detail?
Inlé: I don't see how...
shortkut: He probably keeps it in his fireplace for safe keeping.
Alek: Or in his lighter.
shortkut: Fireplaçe when lit by lighter.
Alec: Whiçh makes it kome from his lighter.
shortkut: But it's only imperishable in the fireplaçe.
Inlé: Argh! Stop it! Stop it! My head hurts! I'm going shopping at the Gap of Rohan to clear my mind! Kome get me when you're done arguing. If you kan't find me at the Gap, I'll be across the road at Starbuçks, pondering over many a quaint and kurious volume of forgotten lore. Only this and not much more. Namarië...

*rides off*

Alec: Women...
shortkut: No kidding...

*pause*

Alec: Lighter.
shortkut: Fireplase.
Alec: Pantssss.

[Spike]

shortkut and I must have been mistaken then. You're like Tom Bombadil; you aren't affekted by the One (Bong in your kase) yet you're still more than a little loopy. 

---
shotkut: A shortkut?
Inlé: You know? A shortkut to the mushrooms...
shortkut: You are konfusing me greatly.
Inlé: *grin* Hey! Alek! Three is kompany and I kount only two on the road right now! Let's get a move on!
Alek:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I kan!

*shortkut and Inlé stare*

Inlé: A had almost forgot how lousy some of that poetry was...
shortkut: Are we sure we want him around?
Inlé: *muttering to self* no sekond thoughts. no sekond thoughts. no sekond thoughts...wait! The Flame! I've got it! Oh! No... that's no good...no good at all...
shortkut: Huh?
Inlé: Well, I have a large kollektion of never-returned books for the library of Gondor, and I read in one of them that the Flame Imperishable is in Iluvatar himself, and thats why Melkor kouldn't find it...so I doubt that we'll have better luçk.
Alek: So it is in his pants?
shortkut: For the last time: no!
Alek: Kan we just ignore that detail?
Inlé: I don't see how...
shortkut: He probably keeps it in his fireplake for safe keeping.
Alek: Or in his lighter.
shortkut: Fireplaçe when lit by lighter.
Alek: Whiçh makes it kome from his lighter.
shortkut: But it's only imperishable in the fireplaçe.
Inlé: Argh! Stop it! Stop it! My head hurts! I'm going shopping at the Gap of Rohan to klear my mind! Kome get me when you're done arguing. If you kan't find me at the Gap, I'll be akross the road at Starbuçks, pondering over many a kwaint and kurious volume of forgotten lore. Only this and not mukh more. Namarië...

*rides off*

Alek: Women...
shortkut: No kidding...

*pause*

Alek: Lighter.
shortkut: Fireplase.
Alek: Pantssss.

korrekted

WTF, I feel left out, kan I have the one...*thinks real hard* spoon?

[Inlé_rah]

there is no spoon </ only good quote from the matrix>

i'll post later, i'm not feeling kreative at the moment
Lazy. :P
I never saw Matrix 3 after Matrix 2, which was one of the most konvoluted...oh nevermind...lol...

My 17 word Matrix Reloaded 'plot' summary.

Morpheus: Providence.
Niobe: Skepticism.
Neo: Free will.
Architect: No free will. You're screwed.
Neo: No. Screw you!

[shortkut]

i thought it was spelling not selling :shrug:

~meanwhile~
Ç£îÑk: what's a lighter
*crickets chirp*

Ç£îÑk: where is everybody?
Random Voice over: There off in London, ejoying a fabulous vacation for only $69.99 </commercial from years ago>
Ç£îÑk: :(

~Ç£îÑk somehow finds us~
Ç£îÑk: why are you guys in London
Inlé: they were having a sale in the women's department
shortkut: i thought this was the elf section?
Inlé: *sigh*
Ç£îÑk: then why is alec here?
Inlé: while he's physically here, mentally he's on a "higher" plane of existance
Alec: whee :)

[Spike]

Ç£îÑk:Can I try on womens clothes?
shortkut:No
Ç£îÑk:Why not?
shortkut:Because last time you stained the clothes
Inle:Lets go
Ç£îÑk:*wandering aimlessly*...Hey, whered everyone go?


Meh, I really sukkat rp's.

[Inlé_rah]

Clink: Why are you guys getting nowhere? You seem as lost as stupid fat Hobbitses in the Emyn Muil.
Alec: We tried to take a short cut.
Inlé: And 'shortcuts make long delays.'
Shortkut: What?
Inlé: Shortkuts too.

[shortkut]

shortkut: not long delays, just lots of circles
Clink: Circles make me dizzy :goofy:
Alec: i thought we were just trying to find fertile ground…:wha:

*random Realm falls out of sky*
Inlé: looks like he fell in the river
shortkut: hey, the ring used to be there, i want it
*shortkut tried to run*
*Inlé trips shortkut*
Inlé: the ring was destroyed
shortkut: then why did he go into the river if not to get the ring…………is there a shiny there?
Inlé: no…:paranoid:…there are no more shinies either :umm:
shortkut: oh :( why did he go into it then :cfonfused:
alec: because he's Realm
shortkut: good answer
Inlé: good, because there is no other possible answer

[shortkut]

shortkut: was there an impossible answer?
Inlé: now what kind of question is that?
shortkut: one with a question mark
Alec:…
Inlé: Alec, you only can't talk in the harry potter forum without sbmitting to my überpowerfuldeityness
Alec: i know, i just didn't have anything to say
spike: i ahve things to s--
shortkut: you didn't answer my question
Inlé: that's because there is no answer
spike: what am i chopp--
Inlé: he look, andy's here too. wait no, that's spike
shortkut: still no answer :(

[shortkut]

shortkut: did the shipwrights build the boat yet?
Inlé: not yet
shortkut: oh :(
Inlé: any reason?
shortkut: alec has the munchies
Inlé: but 4/20 was a couple of days ago
shortkut: alec changed his calendar, he has 4/20 on it a lot
alec: :goofy:

[Spike]

Spike: Pot is bad, mmkay
Shortkut: They only say that so they have more for themselves
Spike: :paranoid:

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: 4/20 eh? Oh snap! That's it!
shortkut: That's...what?
Inlé: We should go to the Eagle's Nest!
shortkut: In Austria?
someweirdscottishversionofDavyJones: I thought it was in Germany.
shortkut: Quiet you.
DavyJones: But Hilter was German.
shortkut: Austrian. Quiet you.

Inlé: Not that Eagle's Nest. Since the shipwrights have all been compromised by Alec and his drugs. We can get Eagles to fly us to Angband to get Shines!
DavyJones: Dangbad?
Inlé: Close enough. Me equals impressed.
shortkut: Inlé, besides the total idiocy of that plan...
Inlé: Is it so much worse than anything else we've...
shortkut: And the fact that you do not just go up to there and knock on the..
Inlé: Well it's been done bef...
shortkut: And not with very nice resu...
Inlé: I was actually thinking of parach...
shortkut: That's moronic and besides the point! You do not even know where the..
Inlé: Yes I do.
shortkut: Huh? Wha? Where's the Eagle's Nest if not in Austria?
DavyJones: Germany.
*shortkut kicks Davy*
Inlé: Actually, he's right. It is in Germany.
shortkut: You didn't say anything before I kicked him.
Inlé: :D
DavyJones: *whimper*

shortkut: *ignoring Davy* Ok. Ok. So where's the Eagle's Nest?
Inlé: Taniquetil.
shortkut: *shakes head slowly in disbeleif* Any problem you see with that? Like a big problem?
Inlé: No...
shortkut: It's on the other side of the sea. The sundering sea.
Inlé: That's no problem. We'll just hire some shipwrights and oooooooooooohhh...
shortkut: Feh.

*long pause*

Inlé: Well it's a good thing there's an Eagle's Nest in Crissaegrim in the Encircling Mountains.
shortkut: What? Do these things franchise or something?!?!?!

[shortkut]

Inlé: I am the majority shareholder so i have to know something of them
DavyJones (i'm assuming we changed spike/Ç£îñk's name): more like the only share holder
shortkut: how can you own an airline?
Inlé: not an airline, Eagle's Nest
DavyJones: is that like delta?
shortkut: i fly american
DavyJones: Why american, JetBlue has directtv
shortkut: really? cool :D Inlé, can we fly JetBlue
Inlé: that costs money
DavyJones: I'm broke
Inlé: they also take elf cookies
shortkut: But you ate all the elf cookies AND snickerdoodles
Inlé: that's because i'm the leader
Alec: Then why am i in the front of the line
Inlé: Alec, you're walking backwards :-\

[Inlé_rah]

it was inlé's turn :rant:
Inlé: I went scuba diving in that cursed/evil stream in the middle of Mirkwood, took a long nap, and forgot whatever we were doing. Oops.
shortkut: Par for course.
Inlé: And you are so much better, of course. Er. For the course. So what were we talking about?
shortkut: We were going somewhere to do something. Started with an 'a'.
Inlé: *picks up The Complete Slacker's Guide to Middle Earth and Central Europe* A...
CLink: Uh guys...
Inlé: Alqualondë, Aman, Amon Hen, the Anduin, Angband, Ard-galen, Arnor, Austria, Avallónë...
Clink: Germany?
Inlé: Quiet you.
shortkut: Where's Alec anyways?
Inlé: *shrug*
CLink: We can find Alec!
shortkut: It does start with an A.
Inlé: Do you suppose he's up to no good (again)?

[shortkut]

Shortkut: Up to no good? that doesn't sound like alec
Clink: yes it does
Inlé: quiet you
shortkut: where'd mr. peabody go?
Mr. peabody: i'm right here
Clink: what just happened?
Inlé: the wonders of cartoon animation, nothing has to make sense
Clink: but we're not a cartoon
Inlé: quiet you
shortkut: Alec probably went to australia instead of austria
Inlé: Sounds like him
Clink: new zeland is near australia, they filmed lord of the rings there
shortkut: lord of the rings sounds familiar…it makes me think of something
Inlé: are you pondering what i'm pondering pinky?
shortkut pinky: i think so brain, but isn't Zero Mostel times Zero Mostel still Zero?
Inlé brain: no you baffoon, elves were in lord of the rings. now do you get it?
Clink: we're stealing hobbits?
shortkut: no, we're taking a shortkut to mushroom flavored cookies which we will throw at the elves until they give us more cookies. THE QUEST FOR COOKIES RESUMES :link:

[Inlé_rah]

As our heroes ponder their daring something to do something...a villianous plan is afoot...
Elsewhere...In the evil lair-sounding place called the Ring of Doom in Valmar.

Manwë: Woah! This stuff really is enlightening!
Varda: It's like the music all over again. LA LA LA! LAH!
Yavanna: Everything is so brightness. Like the trees. La!
Oromë: I'm hungry. Must make cookies so can munch on cookies.
Manwë: What did you call this stuffs again?
Alec: The Bong of Doom.
Mandos: Ah! That means it's mine! Mine! I'm the Doomsman of the Valar!
Manwë: Hmm. Surely the virtue of this bong does hold the strings of fate. What do you ask so that we can be kept supplied?
Alec: All the Keebler Elvish Cookies I could ever want and the Shinies.
Manwë: Done.

Inlé: Well, we found Alec, and it looks like he just bought the gods.
shortkut: You think? Well...it's worked with all manner of foreign governments. I guess he just wanted to take his business to the next level. *pause* How did we get here? Across the sundering seas or whatever?
Inlé: Flying deus ex machinas.
shortkut: But the gods are all over there getting high.

[shortkut]

shortkut: warning for bumping a dead fish
inlé: it was in my way
shortkut: oh then its ok
inlé: damn right it's ok
shortkut: sorry :help:

[AlecTrevylan006]

SOOOO, I got reported. To myself. For saying sex and drugs in this thread. I've given myself a verbal warning. Next time it goes on my record.

That said... time to j/bumpstart this topic
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(everybody is on ground, Spike runs in)
Spike: Guys, wake up! Its quest time!
Alec: *rubs eye* what... where are... what happened?
Inlé: I can't remember anything
shortkut: why am I wearing this dress?
Alec: Why do I have panties in my pocket... oh god... shortkut... we didn't... did we?
shortkut: I dunno, I can't remember anything since September
Spike: Wait, you guys don't remember?

*flashback to rave in the ring of doom with all the valar, maiar, etc*

shortkut: Holy sh*t!
Alec: 3 months? We were burning through cookies and product for 3 MONTHS?!
shortkut: Holy sh*t!
Alec: That's at least an ounce of product, that's enough to buy
China!
shortkut: Holy sh*t!
Inlé: AND COOKIES! WHAT ABOUT THE COOKIES!?!?
Alec: What're we gonna do?
Shortkut: Holy SH*T!

*pause*

*all four run out of ring of doom*
shortkut: WAIT! What about the eternal fire thingie?
Alec: There's a fire in my bong... and my pants...
Inlé: Why must I be surrounded by idiots?
shortkut: *points at spike* haha, she called you an idiot

[shortkut]

haha, it was for saying sex and drugs instead of s*x and dr*gs :rotfl:
~~~~~~~~~~~~
shortkut: so, back to serious matters, why am i in this dress?
inlé: you robbed a macy's after the rave
spike: and you chose a color that clashes with your natural skin tone and the cut of the dress accents your nonexistant rolls of fat

Everyone sans spike: :twitch:

alec: what's a macy's doing in midgar
inlé: you mean middle earth
alec: that's what i said
inlé: only if we were in a norse myth
alec: what do horses have to do with this?
inlé: :shake: anyways, to answer your question they need to get their outfits from someplace
spike: what happened to the republic of bananas?
alec: i had the elderly navy exterminate them

*silence for an undeterminate amount of time*

shortkut: so i stole the dress?
alec: apparently so. now about the matter of the panties in my pocket. are they arwen's by any chance?
inlé: no, they're your own
alec: mine are usually pink and frilly, i hate thongs
spike: how does this further the plot?
inlé: we have a plot?

[Spike]

Yeah, I suck at these things, but god damn i want the thongs

Spike: I think the thong is mine
alec: why
Spike: no reason, just a hunch
shortkut:spike why would you have thongs
spike: Uh, my girlfriend left them over
Everyone: *erupts in laughter*



Yeah, it sucks, but god damn, I want the thong.

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: Spike has a girlfriend? Well that explains the air pump in his closet...
Spike: Yeah...wait, what?
shortkut: haha
Alec: Wait... oh.. haha.
Spike: I like to ride my...bike. It's for my... bike.
A,I,&s: *laughing*

*Everyone has product relapse*

*hours later*

Inlé: Ok. For one it's called "Midgard" not "Midgar". Midgard is the 'middle enclosure' in the Norse whatever...or 'Middle Earth'...if you insist. Midgar is the miasmic "old Pittsburg" type city in FanboyBull****7...
Fanboys: Blasphemy. *summon Bahamut Zero*

*seven minutes later*

Alec: So whose thong was that?...
Inlé: Spike's.
shortkut: Sure it's not yours?
Inlé: Spike thinks that it is his. Spike want's it back. Either way I think he's due a beating.
A&s: Agreed.
Inlé: Excellent... Oh Spike!

*Bahamut Zero attacks*

shortkut: WTF?
Fanboys: Yeah!
Inlé: Frank!

*pet Balrog appears. Inlé gives it a coney and sends it after the Fanboys.*

Inlé: Have fun Frank!
Fanboys: Next time we'll summon Knights of the Round!
shortkut: *snicker* That'll give us enough time for a disasterous adventure and tea and crumpets to boot.
Inlé: *nods* I like bagels. Mmm. Sesame...
Alec: Mmm. Poppy.
Inlé: Poppy, eh? Who's surprised? Not me.
shortkut: Have we forgotten something?[/hypothetical]
Spike: Dunno. Anyone want to go ride...bikes?
Inlé: *hands a bowl to Spike* Here, Spike: have some Cocoa Coke-o Puffs.
Spike: *eating*
shortkut: Inlé! The cookies!
Inlé: The cookies?
shortkut: The cookies!
Inlé: omgcookies!!!11
Alec: Poppies! Poppies! Poppies!
I&s: Coke-o Puff Alec?

[shortkut]

shortkut: i recall hearing once that puppies will make them sleep
inlé: that's poppies you moron
spike: what a maroon
shortkut: i wasone letter off. at least it sounds similar
inlé: why am i surrounded by idiots
spike: haha she called you an idiot
shortkut: she called you one earlier :P
inlé: :shake:

shortkut: so where's alec?
spike: he was tired so he's napping
shortkut: what would make him sleep?
spike: the puppies!!
inlé: no…
shortkut: you moron it's poppies
inlé: a poppy seed bagel would not make him sleep
shortkut: where is that wicked witch of the direction beginning with W hidding herself. i will avenge the napping alec
alec: me too

shortkut: a new quest has begun
inlé: um, alec is awake
shortkut: oh, you're right
spike: lets go kill the fanboys
inlé: that is the smartest thing you have ever said
s&A: wait, he said something smart?
spike: wait i did :confused:

[Inlé_rah]

Inlé: Ok. Not objecting to the quest or anything. It seems more intelligent and slightly less quixotic than our previous ones. But which fanboys should we kill? And will this involve worldestruction?
Spike: Poolboys!
shortkut: That's fanboys.
Inlé: ...

shortkut: You know. If we killed off all the fanboys, we might end up killed the internetz.
Spike: You have to break a few eggs to make an omlette?
Inlé: Actually, this would be more like breaking a few omlettes to make eggses. I think I tried that when I was about 6. It didn't work very well.

*Alec wakes up and shows up*

Alec: EGGZ!!!! Who's cooking eggs?
Inlé: No. Eggses. And no one is cooking them.
Alec: Eggses?
Inlé: *singsong* A box without hinges lock or lid, but golden treasure inside is hid...

shortkut: Ok. Moving on from eggs, eggz, eggses and omlettes, I just saved our lives!
Alec: Huh?
Inlé: Eh?
Spike: Puppies?
shorkut: Well, if we ended up killing the fanboys, we might just get caught up in the purge.
Inlé: Caught up as in overzealous or caught up as in purged?
shorkut: Um... one or both. *pulls down chart* Judging by past experience the probability of both is pretty good.
Inlé: Point well taken.
Alec: It wouldn't be the first time that my lieutenants turned on me...
Everyone else: *grin*

Alec: Um...Let's make eggses?
shortkut: I vote Inlé for cook!
Spike: Thirded!
Inlé: Two things. First and most importantly, I AM NOT COOKING FOR YOU!!! And second...we don't have eggses.
Spike: The Eagles have eggses!
Inlé: That's a great idea Spike! You go get eggses from the eagles, Alec, shortkut and I will go get stuff to cook in. I think I remember seeing some in a ravine back in Mordor.

*Spike wanders off*

Alec: When were we in Mordor?
Inlé: *shrug*
shortkut: Inlé, I like my eggs benedict with...
Inlé: NO! Do you want me to push you into Oroduin?

*Alec falls asleep*

[AlecTrevylan006]

Alec: *wakes up, yawns, mumbles groggily* Leave the money on the dresser
shortkut: ...*pulls out wallet*
Inlé: *stares*
shortkut: What? I'm... in charge of... funds... for the cartel... that's all :paranoid:
Inlé: Don't... speak

Alec: So, is Spike dead yet?
shortkut: Who cares?
Inlé: Yeah, but its a nice timekiller sideplot

Alec: ...so.... wanna go make fun of Realm?
Inlé: Go?
shortkut: I'm not too big on... moving.
Inlé: How bout you go, and you can tell us all about it?
Alec: I'm not Spike. I may be dumb but I'm not stupid.
Inlé and shortkut: ...

Inlé: Alec, how'd you like to sign these paper without looking at their contents?
Alec: Sure... wait a second... this is a trick!
Inlé: So?
shortkut: ...she has a point.
Alec: I don't trust you Inlé... and papers scare me... Can I just give you Toulouse, a pay raise, and freedom to beat shortkut with assorted sharp instruments instead?
shortkut: Deal!
Inlé: ...-_-

[shortkut]

shortkut: wait, what kind of deal did i make
inlé: you don't want to know
alec: i can sell you to realm as a test subject
spike: but i thought the deal was for inlé to
shortkut: what deal?
spike: the deal wher- oh forget it

inlé: can we ever decide on anything?
alec: what's a decision?
inlé: :shake:

[AlecTrevylan006]

Alec: So kut, how is Antarctica?
kut: My nipples could cut glass.
Alec: O... K... that shouldn't be turning me on... um... yeah
Inlé: As long as you're out of my quiz. *strokes Frank*
kut: Inlé, question...
Inlé: Yes?
kut: You called us a gentleman's club.
Inlé: ...no, I said it was a quiz not a...
kut: ...but you're not a man.
Alec: Or gentle.
Inlé: It is a figure of speech.
Spike: That's a preposterous accusation against our esteemed recognitive acquiesces russification photosynthesis sino-soviet-antagonism islamification montypythonification!
All: ...
Inlé: What are you...
Spike: I'm using big words. We're a gentleman's club, so we need to start persecuting a more superfluous speakification of wordsivilles.
Alec: You have no idea what you're saying, do you.
Spike: What are you talking about?
Alec: You don't even know what half of those words mean. Like Russification.
Spike: Yes I do. That means turning into Russel. Like Russel Crowe.
kut: ...um...
Inlé: *shakes head* What have I done...
Alec: *cutting in* sweet Jesus what have I done, become a thief in the night become a dog on the run, and have I travelled so far and is the hour so late, that nothing remains but the cries of my hate, cries in the dark that nobody hears, here where I stand at the turning of the years...
Inlé: ...was that a showtune?
kut: I call dibs on Juliet!

[Inlé_rah]

kut: Well...we're back
Alec: Famous last words. Or close.
Inlé: Except this story is supposed to continue.
Spike: Cookies?
Inlé: I just don't see why we've always failed...
Alec: Simple. We're our own wost enemies. Even on the odd chance that things begin well for us, it's always treachery, treachery, treachery. Granted, it's invariably incompetant treachery, but we still are cookieless

*Spike looks at Alec. Alec looks at Inlé. Inlé looks at shortkut and then at Alec. shorkut looks at everyone else in turn.*

All: Oh...

And very much elsewhere...

Namo: Well, it took them long enough.
*Manwe takes a drag*
Manwe: Yup. What fools these mortals be.
Aule: Are bets still open? I put mine on whomever Namo picked.
Varda: That's not fair. And Namo shouldn't be allowed to play in the first place.
Manwe: What's the game, this time?